Lost Girl (3)

One year after Lucas died, my mother was able to live her life as usual, and so did my sister who was happy again. My life feels much better because my father loves me very much.

I still remember when my father took me fishing in the river, we caught a big fish and my father carried me home. Throughout the time we spent waiting for our bait to be eaten, he told me the stories about his childhood.

How dad grew up in the village and played with his friends. My dad is the only son among his four sisters. In his family, the birth of a son is always considered a blessing and privilege because he can carry the family name for his descendants.

I saw my father smile remembering his happy childhood and every time I saw him smile, I also smiled as if I hoped that time would stop at moments like this.

But even though I spent fun time with my father outside, at home my mother and father often argued. There were many things that caused the fight to happen, but the source came from me.

Mom tried to make me look like when Lucas was alive. Wearing a dress, a t-shirt with a Barbie motif and a cute skirt from my sister. My father, who saw that my mother was trying to dress me up like a girl, got angry and slapped her.

"What are you doing? You want to make your son look like a girl?"

"Come to your senses, darling! Lucia is a girl, you shouldn't treat her like a boy!"

"Lucia is dead! Your daughter is dead, are you crazy?"

Dad screamed and mom cried, at first this was a scary sight for me because it made me confused about who I really was. Boy or girl? I don't understand, but even though my mother tried hard to oppose father, in the end father was the winner.

He showered me with love and toys. Robots, cars, toys and toy guns are quite expensive. Even though I actually didn't really like the toys my father bought me, I still played with them so that my father wouldn't be sad.

Little by little, my mother, who initially opposed my father fiercely, now turns into a supporter of my father. Like what happened at that time, where I secretly wore my sister's used snow white dress which was kept in the cupboard.

This dress my sister wore to her birthday party two years ago and she looked so beautiful like a princess. I secretly put it on and danced in front of the mirror like my sister did. But my mother saw it, with bulging eyes she shouted at me very loudly as if I had done something inappropriate.

"Oh my God, what are you doing? Take off that dress! If your father sees it, he will definitely scold me!" She said. My mother forced me to immediately take off the dress and put back on the t-shirt with the ranger motif that she bought at the store the other day.

"But I want to be photographed wearing that dress like Alexa!" I started whining because I was really jealous of my sister who always looked beautiful in her clothes.

"Don't ask for strange things! I don't want to fight with your father again because of you!"

Annoyed, I cried and rolled around on the floor so that she would grant my wish to be photographed in a snow white dress. I thought if I imitated Lucas, she would melt.

Once again, everything I thought about ended up being wrong. I cried for half an hour until my tears dried so my mother would melt. But instead of being persuaded as I expected, she just ignored me.

She would rather hear me cry about wanting to wear a snow white dress than have her cry because she was fighting with my father. Her feelings are much more important than mine.

Because I was continuously ignored, I cried myself to sleep with feelings of sadness and pain that I couldn't understand.

***

"Don't keep eating! You've become so fat in six months!" My mother said while lifting boxes containing house furniture to me who was busy watching a sumo match on videotape on TV.

We just moved yesterday and today my father and mother are still busy arranging things in our new house that my father bought from his friend after saving for years.

I took a chocolate milk from the big box and went outside. When I was standing in front of the fence, I saw a boy pedaling a bicycle towards me.

"Wait!" I immediately stopped him. He looked at me confusedly.

"What is it?"

"Let's play!"

"What are you playing?" He looked increasingly confused.

"Sumo!" I said. I wonder if he can beat me.

"Sumo? What is that?"

"Let's play sumo!" I said. Does he really not know what sumo is?

The boy was silent for a moment on his bicycle as if he was thinking hard. Then he got off his bike and walked over to me hesitantly.

"Okay!" He said.

"Then, get ready!" Without warning, I immediately encouraged him to imitate the movements of the sumo players I saw in the video.

The boy fell into a sitting position. He pondered for a moment as if he was holding something back. I looked at him, how could there be such a weak boy? Even though I have been training to be strong, as my father said, boys must be strong.

Tears flowed from his eyes and he immediately left taking his bicycle which I had not had time to borrow.

"That sucks, even though I wanted to borrow his bike."

***