Chapter 56

**Roman’s POV**

I feel myself retreating to the back of my mind, I feel out of control of my body and my emotions so it’s easier to just escape. I haven’t done this since I first came out to my parents and I felt that they were rejecting me as their son. Even for the countless hours that Samira and Todd tortured me I always stayed present and took on every hurtful word, every cut, every burn, every punch till my body physically shut down.

I feel Adam rinse the last of the suds from my body before he shuts the water off. He lifts me out of the shower and carries me to sit on the shut toilet while he dries off my body with a soft towel. “Roman, I am going to get us some dry clothes okay?”

I just stare at him, he waits for a response, for any words or even a nod but I can’t. I feel like I'm sitting in the back seat but no one is driving, so my body just stays unmoving and silent till he gives up and places a soft kiss on my forehead before exiting into the hospital room.

Adam returns with a duffle bag that he brought back with him the first time I sent him home to shower and change so he wouldn't have to leave my side. I would still send him away at least twice a day to get some sun and stretch his legs. I could see that staying in the little hospital chair day and night was causing his bones to ache but he refused to sleep away from me and with all the tubes and wires I had been hooked up to there was no room for him in my single sized bed.

My angel pulls out a long sleeved black shirt that he slips over my head alongside a pair of his clean boxers that he slides up my legs, lifting me slightly so he can slide them under my butt so they can sit on my waist. They hang loose, bunching up against above my pelvic bone and Adam furrows his brow at the sight “Sorry my love, they are a bit big, but I don’t know where the bag that the Luna brought for you is.”

I want to tell him that it’s okay, that I don’t mind if the clothes don’t fit, I’m just glad to wear something clean that smells like him, and is soft against my skin unlike the hospital gown. I want to smooth out his scrunched brows with my fingers before placing a soft kiss on his lips to return the love and care he always shows me but I have no control over my body.

I watch as he peels the dripping clothes from his body, I watch the contours of his muscles as he grips the wet fabric and wrings out the excess water before draping it over the sink and pulling on some dry clothes.

It’s hard to believe since he was already so fit before, but while I was at Dark Claw he seems to have gotten even stronger, his muscles even more prominent beneath his tanned skin. It’s not unexpected though from what I have heard, most of the past three weeks he spent training and looking for me. Adam is truly a great protector, maybe he doesn’t need me by his side and he can take on the Alpha title without me just dragging him down.

Adam once again today lifts me bridal style, walking us back into the hospital room and placing me on the bed, propping me up against the headboard with a pillow while placing the blanket over my exposed legs. My stare sits blankly on the wall ahead of me even as I hear my mate trying to pull my attention to him.

“Roman, please say something. I know right now it all might seem like too much but I need you to at least look at me” I still feel trapped in the backseat of an unmanned vehicle but somehow I am able to lock my gaze onto his beautiful emerald green eyes. “That’s very good my little mate, I know you're in there so please talk to me”

I manage a slight shake of my head to tell him that I can’t, I think it’s less I can’t climb into the driving seat, but more that if I do I might crash, shattering into a million unsalvageable pieces. I see the turmoil in those green eyes that I love, at my silence and I know I’m hurting him which he doesn’t deserve but I’m already cracking and I can’t let myself shatter completely.

“I heard that Ro was no longer on lockdown so If you two up for it I was thinking of a double date!” I hear Luca as he waltzes into my room full of excitement but I don’t dare to pull my stare away from his brother’s sad face. Adam turns away though to greet Luca and I’m assuming Logan since I hear another set of footsteps but my gaze stays on the empty space that seconds ago was occupied by my angel. “Not a good time Lu, sorry but Roman isn’t really feeling great right now”

“What’s wrong?” I hear Adam shushing Luca while pulling him out of the room and into the corridor to talk about me without upsetting me. Before the door closes though my best friend gives a gentle command. “Logan, stay here and keep him company”

“Uh, Hey Roman. Look I know we got off on the wrong paw when we first met, I was an ass and I never properly apologised so I’m sorry” I hear him say with true sincerity but the same way I couldn’t comfort Adam I cannot say the words needed to forgive the male beside me.

“You know when my mom died I didn’t speak for almost a month, I knew that if I did say something that I would just scream and cry and scream some more. I was hurting, angry, scared and alone. No one really noticed I stopped talking either, my dad was wrapped in his own grief, Conner didn’t care about me enough to notice and the twins were too little. Mom would have noticed though, she noticed everything about me but with her gone I was alone”

I push myself to look at the auburn haired boy, my heart breaking for him, losing my parents would devastate me and having no support system to help me through it would kill me.

“You have people who notice though, you aren’t alone you know. If you’re sad Luca is great at cheering me up, if you are scared, you have Adam to protect you and if you are angry then take it out on me. I deserve it and I won’t fight back. You can scream at me and hit me and I will take it. But if you keep hiding inside yourself you are going to hurt those around you.”

“Logan, I am not strong enough”

“Yes you are Alpha, you are stronger than most but right now you need to lean on those around you a little bit while you rebuild your strength”