Chapter 16: I can’t take it back…even though I want to

Kell:

I lean my head back on her door. I shouldn’t have said what I did. I know I hurt her. I want to run back in and tell her that I want her to be mine. But what if she’s not my mate? I would be cheating on her if I dated her and later found the one I was meant to be with. Even though my body wars with itself, I painfully pull away from the door and step outside. I’m numb by the time I get home. Everyone is there. Mathias, Cassia, Traeger, Jelena, Nevaeh, and Azazel are there too.

I can’t help but think that Amara should have been here with me. Rowan steps out of the kitchen with a bottle of beer in his hand. “Hey, little bro.” I pull him into a hug. “Rowan, where have you been?” He rolls his eyes and waves his hand. “Here and there.”

I give him my best glower. “Well, you’ve had everyone worried, you dick. Next time call or text.” He snorts and takes another swig. “I’m fine, man.”

Mikhail and Nevaeh walk up with their arms around each other. I give her my most roguish smile, which causes Mikhail to glower and Nevaeh to throw herself into my arms, “Kell, it’s so good to see you.”

Mikhail’s scowl deepens. However, he must see my discomfort because he pulls her out of my arms. “Let him breathe, princess.”

Nevaeh giggles and kisses his cheek. “It’s okay, babe. You know you’re the only one for me.”

I roll my eyes at their dramatics and turn to see Carrick and Haley enter the room. Carrick is holding her hand and smiling ear to ear.

A frown creases her features when she gazes around me and doesn’t see a thing. I don’t need the words to know what she’s thinking. I can see it on her face. Where’s Amara? And why isn’t she here?

Carrick introduces Haley around. She smiles shyly and answers questions. Carrick seems pretty happy. The mood in the room becomes more cheerful, but mine takes a dive by the time dinner time comes around. Everyone congregates in the dining room and take their seats, ready to eat. The food is great, but I barely eat. The table looks really nice with candles, shiny cutlery, gleaming plates and platters of rich food. Nevaeh and Cassia must have set the table because the rest of us are clueless when it comes to these things. I talk to Traeger and Jelena for a few minutes.

I’m surprised to see them here, considering Carrick and Traeger don’t get along. Actually, Traeger is fine with Carrick. It’s Carrick who had the problem. It must be a wolf thing.

The first time he and Carrick met, they almost got into a fight. To be fair, Traeger wasn’t looking for a fight. Carrick just saw him and went a little crazy. Traeger should have beat the crap out of Carrick when he tried to assert his status.

Luckily, Traeger had a lot more control and didn’t kill him. Traeger is not the kind of guy to take things lightly. He could have killed Carrick, where he stood. Traeger is fucking jacked and trained to kill.

My theory is that Carrick is an alpha without a pack, and Traeger was trained to be an alpha. His pack worships him and his mate Jelena. Carrick, on the other hand, does not have a pack. His pack abandoned him after his parents were branded traitors. That’s probably why he attacked Traeger. His instincts were probably telling him to dominate. I guess it’s a territory thing. That’s one of the reasons why he’s always so edgy.

Mikhail and I tried to calm Carrick down after the fight. Traeger was cool about it. It helps that his hot-as-hell mate, Jelena, kept him distracted. There’s also Dorian. He’s a lone wolf alpha who hangs out with Rowan and Azazel. He and Carrick seem to get along better. I think it’s because Dorian is more private and less dominant than Traeger.

Now it seems that Carrick doesn’t mind Traeger. It must be because he found his mate. Good for him.

Mathias and Alex seem to be in a deep discussion. Everyone is having a good time.

My thoughts, unfortunately, are a few miles away inside a mansion where a beautiful girl is lying in her bed pissed at me.

Azazel pats my back and brings me back to the present. “So what’s going on, mate? You call me once for an address and don’t call me again. I’m feeling a bit used. You’re such git.”

I snort at his comment. “Nothing new, man. Just getting shit done.” He raises a sardonic brow. “Really? I would have thought you’d locked down your lady love. The beauty queen, eh?”

I shake my head. “It’s not like that.” He snorts.

“Really? You have me pull her address for you, and you don’t do anything about it. What in the bloody hell happened?”

I shrug my shoulders and reach for my drink. “Nothing. She was really sick. I was just making sure she was okay.”

Alex must hear my words because he stops talking to Mathias and lays his hands on the table. “You slept over her house.”

Everyone stops talking and looks at me. I tighten my jaw and say through gritted teeth. “We’re just friends. Nothing happened. It’s not like that.”

I forgot that Haley is here because her fork drops on her plate, and she gives me a withering glare. I exhale angrily and slump back on my seat. “Can we please drop this? I’m in the mood for dessert. Do we have dessert?”

Alex nods. “Of course. I’ll bring it out in a minute.” Everyone turns their attention back to the food but, Alex, Mikhail, and Azazel continue to watch me with questioning stares.

After dinner, I head to my room. Unfortunately, Mikhail, Alex, Azazel, and Carrick stop me before I can make my escape. I roll my eyes as they usher me to the kitchen. I’m surrounded by a wall of jeans and sweaters.

“What the hell, guys. Is this an intervention or something?” They all cross their hands in front of their chests with speculative frowns.

Carrick speaks first. “What’s going on. Kell? I know you have a thing for Amara. So what happened?”

Everyone waits for my answer.

“Look, I just don’t want to make things serious between Amara and me.”

Alex frowns. “Why? It seems that you care about her. I mean, you took care of her while she was sick.”

I look down at my hands, exhale a long breath, and look back up. “I just don’t know if she’s my mate. She hasn’t mentioned any dreams to me. What if I date her and meet my mate?”

Azazel snorts and leans his shoulders on the wall. “Well, I doubt she’s going to come right out and say that she’s been dreaming about you, mate. She’s human. She doesn’t have a bollocks clue about angel mating. Have you told her what you are?”

I shake my head. “No. I don’t think I can bear it if she rejects me.” Mikhail places his hand on my shoulder. “I understand how you’re feeling, little brother. But sometimes, you just have to take a leap.”

I shrug his hand off and back away. “Look, guys, I really appreciate your concern, but I’ve made my choice. I’d appreciate it if you backed off.”

They all look at each other disappointed, which pisses me off even more. No, another word is said.

Everyone talks and celebrates for the next couple of hours. Barring the fact that I miss Amara, it’s a pleasant evening.

Nevaeh and Haley sit close together and begin to talk. “So, are you in any school activities, Haley?”

Haley nods. “Yeah, I’m in the student council with my friend Juliet and in photography with my best friend, Amara.”

Nevaeh’s lip curls derisively. “Amara Vega?” Haley nods enthusiastically. “Yeah. Amara is the best photographer in the school.” Nevaeh snorts. “That’s surprising. Amara didn’t seem the type to be a joiner. She was always the party girl.”

My ears perk up at her words. Haley vows her head glumly. “Yeah, she changed after the accident.”

Nevaeh rubs her hands together. “Yeah, that was crazy about Jason. He was a good kid. What about this year?”

Haley shrugs. “Since it’s our senior year, we decided that it was okay to have a little fun.”

Nevaeh snorts and rolls her eyes. “Yeah, fun’s good.”

Eventually, the night ends, and everyone heads home. To our surprise, Mikhail, Nevaeh, and Rowan decide to stay the night.

Carrick takes Haley’s hand and leads her out the door as I make my way to my room. Unfortunately, I end up stumbling upon Mikhail and Nevaeh making out in the hallway. They’re both kissing and laughing contentedly, unaware of their reluctant audience.

I walk through them and purposely push them apart. “Seriously? Get a room, you two.”

Nevaeh giggles, but Mikhail simply glares and says, “Jealous?”

I scoff and sneer. “Why would I be jealous of you and Nevaeh?”

He wraps his arm around Neveah’s shoulder. “Because we’re not scared of being in love.”

My sneer fades, and my face becomes stony at his comment. Mikhail smirks, aware that he hit a nerve, but I don’t give him the pleasure of knowing that he hit a bulls-eye. Instead, I open my door and yell over my shoulder. “Screw you, Khail.” Khail simply chuckles and takes Neveah into his room.

Once I’m in my room, I slam the door shut and kick a nearby chair. “Fuck!” I have never felt like such an asshole in my life. My guilt consumes me throughout the night. I barely sleep, wondering if Amara is okay or if she’s shivering under her covers. At around midnight, I give in and text her to see if she’s okay.

I’m fine. She responds.

Her response only makes the emptiness in my heart deepen. I wanted to slam my phone against the wall and break it into pieces.

We don’t talk to each other for days after that. We simply continue with our lives as if nothing happened between us. My already shaky resolve begins to crumble when I see her talking to that hipster Taylor Mathews. There’s just something about the guy that rubs me the wrong way. I know that he’s some big shot editor in school, but it’s just weird how he’s always around. Unfortunately, Amara seems oblivious to the guy’s attention.

What annoys me the most is that she doesn’t seem to be affected by our parting words. I, on the other hand, don’t know how long I can stay away from her. It’s even worse because I have to see her during tutoring. It kills me that she’s so impersonal when all I can think about is her near-naked body wrapped around me.

The ride to school is just as solemn. Carrick and I don’t banter like we usually do because he’s too busy wooing his new girlfriend. He and Haley are going strong. They go out, text, call each other, and hang out more, which leaves me to my thoughts.

I almost throw up when we get to school, and she jumps into his arms. Seeing the deep affection they have for each other just makes things a little harder. I’m rushing past their entwined figures when I see her. Amara’s walking down the hallway with a stack of books in her hands, not noticing that I’m in front of her. I straighten my shoulders and try to find a way to escape, but she doesn’t even notice I’m there. Instead, she continues to look down distractedly and walks past me. I had never felt so invisible in my life. What irks me most is that I have no one to blame for her indifference but myself.

Thankfully, it’s almost Friday, and I don’t have to deal with any more of this awkwardness for two days. I just have to find some way to get through the day. The feeling in my chest tightens as I watch her make casual conversation with her friends. Just then, a warm hand lands on my shoulder, startling me out of my thoughts. I look back and come face to face with Tiffany Gibbons. “Hey, Kell.” She says cheerfully.

I take out a few books from my locker and answer. “Hey, Tiff. What’s up?”

She leans her shoulder on the locker next to mine, accentuating her ample curves. Which makes it very hard for me not to stare at her nearly naked chest and legs. She’s wearing some kind of see-through mesh tank top and cut-off jeans that mold to her abundant curves. What? I’m a guy. Sue me.

Tiffany purses her lip and runs a long red nail down my arm. “Well, I was thinking…maybe you’d like to go out with me tomorrow night.”

She mutters as she slides her finger across my bicep. Any other male would probably enjoy her attention. However, I don’t feel a thing. As I gaze into her eyes, all I see is brittle insincerity. Even though I want to say yes, my body rebels at the thought of being close to her. I just need to know if Amara is the one for me.

So, instead of saying yes, I say, “Sorry, Tiff, there’s someone else I’m into.”

Tiffany leans closer and gives me a clearer view of her cleavage. “Oh, that’s too bad, Kell. I would have taken care of you real good.” She ends with a sing-song voice.

I want to roll my eyes, but I keep my cool and respond as kindly as I can. “I really appreciate the offer Tiff. And I’ll definitely let you know if I change my mind.” Not wanting to say anymore, I close my locker door and head to class.