Chapter 85 That’s your big argument?
Ryan
I ran like I’d never run before. The night was cold, but I was burning up. I pushed past everyone on the sidewalk, racing back to the hospital. When I finally reached her room, Saraphina was there, alone, sitting on the edge of her bed. This was it.
"Hey," I got out, still trying to catch my breath.
She lifted her head and smiled at me. That smile… it meant something.
"Hi," she said.
I tried to slow my breathing, leaning in the doorway, pretending to be calm. I wondered if she could hear my heart tearing itself apart.
"So, is a comma in a text our new code for ‘come over’?" I tried to joke. She rolled her eyes.
I walked in and shut the door. Usually she’d say something, but this time she was just quiet.
I tried to meet her eyes, but she wouldn’t look at me. And right then, I knew. She was going to say no.
It got hard to breathe.
"Ry, about the proposal…" she began, but I moved close and pressed a finger to her lips.
"Not yet," I told her.
I sat beside her and she shifted over to give me space. Being this near to her made my whole body tense. I’d been aching to see her… to hold her. I really had.
So I didn’t wait. I opened my arms and gently pulled her head to my chest. If she didn’t want it, she’d push me away. She didn’t.
Slowly, I traced the lines of her face with my fingers, her jaw, her chin, her mouth. Then she looked up at me.
"Ry…"
"Don’t," I whispered.
"I think I can give you my answer now," she said, her voice firm.
Your eyes had already told me everything.
"No," I said. "I don’t need it right now."
"But.."
"It’s okay. Let me have this moment. Just for a little while." I waited a breath before adding, "I don’t need forever today. I just need right now."
I didn’t have any fight left in me. This was it. She was either with me or she wasn’t. It was her choice, and she had to make it alone.
Whatever that choice was.
I’m not going to punish you for your answer, but just give me this. Please.
She looked confused, but I smiled. Finally, she nodded and rested her head on my chest. I held her closer, wondering if she could feel my heart beating only for her. Her head rose and fell with every breath I took.
This is where I belong.
Then, out of nowhere, her hand came up and touched my arm. I jumped at the feeling. Her fingers brushed over the tattoo there—her name. My skin burned everywhere she touched.
I looked at her, and she was already looking back.
I understood then that sometimes words don’t matter at all. Thinking, speaking, doing anything else right then would have been wrong.
There are times in your life that change everything. Times that are just perfectly still. This was one of them.
After this ended and she told me her answer, nothing would ever be the same. So if I could, I wanted to live inside this moment. Just a little longer.
That night, we slept in each other’s arms, like two pieces made to fit. I hadn’t slept that deeply in so long.
When I woke up, I expected to see her there beside me. But she wasn’t. Not in the bed, not in the room.
Fuck. This again?
I threw the covers off and ran to the bathroom. Empty. I looked out into the hall. Nothing.
Shit.
I hurried down the corridor and passed a big window—and there she was. Outside in the garden, sitting on a bench with fucking Cole. He handed her a brown paper bag, and she hugged him.
What a way to wake up.
The air left my lungs. I dragged a hand through my hair and turned away. I couldn’t watch anymore.
Fuck my life.
Saraphina
I walked back to my room, thinking I’d find Ryan still asleep. But he was gone. I was only downstairs for five minutes. His phone was on the table, so he couldn’t be far.
Where did he go now?
I checked the halls, the coffee shop, the cafeteria. Nothing. Then I noticed the emergency exit sign at the end of the hallway.
Maybe…
I’d just had surgery. I was weak, and climbing all those stairs almost made me collapse.
But when I opened the door, I was on the hospital roof. The sky was open above me, New York was below me, and Ryan… was right there.
His back was to me, but he turned when he heard the door. He looked surprised to see me. And his eyes were wet.
"Ry?" I breathed. "What are you doing up here?"
He swallowed and gave me a tired smile.
"Avoiding you," he said, almost laughing. "Putting off your answer as long as I can."
"Ry—" I started, but he stopped me.
"It’s okay. I’m ready now." He nodded slightly, his eyes dark and serious.
I’d never seen him like this. He looked broken.
"Hey…" I stepped forward, but he stepped back.
"I know what you’re going to say. It’s alright. Just say it. I can handle it," he said softly.
I tilted my head and studied him.
"You’re not going to argue with me? That’s not like you."
"I’m done, Saraphina. This is as far as I can go."
"Really? I thought you’d fight harder. I even had more points ready… about your terrible timing, or what about our jobs? Or money? Would you stay here, or would I have to move to Hawaii?"
"I don’t know, Saraphina. Honestly, I don’t have all the answers." He paused, running a hand through his hair. "I won’t make you promises I can’t keep. I won’t tell you I’m the best man for you, because we know I’m not. I’m not perfect. I do stupid things. I hurt you. I pushed you too far. And if we get married, we’ll probably fight… and probably have amazing make-up sex, too," he said with a sad smile.
There he is. The Ryan I know.
"So that’s it? That’s your big argument?" I asked.