Chapter 60 Please don’t kill me..
Saraphina
Leaving my apartment, leaving Ryan behind, my head finally cleared. I had to face it, what I feel for him hasn’t gone anywhere. Him showing up like that, out of the blue… last night I got swept away. I lost my grip.
But today, I have to listen to my head. What in the world was he thinking? Appearing out of nowhere, telling me he still loves me… what was he trying to accomplish? Blow our whole family apart? I’ve built something new here, a better life. Ryan was never part of the plan.
Maybe he just loves you that much, my stupid heart whispered.
You’re a mess. Quiet, my head shot back.
God, this was going to be a long day.
Elle texted me to meet at a café near campus. She was already there when I arrived, hair in a messy bun, wearing a huge hoodie and sweats, the universal sign of a hangover. Her tired eyes brightened when she saw me walk in.
“Oh, thank god, you’re here!” she said, her voice too cheerful.
“What’s going on, Elle?”
“Funny story. This morning, I woke up in Cole’s uncle’s bathtub. No clue how I got there,” she let out a dry, fake laugh, then her face fell completely. “Please tell me I wasn’t a disaster last night?”
“Well… how do you define ‘disaster’?”
“Shit! Please tell me I didn’t spill Cole’s secret to you.”
“How do you define… ‘spill’?”
“Shit! Ugh, I knew it! He is going to fucking murder me!” She smacked her own forehead.
“No, Elle, I’m glad you told me. I had a right to know.”
“Yeah, but not like that. Damn it, Livingston, why did you have to serve rosé at your party?!” She rolled her eyes, and I managed a weak laugh.
“So, have you talked to Cole about it?” she asked, her voice careful.
“No. Last night I meant to, but… something else happened.”
“What something?” she pushed. “What could possibly be more important than this?”
I hesitated. What could I say? Oh, nothing, just my ex-boyfriend slash stepbrother materialized, confessed his eternal love, and we ended up in my bed.
“Saraphina Livingston, I know you’re keeping something from me. Out with it,” she pressed again.
“Elle, if I tell you, you have to swear not to tell a soul. Not anyone. And especially not Cole!”
“Don’t worry, I’ve got your back. Hey, I kept Cole’s secret for three years. That’s a decent track record.” I rolled my eyes at her sarcasm.
I drew a deep breath and steadied myself.
“Do you remember… Hawaii Guy?”
“The summer fling who took your virginity and then dumped you over the phone three years ago? Hard to forget,” Elle replied, her tone casual.
“If you’d read my book, you’d know that’s not exactly how it happened,” I said, defensive. “But anyway. He’s back.”
“Back? What do you mean, back?”
“He came to see me last night.”
“Last night? But we were together at your party… and then your brother came and—oh.” Elle’s eyes went wide. Her mouth actually fell open. “Holy shit, Saraphina Livingston. Are you telling me Hawaii Guy is your..”
“Shhh!” I cut her off fast, leaning across the table. “Please. Do not say it out loud. Please,” I begged.
“Well, damn. Oh, damn.”
“Elle, please.”
Here it comes, I thought. The judgment. The are-you-out-of-your-mind? look.
I braced for Elle to lose it completely. But instead, she looked right into my eyes, and her expression softened. A small, knowing smile touched her lips, and she nodded.
“Don’t worry. I’ve got you. I won’t tell.”
“Really?” I was stunned by how calm she was. Drama was practically her middle name. I’d expected… more.
“So what happened?” she asked again, leaning in.
“Well, he, uh… he said he still loves me. And then we…”
“Oh, no. Tell me you didn’t…”
“How do you define ‘didn’t’…?”
“Shit.”
“Yeah. My thoughts exactly,” I sighed.
“Well. Cole doesn’t stand a chance now, does he?”
“Elle.”
“What do you think is going to happen with you and your… brother?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is he still here?”
“Yes.”
“For how long?”
“I don’t know that either.”
“Well… do you want him to stay?”
I’d wrestled with that question the whole walk over. I knew the answer. It wasn’t a good answer, but it was the truth.
“I do…” I paused, then whispered, “I am the most terrible person on the planet, aren’t I?”
Elle took a long breath and let it out slowly. “No, you’re not. I get it, Sara. Love just… happens sometimes. It doesn’t ask permission.” She looked away, out the café window.
“But that doesn’t make it right,” I said, my smile thin and bitter.
“Yeah, it doesn’t,” she agreed, turning back to me. “But it doesn’t have to be ‘right’ to be real.”
I looked at her, confused.
“Don’t worry. You’ll figure it all out. When the time is right.” Elle reached across the table and took my hand, then pulled me into a hug over the empty coffee cups. Her voice was warm, comforting. I hugged her back, even though I wasn’t sure what she meant. She wasn’t judging me. She understood. I needed that so badly right then.
“I hate to say this, though,” she murmured, still hugging me, “but you might need to figure it out fast.”
“Why?”
“Because Cole is here. He’s walking right toward us.”
“What?!” I pulled back and saw Cole making his way between the tables.
“I’m sorry. He’s been trying to reach you, and I told him where we were. I didn’t know we’d end up talking about your step-whatever,” she whispered the last word.
“Elle!” I hissed.
“Sara, just be honest with yourself. You’ll know what to do,” she said, giving my arm a squeeze.
“Hey, you two,” Cole said, now beside our table.
“Hey, Cole. Okay, listen, I gotta run. You kids talk, alright?” Elle gave me an apologetic grimace. “Please don’t kill me, Sara. And you too, Cole.” With that, she was up and heading for the door.
“What’s with her?” Cole laughed, taking her empty seat.
I took another deep breath. Here we go.
“Cole, we need to talk.” I waited a second, then said it. “Elle told me. About how you really feel about me.”
“That little…” he muttered, his expression collapsing.
“It’s not her fault. I had a right to know. Don’t you think?”
He was quiet. He shifted in his chair and finally sighed.
“True,” he said, his voice low.
“Cole… you are the best person I know. And I love you. Like family.”