I'll do as you wish

I'll do as you wish
VINCE

“Trent and I had the most horrible father-son relationship, and I'd be lying if I said I never thought about killing him a million times. I was genuinely convinced that I wouldn't feel shit if I did away with him. But when it eventually happened, something cracked inside me. It opened up a pit of agony. An endless pit that I couldn't fill up with anything at all. It's been sitting pretty in my chest.”

I paused, trying to breathe through the wave of tears clogging my throat. For a man terrified of being vulnerable, it's fucking unbelievable that I'm bawling my eyes out in front of her.

I guess it's safe to say she's the only exception. The only one who makes it secure enough for me to be vulnerable. And she's not even doing much. She's just sitting there. So I guess it isn't about what she does. It's about her. Her presence.

“Did you two get to talk before he died?” She asked. She was silently crying too. I guess even she feels some lingering feelings for Trent.

“No. That's the awful part. I was unconscious. When I woke up, he was already long gone. But Leo said…” I paused again, taking sharp breaths to keep these fucking tears in check.

“What?” She prompted softly.

“He said that Trent apologized. That he said he was sorry. And I think that's what hurt me the most. Why the fuck did he apologize? Now I feel wretched, and I'm bound to forgive him because he's not here anymore, and I want his spirit to be at peace.”

“I don't think that's the only reason you wanna forgive him.” She said. I stared at her blankly. Is she playing shrink on me? “You know I'm right.” She added.

“Fuck yeah, you're right.” I scoffed, wiping off my tears. “I thought I was very mad at him. I thought I hated him and nothing would ever change that. But then I realized if he'd apologized, sincerely. If he'd told me he was sorry, it might have solved every bitterness between us. I don't hate him as much as I thought I did. Too bad I realized that a little too late.”

“You love him, Vince. You always will. That's the reason.”

She's spelling it all out for me because I was having trouble saying it myself. I was running in circles and saying every unnecessary thing out there just to avoid saying the real thing that's been eating me up.

I love my son. I always will. And I blame myself somewhat for how terrible we fell off. I started as his protector but along the line, I ended up being his predator. It's as much my fault as it was his.

It was my obsession with Elena. That's what ruined my bond with him. If she hadn't happened, Trent and I would have still had our initial, imperfect but wholesome relationship.

I'm not saying I regret ever falling for Elena. And this is what I've been struggling not to admit, but I'd like another chance with Trent. Maybe in some afterlife or some alternate universe. With no Elena.

“I'd like another chance with my son,” I admitted, ignoring how many tears were making their way down. “And I have regrets too. I wish I had the chance to say sorry to him, too. The fact that I never got the chance to do that is what's been eating me up. But that day at his funeral, I prayed to the moon goddess to help me tell him that. Hopefully, he forgives me.”

“I'm sure he did.”

I nodded. “What about you? Don't you have any regrets towards him?”

“No. Because in our story, I was the victim. He messed up my life with Tracy. Not even death can rewrite that. I just hate that he died. I wanted him to stay alive so I could keep hating him. It's so hard hating a dead person.” She was sobbing again.

“Elena, how would you want me to end this war?” I blurted out, unable to resist the urge to ask her. I needed her opinion on this. “Declan wants a truce. Leo is against it. Your Father is such a peacemaker. He thinks it's the right thing to do. I'm trapped.”

“Declan wants a truce? Is that what he asked for, in exchange for returning me to you?”

“Yes, and also that I shouldn't kill Beck.”

“You wanted to kill him?”

“Fuck yeah, he killed my son.”

“Right. I understand.” She sucked in a breath. She doesn't understand. She's trying to understand. She's trying not to freak out.

Elena hates war. She hates chaos. She's Richard's daughter and they share the same opinion when it comes to that.

I don't even need to ask if she wants me to reach a truce. I think I already know what her answer is gonna be.

“So?” I insisted. I wanna hear her say it. Dr. Drake said we should communicate instead of coming to conclusions in our heads. That's what I'm trying to do.

“You know how much I despise Declan.”

“I know that.”

“And you know I despise those dogs.”

“I know, Ma'am.”

Her eyes shone as if she realized she had just made a mistake. “Sorry. I didn't mean that.”

“C'mon. No offense taken.” I chuckled slightly. I don't think I'm ever gonna adjust to them feeling bad when they use the ‘dog’ term.

I really wish they would just keep using it without feeling sorry for me. It doesn't offend me whatsoever.

“I really don't want you getting into any form of deal with Declan. If I could have it my way, I'd want him removed from the surface of the earth.”

“Alright…” I nodded obligingly. But I knew she wasn't done. She was trying to get to a point and I was patiently waiting for her to get there.

“But I'm tired, Vince.” She continued, with a pout. “I want all these to end. I want my life back. I know it's impossible to get all of it so I want as much as I can get back. I want to start over. With you and our daughter. That's all I want. No more bloodshed.”

Yeah, that's what I thought.

“Come here.” I stretched a hand and she grabbed it quickly. I pulled her in and she settled easily on my thighs. I buried my head into her chest and she patted it like she would to her seven-year-old kid.

“I know you're exhausted too. You have to be. So let's end this. Let's give ourselves a chance to be happy. Hmm?” She added, kissing my head.

I returned the kiss on her boobs, through her dress, of course.

“Say no more, baby. I'll do as you wish.”

“Thank you.” The relief in her voice was audible. I hoped she heard the love in mine. Because it was there and it was fucking loud.

“I wanna go see Claire.” She said after a brief silence.

“Five minutes. Let's stay this way for five more minutes. You can go see her after.”

She giggled and held me tighter. “Alright.”