Chapter 29 Man Try
Chapter 29 Man Try
Cillian
There was something off with Sloane ever since I told her last night to cancel our wine tasting and dinner. I thought she would get over her mood after the meeting with Mr. Fujitaka today, but I was wrong.
She only talked to me via email or text. I fucked up again; the fear of not getting the deal had claws on me. Mr. Fujitaka and his company have been part of our business legacy.
It would be a shame to lose the deal on my seat as the CEO. My father would find his way back from the grave to mock me and say, “I told you so.” Anything to prove that I was weak and wouldn't even measure up to his standard.
The other morning, I decided to run to clear my head, only to see my wife enjoying her tour without me.
Seeing her laughing with another man pushed me to the verge of being derailed and rage.
And I glanced at her packing her suitcase, proving to myself that maybe my father was right.
I was solely capable of destroying good things.
She wouldn't speak a word to me unless it were for work.
She wouldn't eat at the same table with me. I thought giving her the space to sort out her feelings would help; however, it was eating me from the inside out.
I was at fault, and I deserved all her silence.
I didn't fucked up the deal, so close on signing it, but winning didn't excite me, when the one thing worth celebrating was here but so far and distant.
One last night in London, how could my stupid ass self undo a mistake?
“Sloane?” I mastered the courage to talk to her.
Just try. Fucking try, man.
“Since we have to go back home and we have to wait for Mr. Fujitaka to make his decision soon, at this point we’ve done everything we could to make him see that our deal was the best and— “
She continued to grab the clothes from the bed and placed them inside the luggage.
“It’s fine if you need more, I’ll do that first thing the moment we—”
“Stop, please, listen, I fucked up, I’m a jerk who keeps hurting you and not living up to my promises. “
Sloane stared at me emotionless, and it broke me.
Damn. They could all swear not to vouch for me.
But her? Seeing how disappointed she was in me.
The pain was unbearable.
“What's your point?” She uttered, concentrating on folding her clothes.
“I’m not asking you to love me back. I don’t expect that, and I’m not sure if I ever will because I’m the furthest thing from lovable. I’m selfish, rude, and don’t know the first thing about being in a relationship with someone. But that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to try for you if you let me.”
Her sharp eyes softened, and sadness occupied her.
“You made selfish choices, Cillian, but it doesn't mean you are one. You keep doing it to me, and it’s hard to come back every time. To believe that the goodness I see in you is really real.”
There were no tears in her eyes, just finality.
Like she was ready to leave it all behind.
Leave me for good and never come back.
“I don’t think you're a selfish person, at least not completely, yet ever since I signed that stupid contract to marry you, it has been a circle of torment—”
“Baby, I—”
She held her hand up and shut her eyes.
“Let me finish, because I won’t repeat these things, Cillian. I have more self-respect than this. I’m done being treated hot and cold. I’m over you saying you're falling in love with me yet doing the exact opposite.”
She sighed, and I probably deserve her walking away now.
But I couldn't find myself in my right mind to let her go.
“I have no excuses for you, you're right.”
“I signed that contract to help you. I’m not the one catching feelings and rubbing them on my face for you to always leave me hanging, making me feel that I’m alone. Cillian, make up your fucking mind. Please spare me the bullshit and make up your mind.”
She said, and I winced at every truth in her words.
“We’re more than that piece of paper, Sloane.”
“Then prove it! Because right now, Cillian, I feel like a crushed paper you stamped on. “
My wife turned her away and glanced at the glass walls.
I walked towards her, drawing her near me, hugging her from behind.
I kissed the top of her head and smelled her hair. She took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry you’re married to a piece of shit like me,” I whispered.
“Cillian, I don’t know what kind of toxic relationship you and your father had. Everything he said and expected of you will only be true if you let it be your truth or define who you are. He’s dead, Cillian, yet he's still winning over you.”
“I’m stating facts, I’m unlovable and—”
“Then change, don’t wait until you reach your grave before realizing your mistakes, like your father.”
My body tensed and stoned into a statue. She was healing me: her gentleness, her patience, and her love.
Maybe not yet, but I could tell she cared for me.
I stammered. “Do you always have an answer for everything?”
“For the one that matters most.” The way she looked at me stirred up something deep inside of me.
Longing.
To feel what it was like to be loved by her.
I yearned for her to give me another chance, regardless of the potential fallout, and I might get hurt.
I might, but I might have missed out on something special because I was too afraid of the what-ifs. I was done being that person, the man my father thought I was.
Even if it meant getting hurt, I’d rather try and fail than never try at all.
I placed her body in front of mine, let her stand on the tips of my toes, and pressed my lips against her. I held me tight against my chest, as if I was afraid of letting her go.
She pulled away, only to clasp onto my stubbled chin.
“I don’t want a make-up kind of angry sex, Cillian. I don’t want to keep crossing the line and getting hurt every time.”
She murmured, her tone full of agony—my poor beautiful wife.
And I gathered her in my arms, and felt her heat against mine.
“I want all of you, all you can give me, especially the wife aspect,” I answered her.
She grunted, not believing me.
“This could be a disaster, but please allow me to try.”
She laughed, “It’s already a disaster, Cillian.”
“Call me husband and it wouldn't be.”
She didn't say anything anymore, but her head lay on my chest.
I intended to keep her by my side and fight the demons my father left me behind.