I don't know if I can do this

I don't know if I can do this
Meera~

A dream~

I saw my best friend, Miller and a girl around Five years in the arms of Ian. She had those soft blue eyes that I know who she was. I instantly recognised her.

Abigail...

My eyes teared up, is it a dream? It has to be. Because I have lost them...or maybe I am dead too.

But if I am getting to meet them after being dead than I am the most happiest.

She looks exactly like him. Same eyes, same hair, same nose. My daughter.

I looked at the two men and more tears spilled from my eyes "I have missed you both so much. Thank you for bringing me here...I am not leaving you all ever again".

They smiled. I wanted to hug them, I wanted to take my daughter in my arms. I started to walk towards them but everytime I move forward they started to vanish. No.

"It's not your time, go back. He is waiting for you" they said in unison and I cried for them to stop. I ran after them but they vanished into the thin air as if they were never here.

I screamed and wailed but they never came back.

I heard distant voices but it didn't matter. I want my daughter. I want my family.

"I am waiting for you"

"Please come back"



I took a very strangled breath and my eyes shot open in the dark room. A sharp pain erupted in my head, it feels like someone was hammering my head.

Oh god!!

And those voices that sounded so familiar and real, that it was almost like someone was talking to me.

The lights of the room were completely off and then in the blink of an eye they got on. Blinding me with flash.

"I am here baby...I am here" I heard the familiar voice the same voice which was calling me. The same voice for whom I came back.

I looked at him and he was crying too. Sobs after sobs wrecked through my chest as he hugged me tightly.

"Abram I saw--them-- our Abigail " I sobbed against his chest.

"What did she look like?" He asked and I looked at him. He helped me sit and I laughed "she is about Angela's height and she has your hair, your eyes, nose, she exactly looks like you and she was smiling in Ian's arms. God, Abram she is so beautiful just like I imagined "

I raved about our daughter, he was grinning through his tears. I know he must have imagined her too.

"Let me call the doctor" he said and I frowned. Doctor? Am I in hospital? I tried to recall what happened and gradually everything started to fall back into the place.

Charlotte finding about me and Abram, the accident. God the accident..."is Charlotte okay? Where is Elsie?" I asked.

"They are fine. Lay down okay...I am gonna call the doctor".

I held his hand and looked at him through the teary vision "what happened, pigeon? " his voice was music to my ears.

"I don't want to be apart from you anymore. I have got second chance at life right?"

He nodded, cupping my face between his soft palms.

"I don't want to waste it...I want to get better. I want to heal. I want to be with you forever".

Yes, it's enough now. I am tired of being into the darkness. I want to see the light. So that when I die, I can tell my people that I didn't waste my life. That I grew strong. So that I could tell my Abigail that her mama wasn't a coward. I want her to see that I made it out.

"I am proud of you, baby " he pulled me into his arms again.

"Meera" I looked over Abram's shoulder and found my little girl standing at the doorway. I asked her to come near, she ran towards him and leaped into my arms.

I unwrapped my arms from Abram's neck and pulled my Elsie near my chest. She sobbed, clinging to myself "how could you leave me like that? "

I stroked her hair "I am here, darling. I am here with you" she looked at me, "I don't want to be an orphan. I need my mom, you are my mom... please don't leave me. I need you in my life, I want you in my life forever".

My arms tighten around her. My heart feels at peace. I want nothing more. I have got my Elsie. I have got my Abram. I don't want anything else.

I want to be better for them. I want to be better for me.

The doctor's walked in, checking me. Taking me for CT scans.



I was sitting on the hospital bed, my mama feeding me the disgusting apples. Angela was making a tik tok in my room with Elsie. God, this kid is super active.

"Why aren't you home, mama? Isn't father there?" I ask because my mother doesn't stay out much if the father is home. He doesn't like her going out.

"I divorced him". She said shoving a slice of apple in my mouth. My eyes widened and heart leaped.

"Mama...I am so proud of you" she didn't say anything. I know she was struggling with her emotions. But I also know she will come around.

Charlotte walked inside panting "Abram's grandmother was found dead in the Ashram. She suffered a silent attack. We need to leave".

No.

"You can't go Meera. You need rest." I frowned at my mother.

"She was a mother figure to me mama. I will go and Abram needs me".



I didn't know mummy took renunciation and went to India. God, Abram must have felt so alone without her.

Abram gave me a side hug when they burnt her body. I wish I had met her one last time. I loved her , I liked her. I wish she hadn't left the world this soon.

"We are going to leave this world together, okay". Abram said and I gave him a sad small smile.

I have no intention of leaving this world without him either.



A month later~

"I am gonna miss you mother Meera" I cringed at the way Elsie called me mother. God, this girls has been teasing me a lot.

I kissed her on the forehead "I am gonna miss you too. Focus on school and your hockey matches". I will miss her but I also gotta be better for her.

I crossed my arms against my chest and watched my ex-husband now my fuckbuddy, placing my luggage in the car.

We have fucked a lot in the past one month. Because we knew we won't be meeting each other for six months now.

"Stop messing with your hair...six months are not that long" I said and wrapped my arms around him from the behind. He relaxed but I know he is still anxious from inside.

I walked in front of him and cupped his face "Take care of them and please take care of yourself too".

He looked as if he was trying hard not to cry. "I will and you take care of yourself. " I tiptoed and placed my lips against his. Just savoring the warmth.

"I love you" he whispered against my lips. "I love you back".

I sat inside the car and rolled up the windows, I didn't dare to look
out because I know I would drop this plan, I won't be able to go.

As the car rolled, a shaky breath left my mouth and I broke down in sobs.

I really don't know if I can do this.