48

48
It’s been over two weeks since I last saw Emma.

And yes, I’ve been counting.

I know exactly what time she usually leaves her place. That’s why I’ve made it a routine to either leave earlier or much later—anything to avoid running into her. It's not that I don’t want to see her… It’s that I know I won’t survive it if I do.

I miss her. So much that it physically aches.

I wonder if she thinks about me too. Is she missing me? Longing for me, the way I long for her?

I know I’m probably torturing myself with these thoughts, but I can’t help it. She’s everywhere in my mind. In every memory, in every silent moment, in every dream. It’s almost cruel, how someone can still be so present even in their absence.

And now, suddenly, every love song makes sense. All the metaphors about broken hearts, the lyrics about aching for someone who’s gone… they don’t feel cliché anymore. They feel like my life. After school, with nowhere else to be and nothing else to distract me, I find myself lying on my bed, listening to these songs like they’re personal letters.

Maybe it’s because I’m heartbroken. Or maybe it’s because I’ve finally learned what real heartbreak feels like.

“Don’t leave me in all this pain,
Don’t leave me out in the rain…”

Toni Braxton’s voice fills my room like a ghost of every soft kiss and whispered promise Emma gave me.

“Come back and bring back my smile,
Come and take these tears away…”

I sniffed, and before I could even catch myself, my eyes welled up. My throat burned from holding back the sob, but it was useless.

“I need your arms to hold me now,
The nights are so unkind…”

The tears broke free.

I clutched a pillow to my chest, curling up around it like it could bring her back.

Emma.

I miss her laugh, her sarcastic remarks, the way she rolled her eyes when I said something dramatic. I even miss the way she got jealous of Kate—something she never admitted but was so obvious in the way her voice would shift, her hands would tense.

“Bring back those nights when I held you beside me…”

Why did we end up like this?

I should’ve fought harder for her. Or maybe she should’ve fought for me. I don’t even know anymore.

“Un-break my heart…
Say you’ll love me again…”

I started softly mouthing the lyrics, but the words turned into a whisper, then a murmur, and before I knew it—

“Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life—”

My bedroom door slammed open and I nearly screamed.

My heart skipped a beat.

“What the F—?!”

I bolted upright.

Anne stood by the door, her eyes wide, half in shock, half in worry.

“Oh my God, are you… are you crying?” She rushed in and sat beside me on the bed.

I scrambled to wipe my face. “W-What? No—what are you doing here?”

She narrowed her eyes, looking at me like I was the worst liar on Earth—which, fair.

“Well, Dad said you haven’t been leaving your room and that you’ve been skipping meals. And apparently, you blast heartbreak songs like it’s a funeral in here.”

She gently rubbed my back, her voice softening. “What’s going on, Jen?”

I didn’t answer right away.

I looked at her and for a moment, I remembered how things used to be before she moved out. We were close—closer than most sisters with a five-year age gap. She’d always let me crawl into her bed when I had nightmares. She’d fight the kids at school who teased me and dry my tears with her shirt.

And then life happened. She got a job, moved out, had boyfriends… we stopped talking every day. Texts became less frequent. Calls became rare.

But now she was here. Sitting next to me like no time had passed.

“Well, I got grounded,” I said dryly. “So I’m just being an obedient daughter. You know, staying in my room, wallowing in misery.”

She didn’t smile.

“You drank and drove, Jen,” she said calmly but firmly. “You know how Mom and Dad feel about that. They’re cool with a lot of things, but not that.”

“I know, okay?” I snapped, then immediately regretted it. “Sorry.”

She gave me a look that told me she wasn’t here to lecture me.

“But you know that’s not what I’m asking. Something else is going on. Spill it.”

I shook my head. “It’s nothing, Anne. Really. I just don’t feel like doing anything these days.”

She rolled her eyes and stood up. “Okay, that’s it. Get up.”

“What?”

“We’re going out.”

“Didn’t I mention I’m grounded?”

“Not tonight, you’re not.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I already spoke to Mom. I told her I’m taking you out. They’re worried, but they want to stick to the punishment, so this is an exception. They’re letting me steal you for the night.”

She grinned, proud of herself.

“I don’t know, Anne…”

“Yeahh, okay! - unbreak my hearrtttt!” She imitated how I sang earlier, though hers is a bit exaggerated. We both laughed at that.

“Oh, come on! I flew all the way here to check on you. Please?”

I hesitated.

“Fine,” I finally muttered.

She beamed.

I took a quick shower and threw on a casual outfit—high-waisted ripped jeans, a black long-sleeved crop top, and my white Converse. I stared at myself in the mirror a bit longer than necessary, wondering if I looked okay. Not for anyone specific, of course.

When I got to the living room, Anne was chatting with our parents.

“Where are you girls off to?” Dad asked.

“Thinking game night—maybe bowling or a movie,” Anne replied breezily.

“Sounds fun. You girls enjoy.”

Mom didn’t say anything. She was watching me. Her eyes didn’t move from my face, and for a second, I felt exposed, like she could see every emotion I’d been hiding.

“Okay! Bye!” I blurted and quickly ushered Anne toward the door.

We had just stepped into the hallway when the next door opened at the same time.

Emma.

My breath caught in my throat.

She was right there, hand still on the doorknob, eyes locking with mine.

Everything froze.

She looked different. Paler. Thinner. Her cheekbones were more defined, and not in a good way. She looked tired.

But she was still beautiful.

We stared at each other like two people stuck in time, unwilling to move. My heart was racing, thudding loudly in my ears.

“Ahem!” Anne coughed pointedly.

Emma blinked and glanced at her.

Her gaze dropped to where my hand rested on Anne’s arm.

Her face shifted—just slightly—but enough for me to notice.

Anne, catching on, casually reached down and intertwined our fingers.

“Let’s go, babe,” she said loudly, tugging me forward.

My feet moved before my brain caught up.

I didn’t even get the chance to say a word to Emma. I didn’t look back, didn’t try to catch another glimpse. Maybe because I knew if I did, I wouldn’t be able to walk away.

Anne led me all the way to the car. I don’t even remember getting in. I just… floated through it all.

Once we were both buckled in, Anne turned the engine on and glanced at me.

“Well,” she said, “that was something.”

I finally let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding.

My chest hurt. My eyes burned again.

I said nothing. Just stared straight ahead, trying to process what had just happened.

Emma was right there. And I couldn’t even say her name.
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