178. At rock bottom

Alana

When I opened the door that early evening, I was surprised to realize that it was Sedrik standing there at my door.

“Hi,” he said. “Can I come in?”

I sighed for a moment, not knowing how to respond. “Look, if you come here to fight with or say something bad about my daughter, then I ask you to leave quickly because you know you won't get anywhere with that,” I was already telling him.

But he was shaking his head, denying it. "No, no. I just…” he stammered and then looked at me. “I'm just here to see you…” His gaze was deep, and I could see how vulnerable he was at that moment. I felt that there in front of me was not the alpha Sedrik, the leader of an entire pack, but rather Sedrik, the man who married me.

I gasped, feeling touched, so I made room for him to enter. “You can come in,” I said, and he sighed in relief.

“Thank you,” he said as he entered my quarters. I closed the door behind him and looked at him. He was looking for something in the room. “Where is she…?” He asked somewhat hesitantly.

“She's taking a nap,” I replied. “Babies need plenty of sleep to grow.” Recently, whenever I met with him, I should have been prepared for anything, to defend my ideals and defend my daughter, but today he didn't seem hostile or as if he had come here to make more demands and accuse me of having ruined everything. On that day, at Lily and Toby's wedding, I told everyone that I gave birth to a girl and not a boy.

It had all been a mess, maybe I hadn't thought correctly when I let myself get carried away by the anger I was feeling at that moment and handed in the game, but it was already tiring, not just for me but for my baby, having to stay hidden as if she had a contagious disease. That wasn't fair to me or anyone else. We had a problem, so we could solve it without having to affect the child.

Sedrik was now sitting on a couch nearby, his shoulders were slumped forward, and his face was turned down. He looked tired and exhausted, I even understood him, since everything was so exhausting. I wanted to have him back so much that I couldn't deny it. I wanted to run to him and hug him tight. Not only that, but I wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay and that he had to stop worrying so much.

But our fights, our different sides, the living being that was between us—all of this prevented me from continuing to be like that woman from before who only loved one man and did everything for him.

“Do you still have that in your head?” His question was more like a comment. He was looking at the trunks that contained my belongings and my baby's belongings that I had already packed.

“We've talked about these thousands of times…” I said to him, and he nodded, swallowing hard.

“I know, I just… I don't want to talk about it, Alana,” he said as he looked at me. “I'm missing you, and I'm broken inside. I don't know if I'll be able to handle all this…” I was practically seeing him at his most vulnerable moment. Sedrik was a haughty and arrogant blockhead, so he rarely opened his heart, and if he was saying those words now, it was really because he was at rock bottom.

I wasn't made of iron either, he was the man I loved and would always love. My heart was breaking to see him like that. So I ran to him and threw myself into his arms, hugging him with everything I wanted so much. “Oh, Sedrik…” I stammered, feeling so emotional.

He was returning my hug, hugging me very tightly too, and crying. “I'm sorry for all this, Alana... Making your life this hell was never my intention,” he said in the middle of crying.

“It's okay, Sedrik. I understand…” I was crying too. Likewise, I knew he shouldn't be making certain decisions and shouldn't be saying certain things, but it was definitely not all his fault, he was the alpha of his people and was always under pressure.

“Please, do not leave… How am I going to live without you?” He grunted as his face was buried in the crook of my neck.

I cried a little more with those words of his. “I'm sorry... but I can't raise my daughter in a place that is hostile to her,” I replied. As a mother, I had a duty to protect my daughter.

“Oh, Alana, my love… this way you will end up killing me…” he said amidst emotions.

I moved my face away from his shoulders to look him straight in the face. My hands were on either side of his face as I stroked his cheekbones with my thumbs.

Then I brought my lips to his and kissed him deeply, and he gasped into my mouth, grabbing my waist and pulling me closer to him as he kissed me back more deeply. It was as if neither he nor I wanted to be apart from each other.