Chapter 79 Longer

Chapter 79 Longer


Sydneys Pov

Todays session ended early at 3pm.

"You okay?" Zane asked as he packed his things and stood up.

"I am fine " I said.

"You are not packing " Zane said.

"I am thinking " I replied.

Zane asked, "About what?"

"I am thinking about whether I forgot something " I said.

Zane asked, "Did you?"

I said, "No."

Zane said, " let us go."

Zane walked to the door. He held it open. He waited.

I stood up slower than I needed to. I slung my bag over my shoulder. I walked past Zane into the hallway.

The library was emptier than usual. It was Friday night. Everyone was either at parties or pretending they had things to do.

I had nowhere to be. Zane had nowhere to be. That is why we walked.

Zane walked beside me. He was close. He was not touching me.. He was close enough that I could feel the warmth coming off Zane.

The air outside was cold. November was here now. There was no pretending. There was wind and gray skies and the kind of chill that settled in your bones and stayed there.

I pulled my coat tighter. Zane noticed.

Zane said, "You should wear a jacket tomorrow."

I said, "This is thick."

Zane said, "It is not."

I asked, "How do you know?"

Zane said, "Because I can see you shivering."

I was shivering a little.. I was not going to admit that.

I used to think the fountain was pretty. Now I just thought it was cold. Like everything

Zane said, "I have been thinking."

I asked, "About what?"

Zane said, "About what you said. About carrying everything because no one else would."

I stiffened. I said, "I did not say that."

Zane said, "Yes you did."

I said, "I meant something."

Zane said, "No you did not."

I stopped walking. Zane stopped too. We stood in the middle of the quad. It was empty. We were alone. The wind was pushing between us like it was trying to separate us.

I asked Zane "Why do you do that?"

Zane asked, "Do what?"

I said, "Call me out. Every time I try to deflect you just do not let me."

Zane said, "Because someone should."

I said, "That is not an answer."

Zane said, "It is the one I have."

We started walking. The path to my building was familiar now. The broken sidewalk. The tree with the branch. The streetlight that flickered when it was not broken.

I knew every crack in the concrete. I knew every shadow. I knew every place where the darkness pooled like water.

Zane said, "You are quiet."

I said, "I am always quiet."

Zane said, "No. You are always thinking. There is a difference."

I said, "You have said that before."

Zane said, "Because it keeps being true."

I wanted to argue. I wanted to tell Zane that he did not know me. I wanted to push Zane the way I pushed everyone away.

I did not. Because Zane was right. I was always thinking. I was always calculating. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

We reached my building. The brick. The ivy. The door that stuck in the frame because maintenance never fixed anything.

I stopped. Zane stopped. Neither of us moved.

Zane asked, " time Monday?"

I said, "Same time Monday."

Zane nodded. He shoved his hands in his pockets.. He did not leave. I did not go inside. We just stood there.

The wind blew. The streetlight flickered.. Neither of us said why.

I said, "I should go in."

Zane said, "You should."

I said, "It is cold."

Zane said, "It is."

I asked, "Are you going to stand all night?"

Zane asked, "Are you?"

I looked at Zane. Zane looked at me. The space between us felt smaller than it should have. Like something was pulling us together even though neither of us was moving.

I said, "Zane."

Zane said, "Sydney."

I swallowed. I said, "What are we doing?"

Zane asked, "What do you mean?"

I said, "This." I gestured between Zane and me. "The walking. The talking. The standing outside my building like we are waiting for something."

Zane asked, "What are we waiting for?"

I said, "I do not know."

Zane said, ". Do I."

Another minute passed. The longest minute of my life.

Zane said, "Goodnight, Sydney."

I said, "Goodnight, Zane."

Zane turned. He walked away. I watched Zane go. The same way I watched Zane every time. The same broad shoulders. The same steady footsteps. The same way Zane did not look back even though I wanted him to.

I stood there for a minute after Zane disappeared. The wind was cold. My hands were cold. Everything was cold.. Something in my chest was warm. I did not know what to do with that.

Inside my apartment was dark. I did not turn on the lights. I just stood in the doorway. Listening. The building was quiet. My heart was not.

I locked the door. Deadbolt. Chain. The little slide lock I never used. Then I walked to the window. The streetlight was flickering. The quad was empty. Zane was gone.. I could still feel Zane. Like Zane was still standing there. Like the minute we spent outside had stretched into something else. Something I could not name. Something I was not ready to name.

My phone buzzed. Zane: "You made it inside?" I said, "Obviously." Zane: " checking." I said, "You could have waited." Zane: "Did you want me to?" I stared at the screen. Did I want Zane to? Yes. No. Maybe. I did not know.

I said, "Goodnight, Zane." Zane said, "Goodnight, Sydney." I put the phone down. I looked at the ceiling. The extra minute. That is what I would remember. Not the session. Not the walk. Not the words Zane. I said or did not say. The extra minute. When we both knew we should have said goodbye. When we both knew we were not ready. When neither of us said why.

I did not sleep well. Not because I was worried about Jade. Not because I was thinking about Cole. Because I was thinking about Zane. About the way Zane looked at me in the flickering streetlight. About the way Zane did not push even though I knew Zane wanted to. About the way we stood there. Together. Silent. Waiting for something neither of us could name.

The walk got longer tonight. Not, in distance. In something. Something I was not ready to call by its name.

“Piece of shittt”…