TRAUMA

TRAUMA
CHAPTER 50
Trigger Warning; Abortion.

Damon was beside me in seconds, his palm on my cheeks, prompting my face towards him. "Hey,"

Thinking about my ordeal while pregnant have always been hard. And the fact that I always associated everything that happened with the cheating, made it worse. I hated him whenever I think about it. I hated him throughout that episode and after it. But here I was.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me.

I shrugged, breathing in deeply to stay focused. "I think I should."

He looked like he was fighting with his emotions as well. I can't really tell what he was thinking at the moment, until he spoke."Tell me about it." His tone was soft, his thumb brushing softly on my chin.

I took a deep breath before starting, "The first to third trimester was a nightmare. I was...angry, furious, heartbroken. Depressed. I was feeling everything at once, it was like a tornado waiting to burst from inside me." I swallowed a lump and continued. "When I left NY, I tried to...get rid of it."

God it sounded so horrible saying this right now, but that was exactly what happened. That was exactly how I felt at the time.

"When exactly did you realize you were pregnant? Same day you left?" Damon asked

"Yeah," I nodded. "I was so confused and disoriented and wanted to talk to you about it. I...never told you about this then though, but as much as I was scared, I had high hopes on us figuring it out together. That was the day I planned on telling you I was already arranged to someone waiting for me back here, and I was hoping it might be a huge reason to call it off or something."

"I knew about it." Damon said very calmly. "But I didn't know it was you. If I had known, Peach...if I had known all those while, I wouldn't have hesitated in making you mine. I wouldn't have hesitated in marrying you."

The way he said it. I just knew he meant every word. And I wished I had told him sooner.

"Why didn't you say something before then?" He asked like he could read my mind.

"I was... scared? I think somewhere at the back of mind, I always knew the marriage was inevitable and I didn't want to disrupt what we had. I didn't want to... lose you. I just wanted to live in the moment."

He nodded.

"So I....I got back here and I tried to get rid of it. Twice. With some....pills. it didn't work. The third time, I went to the hospital to do it the normal way. But the doctors said my uterus was weak, that the baby was barely holding on. That there was no guarantee either of us would survive the pregnancy if I should go ahead with it.

Everyday I wake up with my new reality. Everyday I'm reminded of you... everything reminded me of you. I began to hate myself and even....the baby." This time I couldn't stop the tears, hot on my cheeks as they flowed down.

But Damon carefully wiped them off with his palms.

"I couldn't go to my Moms so I went to my Grams. But yet, I still cry myself to sleep every night. I couldn't get you and Layla out of my head. Little did I know it was affecting my baby too.

The pregnancy symptoms were worse, and even though Grams was a huge help, it wasn't easy for me. I found myself in the hospital one day...the third trimester. They had to cut Zoey out of me weeks before my due date. My uterus was tearing apart, and the bleeding wouldn’t stop. The only way they could save me was to take it out completely. A hysterectomy. I lost the chance to ever have another child that day.”
Damon crushed me to his chest, holding me together while I fell apart.

That was a very traumatic episode for me. It nearly destroyed me. All I could do was cling to the hope that Zoey would live. I didn’t care if I made it out—I just wanted her safe.

And when I watch her most times, guilt fills me. What if she didn't make it because of my carelessness?

I felt my knees weaken, but then, without loosening his grip, Damo guided us both down to the bathroom floor. My back brushed against the cold wall beside the door as he sank down with me, his weight solid and grounding. I ended up in his lap, curled sideways with my face buried in his chest. The thin tank top and panties I wore left me feeling painfully exposed, but in his arms, it didn’t matter. His warmth was the only shield I needed.

He caged me in, arms like steel bands around my trembling body, his chin resting on the crown of my head. I clung to him desperately, breathing in his scent to stay focused.

I couldn't tell how much time passed with just us sitting on my bathroom floor. But I knew I felt so much better. I adjusted in his arms so I could look at him. His eyes were on me. Soft and assuring. Like he was saying so many things at once.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through all that." He whispered.

"We got a beautiful baby out of it. She look so much like you and nothing like me."

I didn't miss the way his eyes lit up instantly, and how the corner of his lips tugged slightly. But I definitely didn't miss the pain behind them.

"Yeah?"

I nodded, smiling softly. "Completely. I don't think anyone who knows you and sees her won't be able to tell who her daddy is."

Damon inhaled sharply at the mention of the word. "I wish I was there with you." He muttered. "With you both."

"I'm sorry."

"You really didn't...cheat on me?" I found myself asking.

He held my cheek, staring deeply into my eyes. "I didn't, Peach," he whispered into my mouth. "Why would I? You're the last person on this earth I'd ever think of hurting that way."

I think I've always known he was being sincere. "Okay. Its just...i didn't want to believe it at first, cause I felt I couldn't be wrong. I mean, I saw her undies and I thought I heard you both having sex in your room."

He frowned, his jaw clenching.

" I'm serious. I really did. They were having sex in your room and I thought you were the one with her.

"She did that on purpose," he said, as his thumb brushed my chin. "But I won't deny it didn't break me. You can't imagine how I felt...it was so empty without you, Peach. It wasn't the same without you. And then the spontaneous decision I made to come back to this shitty town, for my brother's engagement, you can imagine how I felt seeing you again..."

I nodded, turning my gaze away as I focused on the wall tiles. The weight of my actions making me choke.

I can't believe I did this. How could I have been so clueless and stupid? Maybe if I had opened that door, if I hadn't concluded since it was his room and I could clearly recognize Layla's moans, I still should've confirmed with my eyes.

When he gently nudged my face towards him, I uttered, "I'm so sorry Damon."

My chest tightened, as I struggled to form words or even look at him.

"I told you, it's okay. Look at me."

He urged my chin towards him again and I could see the raw emotions in his eyes. No doubt this had hurt him really badly. Fuck, all these years...

"Oh God, I can't...I can't even imagine. I really thought...."

"Its okay Peach," he shushed me. "Its fine."

"But it's not ..."

"Trust me. It is. If anything, I'm really sorry you had to go through that alone. I'm just grateful you survived."

Then he pulled me to him, bringing me closer so I was sat on his lap, his arms wrapped around me as he hugged me so tight.

I breathed him in. All of him, then let out a deep breath.

"So what now?"

"I need to see her."

I nodded. "You will. I promise. but I think there's a much bigger issue on ground."

"Which is?
"

"The wedding." I responded, "Which is supposed to be in four days. Marcus must be going crazy right now..."