CHAPTER 065

CHAPTER 065
«Jarvis Point of View»

The next day, I was finally able to pull myself together, though it didn’t feel like I had truly recovered from anything. It felt more like I had forced myself into a state of numbness so that I could survive this moment. I found myself sitting beside Levi on a couch, my body leaning down, head lowered, and hands joined tightly in front of me, while our parents were sitting opposite us, just staring.

My fingers were locked together so hard my knuckles had gone pale, but I didn’t dare move. If I did, I was afraid the little control I had left would shatter.

Yeah, Mom was discharged last night and had invited us over to have the talk I was trying so hard to avoid, wishing and praying for it never to happen, but here we were. My prayers and wishes had clearly fallen on deaf ears.

It made me wonder if anyone was actually up there listening to my rant at all, because if they were, they had a cruel sense of humor.

The quietness was nearly deafening. I could practically count the minutes that had passed, each second stretching longer than the last. It was fidgeting and nerve-wracking as I continuously rubbed my palms together, the skin already warm from the friction, while the sound of the clock ticking against the wall was even more annoying. I never knew it was that loud, or maybe I had just never noticed before. Now every tick felt like it was mocking me.

Suddenly, Dad cleared his throat, and my skin nearly left me as I jerked, startled. From the corner of my eye, I noticed Levi flinch as well. Glad I wasn’t the only one barely holding it together.

Slowly, I lifted my head and stared up at them, but saw nothing but disappointment in their eyes. The kind that sits heavy in your chest and makes it hard to breathe. I wanted this to end already. It felt suffocating and never-ending, like being trapped in a room with the walls slowly closing in.

“How long has this been going on?” Mom started awkwardly, gesturing her hand between Levi and me. Her voice sounded careful, like she was afraid the wrong word might break something fragile in the room.

My stomach twisted. I knew this question was only the beginning. 

“More than a year,” Levi answered with hesitation, and his voice came out quieter than usual, like the words were heavier than he expected. I could bet my life that he wished to just vanish as well. Hell, I wished I could disappear right beside him.

“You both have been sleeping with each other for more than a year?” Dad gasped loudly.

Suddenly, the stinging pain at the back of my head was nothing compared to the agony in my chest at the raw emotions in their eyes: shocked, sickened, and disappointed. It was a wonder we hadn’t been disowned yet.

I swallowed hard, my throat suddenly dry, forcing myself not to look away even though every instinct in me was screaming to drop my gaze again. Yeah… his was exactly the reaction I had been afraid of.

“You didn’t feel disgusted?” Mom wondered out loud, and both Levi and I shook our heads, no, almost at the same time, and the answer came instinctively, without hesitation. There was no point in lying now.

She shared a glance with Dad, the kind of look that carried a silent conversation between them, then she cleared her throat, shifting awkwardly in her seat like she suddenly didn’t know where to place her hands.

“Were there any feelings involved, or was it just lust?”

The question hung in the air for a second, heavy and uncomfortable. My chest tightened. “We love each other, Mom, and there’s nothing brotherly about it,” I blurted out before I could stop myself. It was also pointless beating around the bush now.

We were already standing in the fire; there was no point pretending we weren’t going to get burned.

Dad threw his hands in the air dramatically. “Fantastic!” he remarked, and the sarcasm in his voice was so thick it could have been cut with a knife.

“And when did you realize you had romantic feelings for the other?” Mom continued the questioning. Her tone was calmer than Dad’s, but that didn’t make it any easier to answer. If anything, it made the question feel even heavier.

“I was thirteen,” Levi answered, his voice coming out quiet but firm, as he had already made peace with that truth a long time ago.

I glanced at him for a moment before quickly looking away and answering, my throat suddenly feeling tight. The memory flashed in my mind whether I wanted it to or not. Yeah… there was no way I could ever forget when it started for me.

“I was fifteen.”

The words slipped out, and suddenly, shame married my being from the inside, wrapping around my chest like a tightening rope. I gulped, forcing myself to keep talking even though every instinct screamed at me to shut up. “We both found out we felt the same way a year ago, and...we just went with the flow, I guess."

The explanation sounded weak even to my own ears. Fuck, this was the worst day of my life.

When was this going to end? The torture was too much. Sitting here under their judgment felt like being slowly peeled apart, layer by layer.

Mom slowly reeled her gaze to Levi. “Was that the reason why you are leaving for Italy?”

I heard Levi sigh before nodding. “The guilt was eating me up. I couldn’t take it knowing you would find out one day. It got too deep, and I guess we got too attached to let go… and I had hurt Jarvis with my words.” His voice carried regret.

My jaw tightened slightly. Yeah… he definitely hurt me. But hearing him admit it out loud still twisted something inside my chest.

“How about Caroline?” Mom continued.

The name made my stomach sink immediately.

“It was the reason I broke up with her. I was using her to get rid of my feelings for my brother. I know I was adopted, but we were raised as brothers. It just wasn’t working with Caroline… and I lashed out,” Levi answered once more.

Mom sighed heavily. “It must have been frustrating having feelings for your brother.” Her eyes flickered between Levi and me, searching for some trace of understanding, and we nodded, the movement stiff and almost automatic.

She had no idea how much it had hurt, the nights spent hiding, pretending, hating myself for feelings I couldn’t control. If only she knew… she’d understand why it felt like torture.

“But I guess it couldn’t be avoided, and it was meant to be.”

Her words hit like a slap, and our eyes widened in disbelief. Meant to be? That sounded almost… ridiculous given the chaos this had caused.

“Now, don’t get me wrong. What you boys have done is something so unusual, unexpected, disappointing… nearly disgusting even, because you were raised as brothers even though you aren’t. We have never once made Levi feel like we were adopted. I still can’t help but wonder what we did wrong."

Shame burns into my being. I glance at Levi, and he looks like he’s about to burst into tears as his eyes well up.

“I’m sorry. I never wanted this to happen. I’m sorry,” Levi clasps a hand over his mouth.

Mom rose from her seat and went to sit beside Levi, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. “You are one of the best things that has happened to us, Levi. We are more than proud to have you as our son.”

A small smile crept its way onto my face, though I kept staring at my joined hands, trying to pretend I wasn’t glowing with some conflicted mix of relief and envy.

When I lifted my head, I caught Dad giving me a knowing look. My face immediately flushed, and I quickly averted my gaze. His loud, booming laughter only made me turn redder than a tomato. Why did he always have to see right through me?

Just when I thought I would die from embarrassment, the sharp ring of the house phone pulled me out of my daze. I jerked upright, heart pounding, and rushed over to answer it, almost tripping in my haste.

“Hello?” I said, voice tight, and the words from the other that came from the other side nearly stopped.

Fuck. Tristan. What did you get yourself into?!