41- Green eyes
"I understand everything you're saying, and it makes a lot of sense. Someone who resembles her. Well, Mel doesn't physically resemble her, at least not entirely, but there are traits of her personality that constantly remind me of her. Isn't that worse? You can't assume that the charge of my object can be transferred to another object just because it's a narcissistic fixation. It has nothing to do with her physical appearance."
"But within the narcissistic identification, you don't have to maintain the charge of the object solely based on its physical appearance. It can be limited effects that she made you feel, like those typical butterflies in your stomach or certain actions or qualities that you admired in her. Her way of functioning, her thoughts. Think, Anastasia, what made you recognize Paola as your equal? How did she become your soulmate?" As I heard Dr. Pulido say "soulmate," I felt a kick in my stomach and my eyes burned. I blinked, hiding my desire to cry as much as possible.
"Maybe there was an energy emanating from both our bodies, and establishing it again with Melissa could be an initial solution."
"Oh, Doctor! There are other things that matter besides attraction."
It has been proven, Anastasia, that people tend to look for partners with similar physical traits in their next relationship after a divorce. Why? Because detachment is difficult, but it helps. A glimmer of joy rejuvenated her face. Knowledge seemed to inject life into her.
"With all due respect, that is completely absurd. I don't think that the way to forget Paola is by transferring my libido to someone else," I said. She looked at me sweetly. "That would be impossible to replace," I thought.
It is absurd, of course it is, if it didn't work with one person, what makes you think it will work with someone who has similar physical traits? But cognitive memory, that is, the immune system of thought, works like that. It recognizes what is good by associating it with what is safe.
"When you displace the libido, love transforms. That is why they say love is never the same twice. However, it is the only way, even if it's very strong. That intensity can be absorbed by someone else, Anastasia. You can project your feelings onto someone else instead of keeping them within you. And of course, through other areas of your life, work, friendships, and engaging in sports and activities are areas where the libido can be displaced to a lesser extent. When you are sick with melancholy, you lose your ability to love, reproaching yourself for the loss of the loved object, and believing yourself to be guilty for its loss. Anastasia, I have seen many girls like you, with broken hearts because they can't forget their partner after years of being in a relationship. They focus all their beauty, creative power, and energy on the relationship with the object until they develop conflicting feelings of love and hate, often originating from real experiences that don't allow you to detach from that 'love for the object' due to your own melancholy.""I understand everything you're saying, and it makes a lot of sense. Someone who resembles her. Well, Mel doesn't physically resemble her, at least not entirely, but there are traits of her personality that constantly remind me of her. Isn't that worse? You can't assume that the charge of my object can be transferred to another object just because it's a narcissistic fixation. It has nothing to do with her physical appearance."
"But within the narcissistic identification, you don't have to maintain the charge of the object solely based on its physical appearance. It can be limited effects that she made you feel, like those typical butterflies in your stomach or certain actions or qualities that you admired in her. Her way of functioning, her thoughts. Think, Anastasia, what made you recognize Paola as your equal? How did she become your soulmate?" As I heard Dr. Pulido say "soulmate," I felt a kick in my stomach and my eyes burned. I blinked, hiding my desire to cry as much as possible.
"Maybe there was an energy emanating from both our bodies, and establishing it again with Melissa could be an initial solution."
"Oh, Doctor! There are other things that matter besides attraction."
It has been proven, Anastasia, that people tend to look for partners with similar physical traits in their next relationship after a divorce. Why? Because detachment is difficult, but it helps. A glimmer of joy rejuvenated her face. Knowledge seemed to inject life into her.
"With all due respect, that is completely absurd. I don't think that the way to forget Paola is by transferring my libido to someone else," I said. She looked at me sweetly. "That would be impossible to replace," I thought.
It is absurd, of course it is, if it didn't work with one person, what makes you think it will work with someone who has similar physical traits? But cognitive memory, that is, the immune system of thought, works like that. It recognizes what is good by associating it with what is safe.
"When you displace the libido, love transforms. That is why they say love is never the same twice. However, it is the only way, even if it's very strong. That intensity can be absorbed by someone else, Anastasia. You can project your feelings onto someone else instead of keeping them within you. And of course, through other areas of your life, work, friendships, and engaging in sports and activities are areas where the libido can be displaced to a lesser extent. When you are sick with melancholy, you lose your ability to love, reproaching yourself for the loss of the loved object, and believing yourself to be guilty for its loss. Anastasia, I have seen many girls like you, with broken hearts because they can't forget their partner after years of being in a relationship. They focus all their beauty, creative power, and energy on the relationship with the object until they develop conflicting feelings of love and hate, often originating from real experiences that don't allow you to detach from that 'love for the object' due to your own melancholy."