Later, Regan comes up to the bathroom and sits on the other side of the door. She doesn't speak, but I feel her presence and it's comforting in the same way that she always is.
After several more minutes pass, when I feel I've finally got a handle on my tears, I get up, wipe my tears away, and open the door.
"Hey," she murmurs as she rises from the floor.
I dart a glance at her. Today, everyone's in gray sweats, and Regan is no exception.
With light auburn hair that always seems to lighten to honey-brown in summer, tied back from her face, and her hazel-green eyes warm and open, it comes as no surprise that Jackson took one look at her and knew he wanted her as a mate. She's beautiful. She's also the only one who can change my mind about breaking things off with Marshall.
"Hey," I whisper back as I fix my eyes on her turquoise blue painted toenails.
"You want to check out your room for tonight?"
Again, without lifting my gaze, I nod, thankful she's not asking a pointless question like how I am, or if I want to talk. I'm not okay, and I don't want to talk to anyone.
When she turns and heads down the hallway, I follow.
Ordinarily, I wouldn't be so hesitant to meet her gaze since it's Regan. Out of anyone in the pack, she's the one whose eyes I can meet for the longest. It's never uncomfortable, whether she's human or wolf. I guess that's because she's an omega.
I've lost count of how many times Marshall said that all my emotions are in my eyes, which is true. Everyone always knows when I'm about to cry just before I do, and they know when I'm happiest, or when I'm trying to hide something. Everyone. No matter how much I try to stuff my emotions deep down where they won't see, they always know.
I trail her down the hallway, and past a closed door that smells of both Jackson and Regan. Since that was the room Regan was staying at before when we came to Dawley, I'm surprised she and Jackson would still be using it as it's one of the smallest. I thought they would've moved into the master suite after the rest of us left to return to Hardin.
As if Regan knows what I'm thinking, she glances back at me. "Jackson and I are moving down a couple of floors to be closer to Riley, so when you come back, this floor will be yours."
She opens a door and leads the way into a spacious bedroom decorated in cool greens and grays that manages to be both inviting and soothing.
"But I…" My voice trails off.
Regan glances back at me once, her gaze settling on my right shoulder as if she knows I don't want to meet her eyes. She probably does, Regan has always seemed to know what we all need.
"You said you needed a sanctuary. You never need to demand anything from any of us. Whatever you need, we're always going to be happy to give it to you. There isn't anyone in this pack who doesn't want to see you happy."
That's the problem.
I wander over to the window and gaze out at the forest spread out as far as the eye can see. The porch isn't visible since it's covered, but even if it was, I wouldn't need to see it to know that Marshall and Dayne are no longer there.
They must've gone for a run, even if it isn't the best idea to do it in a public forest in the middle of the day. Or maybe Dayne took Marshall in his car to the private Dawley-Stone forest instead. As alpha, he would know, just as all of us do, that nothing will calm a shifter like running as a wolf will.
"Jenna?"
I tilt my head a little, just enough for Regan to know I'm listening.
"I don't know what's happened between you and Marshall, but whatever it is, I want you to know that I'm here for you. Always."
I nod.
"I'd better get back to supervising. It's probably the only chance I'll ever have of bossing Talis around and her taking it. You want me to come back later?"
I go back to staring out of the window. "I want to be alone."
There's a half-second pause that tells me Regan knows I'm lying. The truth is, I don't want to be alone. I want to be with Marshall, but I can't.
Regan doesn't call me out on my lie. "Okay, just shout if you need something."
Even though I won't, I nod, and she leaves, quietly closing the door behind her. Leaving me alone with my thoughts, the tears that hover just under the surface, and my doubts that I'm not doing the right thing in walking away, that I'm making a mistake.
After toeing off my sneakers and slipping out of my cream angora sweater, leaving me in my jeans, a tank top, and socks, I close the curtains and crawl into bed.
I don't care that it's still the middle of the day, and far too early for me to sleep. I don't care that I haven't got ready for bed, had dinner, or that my bag is still outside in Luka's car with expensive computer equipment that I can't afford to lose or have stolen.
I don't care about any of that.
As I pull the sheets over my head, all I care about is crying out my pain.