Book 4 Chapter 26

Early the next morning, I slip out of bed before Jackson wakes.

I get two steps from the bed before he's stirring. "Regan, where are you going?"

Hoping he doesn't notice the bags under my eyes because my sleep last night was terrible, I dart a glance at him but keep moving to the door.

"Just going to check if Riley picked up the food."

Apparently, one glance is all Jackson needs because he's frowning as he sits up. "Not so fast. What's wrong?"

Honestly, I would think it'd be obvious what was wrong.

"I'm just worried about Riley, I'll be right back." With that, I throw a shirt on over my panties and hurry from the room.

As I jog down the stairs, I listen hard in case he follows.

He doesn't, at least not straight away. I hear him moving in bed, and then I hear his phone vibrating which makes him pause. But by then, I've hit the hallway and I'm shoving the back door open.

Just before I do, I realize that this is the first morning he hasn't kissed me on my neck.

I wonder if he noticed.

As soon as I step outside and spot the untouched grocery bag, my heart sinks because that means Riley didn't come. I stare at the bag for a long time before crossing over to the porch stairs. There, I gaze out into the forest.

It's early enough that the morning sun has yet to penetrate the darker interior of the forest, but it's bright enough that I can't make out any shadows that could be a small wolf. Behind me, the back door opens and then closes.

"Regan?"

I fold my arms across my chest but don't turn to face Jackson. "He didn't come."

"Regan…"

I shake my head. "I was making progress. I know I was. He was in the house, and he wanted to shower and he ate with me and he told me his name."

I don't know at what point my eyes fill with tears at the thought that I might not see him again, that Lara might have scared him off for good. Before I've finished speaking, Jackson is gripping my elbow and turning to press my face against his bare chest.

All night I tossed and turned, and probably managed less than four hours of sleep.

After all the awkwardness with Lara, I'm too tired and too heartsick to remind Jackson that with a mate, he shouldn't be holding me like this. So, I let myself forget about Lara for a moment and curve my arms around him.

"He'll be back," he says against my hair, stroking an arm up and down my back.

"What if he doesn't?"

"He will. Just give him time."

Jackson sounds so sure of himself that I can't understand how he can be so confident. I wish I could, but I can't. Riley might not come back, and even if I went looking for him, I might not find him in time before I have to leave.

I push on his chest. Reluctantly, Jackson drops his arms, and I back up, relieved at the sight he stopped to pull some briefs on to cover his nakedness. Dealing with a naked Jackson right now would be too much for me to handle.

"I should start breakfast," I say, turning away from him.

"You're running away."

I pause. "I'm going to make breakfast."

"No, you're trying to hide how upset you are."

"I'm not upset."

"You're not laughing, you're quiet, and when you smile, your eyes are sad. You are upset."

I stop with my hand on the door, but I don't pull it open.

He's right, of course. I am upset. And not just about Riley, though that's a big part of it. The bigger part, I think, is my certainty that without me knowing when or how it happened, I've fallen hard for Jackson. It's the only thing that explains why Lara's presence is having such an effect on me.

If I didn't have some pretty strong feelings for Jackson, I could just shrug off her return and admit the sex was good, and that it's time to go our own way. Just as I did with Jared.

Only, with Jackson, it's not so easy to walk away and pretend it doesn't hurt. "I think you should go back with Lara."

As soon as the words leave my mouth, the silence behind me becomes charged, and I turn because I have to see Jackson's face. I have to know his reaction.

His expression is completely neutral. "You do, do you?"

I nod. "Savannah said you've always wanted your own pack, and this is an opportunity for you to have one."

"And will you be coming with me?" he asks, again giving nothing away about whether or not this is something he wants.

"No. But you knew that from the start."

He folds his arms across his chest. "Did I?"

"I told you I was going back to Hardin. You knew that. Nothing has changed."

In the brief silence that follows my words, I desperately wish we'd had this conversation the night before when I wasn't battling with my tears because of Riley. But Jackson didn't come up to bed. At least, not when I was still awake.

It was later that I woke to find him lying asleep beside me, his arm curved around my waist. For several seconds, I studied how peaceful he looked in his sleep, and then, between one moment and the next, I slept.

I woke again, maybe an hour later with this horrible feeling something was wrong, only I didn't know whether it was because of a nightmare, or it was something else. And no matter how many times I wriggled out of Jackson's grip, struggling to understand why he'd come to my bed instead of Lara's, when I woke, his arm was right back around me.

Jackson nods as if something has just become clear in his mind. "And I'm guessing that's the reason for the clothes for Riley, then? You intend to take him with you."

"If he wants to come."

"You know I can't let that happen."

"Take Riley?" I ask, confused, since he's not shown any interest in making Riley one of his pack.

"No. You leaving."

I tilt my head and meet his stare head-on. This, I was expecting. "Because you're an alpha and alphas always get what they want?"

Jackson takes a step toward me. "No, because I-"

"Oh, there you are, Jack," Lara interrupts.

I grit my teeth as I turn to find her in a pink lace nightdress, blinking innocently through the screen door, as if her interruption was nothing more than bad timing.

As a shifter, she'd have heard mine and Jackson's conversation from her bed upstairs. I could call her out on her faked surprise, but it doesn't matter. I'm leaving, so it shouldn't matter.

At least, that's what I tell myself as I wrench open the door and hold it open. "He's all yours," I say. And then I walk back inside and head up the stairs, doing everything humanly possible to block out the sound of Lara's voice behind me.

But what I'm not expecting, after I've rushed up the stairs and moved to close the bedroom door shut, is for Jackson to be there, with one hand holding it open.

"Jackson, what…?" My gaze goes behind him because I heard Lara talking-to him-and for him to be here so soon after me means he straight-up walked away from her in the middle of whatever she was telling him.

He doesn't speak, but as he steps into the room, I let go of the door and back up. We keep going until my legs hit the edge of the bed, and I tip.

Without taking his eyes from me, Jackson grips my arm and stops my fall.

Once I'm steady, he shifts his hold from my arm to around my waist. "Now. Where were we?"

For several seconds I just stare at him, not knowing what I'm supposed to say, or do, or what this conversation is, that we're supposed to be having.

In the end, I shake my head as words fail me.

"Is this a thoughtful silence, or is it something else?" His eyes are serious, even if it sounds like he's joking.

I don't smile. "Something else."

Why does this feel like a goodbye? Why does it feel like we're breaking up without ever having started? And why does it feel like a wolf has his claws buried in my heart?

"And this 'something else'. Might it be the reason you're suggesting I go with Lara?"

He gazes down at me with such a patient expression on his face, it's like he's prepared to wait forever.

I nod.

"And does this something else have to do with feelings?"

I hesitate because I don't know that I'm ready to admit to anything. Especially with Lara in the house listening. "Jackson…"

He heaves a sigh. "You know, I really took the piss out of Jeremy for his inability to talk to Savannah, but I'm realizing it's not easy, is it?"

"But you were with Lara… before. So, I'm guessing you talked with her?" I have no idea why I'm doing this to myself, why I feel compelled to ask Jackson about his life with Lara when I know the only thing it's going to do-that the only thing it is doing-is hurt me.

"Not about anything that mattered," he says, peering deep into my eyes.

Is he saying that I matter?

When I don't respond, he leans closer. "You look surprised, and also very tense."

I'm freaking terrified that he's about to tell me he loves me is what I am. Because what the hell am I supposed to say to that?

"Now, terrified. What's going through that pretty head of yours?"

I try to look casual. "Nothing interesting."

His eyebrow goes up. "I have my doubts about that."

"Do all alphas like to pretend they're mind readers?" I ask, starting to get annoyed.

A brief flicker of amusement as well as relief stirs in his eyes. "Not pretend." He kisses me on the forehead and starts for the bathroom. "I need to go to the site. There's been more trouble."

I stare after him. "What?"

"I had a text this morning. Apparently, it's bad enough that they can't do any work until they replace the broken machinery." He pauses before stepping into the bathroom. "I think someone was hurt."

I continue to stare after him. "Well, what the hell are you still doing here?"

"You were upset." With that, he steps into the bathroom to brush his teeth and get ready. I sink to the edge of the bed and stare into space, trying to figure out what's going on.

In less time than I'm expecting, Jackson reappears with his hair still damp, and a too-small towel slung around his waist, revealing an obscene amount of rippling tanned muscle.

"While I appreciate the attention. Keep looking at me like that, and I won't be going anywhere."

Jackson's dry tone has me wrenching my gaze from the bulge growing under his towel.

I clear my throat and turn to stare at the wall. "Should I start breakfast?"

Not bothering to wait for a response, I rise from the bed and make my way to the door. I don't make it even halfway before Jackson is tugging me back with a firm grip on my wrist.

"What?" I ask when he does nothing but observes me without saying a word.

"Don't bother with breakfast. Go back to bed. You look exhausted," he says, bending to kiss me lightly on the neck. "And stay out of the forest for now. I don't want whoever is causing trouble on the site to stumble into you walking into trees and diving down hills as you look for Riley."

I immediately paste an innocent expression on my face because he doesn't have to pretend to be a mind reader. He is one.

Jackson kisses me on the lips before turning to the dresser. "And that expression won't work. Your eyes are open too wide."

"No, they aren't," I deny. But that doesn't stop me from wandering over to the mirror on the wall to check.

I widen my eyes a touch more, which gives me the perfect amount of innocent surprise I was going for. It's pretty convincing. Maybe not as convincing as Lara and her crocodile tears, but I'd buy it.

"Quit practicing looking innocent and get back into bed. I want you to rest before we talk later."

Jackson doesn't give me an opportunity to argue. He literally picks me up and places me in bed before crouching beside me.

I turn on my side to face him. "Talk?"

He nods. "Yes, about this foolish notion you have that you're leaving and that I'm going to let you."

"Staying isn't an option, Jackson. I have my pack-"

"Who can come to visit whenever they want, and you can do the same."

I sit up. "But my job-"

He nudges me back down again. "Is one that you do from home, so there's no reason you can't do it from here. Is there?"

Me and my big mouth.

As I stare into Jackson's eyes, I get the impression he's laughing at me. "Uh, no. I mean, I work from home, so it's cool."

His lips twitch. "So, there's nothing in Hardin you can't do without."

"But my cottage…"

Jackson rises but stops to kiss me hard on the lips before he gets to his feet. "I'm building you a house here. I'd say that trumps a cottage, wouldn't you?"

I nod weakly, because yeah, he kind of has a point. "I guess."

Only there's one big thing that makes it impossible for me to stay, and that's what I am. As Jackson's mate, I would be Luna-the female leader of the pack, which means responsibility, or it would if Jackson wasn't so dominant that I'd be stuck cooking and cleaning and doing nothing else. It also means shifters knowing what I am. Which means me using my gift regularly. A gift I have no idea how to use.

"Regan?"

I turn my head and find Jackson standing at the doorway, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, looking ready to leave. "Yeah?"

"Quit thinking so hard. There's nothing we can't work out together. Sleep."

I force a smile, but from his raised eyebrow, it's clear he's not convinced. I try harder because Jackson needs to get to the site since he's already delayed being there to reassure me, which he shouldn't have to.

It's enough to mollify Jackson, who nods. But just before stepping out, he studies me for several seconds in silence.

"What?" I ask, thinking he's seen right through my fake smile.

"Your eyes."

I raise my eyebrow. "My eyes?"

He nods firmly. "And your hair."

I wait for more words but Jackson doesn't give them to me. "Uh, I'm gonna need a little more to go on."

"I said I had a thing for redheads with green eyes, I was wrong. Or I wasn't looking closely enough."

"That's a little clearer, but I still don't-"

"Brunettes with hazel eyes. Those are my real weakness."

Without waiting for a response, he grins and steps out, closing the door behind him.

I stare at the door. "Right," I say. "Brunettes with hazel eyes," I murmur to myself.

I listen to him make his way down the stairs and out the front door. He doesn't stop to say goodbye to Lara, who I hear moving about in her room. He just leaves.

With him gone, I pull the sheets over me and try to do what he said, and sleep.