Chapter 12 Chapter 12: Trying to be Polite
Catherine’s P.O.V
The ride home was mostly silent. I stared out the window, watching the lights blur past, my mind spinning too much for words. Xavier glanced at me once or twice, but didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t want to, or because he didn’t know how. Honestly, I just wanted to get home and crawl into bed.
When we finally pulled into the driveway, I didn’t wait for him. I headed to the door and as soon as the guards held it open, I walked straight to the first floor, barely acknowledging Xavier’s presence behind me.
“I’m going to bed,” I muttered, not even turning to look at him.
“Okay,” he replied softly, his voice low, almost hesitant. I could hear him following me, the faint sound of his footsteps trailing mine.
Once inside the room, I went straight to the bathroom. I washed my face, wiped off the makeup, and changed into my comfiest pajamas, feeling the weight of the night pressing down on me. When I finally collapsed onto the bed, I let out a long sigh.
“Finally,” I whispered to no one, sinking into the mattress.
I was almost asleep when I felt the bed shift beside me. “Catherine?” Xavier’s voice was quiet, almost questioning. “I… just wanted to check on you,” he said, and before I could respond, he was closer, too close, his lips brushing my neck.
“Xavier…” I murmured, trying to keep my voice calm, “I just want to sleep.”
“I know,” he whispered back, his hand resting on my waist, warm and heavy. “But I can’t help it. I need to be close to you.” His lips moved lower, and I felt him kiss my shoulder lightly.
“Xavier, please…” I tried again, but my words were softer this time, weaker, because part of me didn’t want him to stop. After what happened today, it felt like we were drifting apart slowly because of one single issue.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said, his voice husky in my ear. “Even when you don’t want to talk, even when you’re upset… I just…” He trailed off, and I could feel him pressing his forehead against mine. “I just want to be with you.”
I sighed, letting some of the tension leave my shoulders. “I know… I just… I need a little space tonight,” I admitted, turning slightly so I could face him.
“Just a little?” he asked, his tone hopeful but gentle.
“Just for tonight,” I said, but my heart was already racing.
My mind immediately goes to the party, to Hunter’s lips on mine, sweet with a hint of smoke and his hand on my waist, and I take in a sharp breath, trying not to remember the mistake I made, but it’s impossible.
“Cathy?” Xavier’s voice breaks through my thoughts, warm and low, but there’s something in it that makes my chest tighten, the way he’s leaning closer, his hands brushing against me.
“Are you okay?”
“I… yeah,” I murmur, though my voice sounds small even to me. He smiles, a little too knowingly, and his hand slides along my side. My stomach twists, half from anticipation and half from dread.
“Xavier…” I start, but he doesn’t let me finish.
“Don’t you want this?” he asks, and it’s like a question that pulls me down into something I don’t want to fall into. His hand rests a little longer on my waist, and I feel the heat of him pressing against me. My throat tightens, and I press my arms to my body, trying to make a wall, but I can’t stop the tremor in my voice.
“I… I don’t think I…”
“Don’t think what?” he interrupts softly, leaning closer, and I can feel the intent in his gaze.
“I’ve been holding back all night, Cathy. Since the moment I saw you get ready for the party. I know you want this too.”
The party…
The utter humiliation of my husband and mother-in-law present a surrogate without my knowledge or permission…
And Xavier thinking I’d be happy about it.
“No,” I say quickly, more firmly than I expect. “I… I don’t.” My words hang between us, fragile and unsteady. “I… I’m tired, Xavier. Really tired.”
His hand hesitates, and I see the flicker of surprise in his eyes, the first crack in the confident mask he wears.
“Tired?” he repeats, like he’s trying to process it. “But I thought you’d be happy to—”
“After everything,” I cut him off, voice shaking despite myself. “After the stunt you and your mother pulled on Christmas Eve… I just… I can’t.”
I take a sharp breath, trying not to break down, trying not to curl up into a ball and cry like I want to. “I can’t, Xavier. Not tonight. Not like this.”
He stops moving for a moment, hands still hovering near me, and then he takes a careful step back.
“Okay,” he says finally, softer now. “I get it. I just…” His voice trails off, and he looks almost vulnerable, which is rare for him.
I watched as Xavier’s expression closely, his eyes flicking between mine like he was measuring my hesitation, and then he spoke, his voice low and coaxing.
“But Catherine… I know you’re upset, but I can help you… get into the mood. I want you. I want us to work through this.”
I felt a shiver run down my spine, not the good kind, and I immediately pulled back. Does he really think sex can fix what broke between us tonight?
“Xavier… no,” I said firmly, stepping away. “I… I can’t. Not now. I’ve been through so much today, emotionally. I am in no mood for this.”
His brow furrowed, and he took a tentative step toward me. “Cathy… Please, I’m not trying to push you. I just… I thought…maybe…”
“Maybe what?” I snapped, my voice trembling despite my attempt to stay calm. “Maybe you thought I’d just roll over and forget that my own husband went behind my back? Hired a surrogate? Got her pregnant?” I swallowed hard, feeling my throat tighten. “And never even told me until now?”
Xavier flinched, like my words had hit him physically, and he ran a hand through his hair.
“Catherine, I… I didn’t want to hurt you. I honestly thought you’d be happy. I thought you’d… I thought you’d see it as… us finally having the family we wanted.”
I shook my head, stepping back further, my hands shaking as I grasped the covers tighter. Why was he suddenly being so inconsiderate? Why couldn’t he understand what he did wrong? Had Lydia really gotten into his head this badly? If that was the case, then I was done being polite and tiptoeing around the topic.
“Happy? Xavier, how can I be happy when I’m finding out this way? In front of two hundred guest who now see me as a defect? When the person I trusted most in this world, my husband, kept something this huge from me? I… I need time. I need to process this. And I cannot… I will not… have sex with you until I come to terms with what just happened. With the fact that the child will be yours but never mine biologically, and you thought it was okay to decide all of this without me.”
He swallowed, his eyes searching mine, desperate, almost pleading. “Cathy… it’s gonna be biologically mine. The surrogate merely donated us an egg and her womb. That doesn’t mean it’s not ours. I can… we can figure this together. I just… I don’t want to lose you.”
I let out a bitter laugh, shaking my head. “Lose me? Xavier, I already feel lost. Lost in my own marriage, lost in the fact that I don’t even know who you are anymore. I… I need space. I need time. Please… just let me breathe.”
He nodded slowly, his hands falling to his sides, but the tension in the room didn't dissipate. If anything, it only increased as I saw Xavier let out a frustrated sigh.
And then he looked at me, his expression one of pure annoyance, and I felt my heart break all over again because I knew this was far from over.