Chapter 294 Don't bug me

Chapter 294 Don't bug me
Sage's POV

Ryder looked at me when I said it.

Not with argument. Not with the reflex to fix or negotiate or find a middle position. He just looked at me with the specific stillness of a man receiving information he did not want and understanding that his wanting or not wanting it was not the relevant consideration.

"Jaxon's," he said.

"Yes," I said.

"How long?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said. "I am not putting a number on it. That is the point. If I put a number on it then it becomes something I am counting down rather than something I am actually using."

He nodded once. Slow.

"Can I ask you something?" he said.

"Ask," I said.

"Is Jaxon expecting you?" he said.

"I called him this morning," I said. "Before the appointment. He said come whenever you're ready."

Ryder absorbed that. I watched him absorb it. Jaxon had told Ryder he was done being his brother until this was fixed, and now Jaxon's house was where I was going to think about whether it could be fixed. The particular weight of that was not lost on either of us.

"I understand," Ryder said.

"I need you to hear why," I said. "Not just accept it. Hear why."

"Tell me," he said.

"I cannot think clearly in that house," I said. "Everything in it is ours. The bookshelf and the kitchen and the bed and the windowsill where the candles were. Every room has something in it that belongs to what we were building and I cannot sit in the middle of all of that and think clearly about whether what we were building is still structurally sound." I looked at him. "I need to be somewhere that is not full of us while I figure out what I think about us."

"That makes sense," he said.

"I am not leaving," I said. "I want to be clear about that. I am not ending this. I am not giving back the ring. I am going to Jaxon's to think and to give myself the space to feel what I need to feel without all our possibilities staring me in the face."

"Okay," he said simply.

"And I need you to not come there," I said. "I need you to give me the space that I need. No showing up at the door. No finding reasons to be near Jaxon's. If you need to reach me you call or you text and you wait for me to respond."

"I will," he said.

"I mean it, Ryder," I said.

"I know you mean it," he said. "I will give you the space. Completely. Whatever you need for however long you need it."

Diego had appeared at the entrance of the building and was standing at a respectful distance, clearly available if I needed him and clearly not approaching until I indicated it.

I looked at Ryder.

He was standing in the car park in the morning light with the bruise on his face and the tiredness in his eyes, and he looked more human and more broken than I had ever seen him look in all the years I had known him.

Ryder Kane did not do broken well. He did contained and competent. This version of him had none of those things running and he was not trying to put them back on for my benefit.

That mattered to me more than I wanted it to.

"Can I at least send flowers?" He asked. "I'll apologize to you everyday till you come home to me."

I almost melted at the gesture, but I needed to maintain my ground. I thought about it for a few seconds. All I wanted was to run I to his big strong arms and let him carry me and ease off my stress. But I needed to be hard on him so he can prove to me that he truly and completely loves me.

"Yes," I eventually said.

"You can send stuff. I just don't want to see you for a while." I said.

Something in his face shifted. Barely. But I saw it.

"There is no rush," he said. “Take all the time you need.”

"I know," I said. "That is what I am telling you. There is no rush on this. You are not on a deadline with me."

"I understand that," he said.

"I need to hear you say it plainly," I said.

He looked at me. "I will wait as long as you need," he said. "Without a deadline and without pressure and without filling the space you asked for with things designed to shorten the timeline. I will wait."

I looked at him for a moment longer.

"Go back to the clubhouse," I said. "I'll get my things from the house and go to Jaxon's this afternoon."

"Do you need help with anything?" he said.

"No," I said.

"Okay," he replied.

He stood there for a moment as if there was something else to say and then understood there was not.

"Sage," he called my name.

"What?" I replied.

He looked at me with everything still stripped back and said, "I know the child is mine. I saw the heartbeat."

"I know," I said. "So did I."

Neither of us said anything else about it. We did not need to.

He turned and walked to his bike.

I watched him go and then I turned to Diego and said, "Let's get my things.”