I stepped toward him, and the next thing I knew, I slapped him across the face.
He looked at me in a way I had never seen before, didn't want to take my wedding ring, and headed for the exit. I know he won't give up that easily, but I don't care at the moment.
After that, I sat on the couch in the living room, and it seemed that no matter how empty the space was enough to fit several people in there at the moment, I felt like I was inside a cubicle that was only getting tighter and tighter.
The strange thing about this is that every time I rewatched the scene inside that car, I got even angrier at Chris than at Colin.
I felt so foolish, and it hurt too much.
Minutes later, I heard knocking at the door and the voice I least wanted to hear at the moment saying it needed to talk to me.
I covered my ears so I wouldn't have to hear Chris's voice because it only increased my anger and made me want to cry even more every time he spoke my name. All I could think about was how much fun he must have been having at my expense when he knew everything Colin was doing behind my back.
It was way out of line, even though I enjoyed our arguments, but I had no idea that he could go behind my back like this.
Colin didn't tell me the details, but I suppose Chris has seen me do this several times, and I feel part of a game between the two of them as if all those times when they fought were all part of a strategy to make me even more of a fool and get me all confused.
...
After much prodding at my door, I finally yelled at him to get out and leave me alone. I waited and noticed that he was gone. I cried even more.
Sometime later, Julie showed up, I don't know how she knew I needed her, but I didn't care to ask. I just wanted my best friend with me on the worst day of my life.
...
Colin, as I expected, called me several times after what happened, I was tempted to change my number, but I wasn't going to do that to give him this taste.
He also came here, but as the last time we spoke, my reaction was the same, I don't want anyone making an idiot out of me again, and this time our breakup was final.
...
Julie insisted several times that I should talk to her brother, but I asked her not to mention him in our conversations anymore.
I know that she was sad, but right now, I swear that I don't even want to remember that Chris exists. I haven't even been to her house anymore. Lately, I've been keeping Chantal and Sean company here at home.
Even though having to watch them kissing all the time on the other couch makes me very angry at my bad luck in love, which has haunted me since I was a teenager.
But I know they are not to blame for my choices, and Chantal has been trying to cheer me up as best she can, and I thank her for that.
...
It is Saturday morning, one of those Saturdays when I don't work, and I decide to go for a walk. I put on my sweatshirt and grab my headphones, but as soon as I walk out the front door, I run into the person I least want to see: Chris.
And as I look down, I see that he has a suitcase. I swear this scene doesn't make me feel comfortable.
I have already prepared myself to turn around because I no longer feel as confident as I thought when I see him again. I have a strange mix of feelings invading me right now, and I'm not about to stand here and find out which one will prevail.
But just as I'm about to turn around, I feel him holding my arm, and I hate that his touch on my body changes the way my heart beats. I know this is because of all the anger I am still feeling for him, but it is confusing at the same time.
And I hate that in those eyes, he can convey false compassion for what I feel because I know it is all a pretense.
I decide to go for silence, and he says he is going away. I wouldn't say I like the way. I don't want to hear that.
Will he leave for good? My heart clenches at the thought of this, and I hate how I feel about it.
I still don't say anything because there is an inner struggle inside me that I don't want to make evident to him.
He then takes out my cell phone and says he will leave his number so that I can call him and we can talk. I don't say anything, but I will not do it. I am no longer going to be his and anyone else's entertainment.
Julie arrives, and he says goodbye and heads toward the elevator.
I give up going for a run. I don't feel like it anymore. Seeing Chris reminds me of everything that has happened to me, and I'd instead go to my room now.
I have no idea why his absence leaves me with this tightness inside.
... Chris...
''You've checked this phone about twenty times since you sat there.''
Sam looks at me with amusement, and I roll my eyes.
I swear I was hoping the distance would make her rethink everything and see that I was the least of her fault. But it looks like that is not going to happen.
After helping Andy, Sam's girlfriend put him in their bed, I say goodnight and go to my room.
As soon as I lie down, I keep thinking about her again, which is killing me.
I recheck my cell phone and realize that Sam is correct. It is getting obsessive.
But the problem is that I worry about her, about how she must be feeling, and I am afraid that she will feel the same way I felt when this happened to me.