I turn around the table and go toward him saying:
''But it's like I told you, it doesn't change anything. I didn't give a damn....''
But Colin looks at me disappointed, making my tears threaten to fall.
He tells me:
''I swear I didn't expect this from you, Molly!''
- But it's not like you think, it was just... I don't know, and it was the impulse. We hate each other, and you know it...
But he interrupts me:
''What a way to show that hatred!''
''Colin, please, if it had mattered to me, I wouldn't have told you...''
But he is still looking at me in that disappointing way that makes me want to go back in time and never have opened that door when Chris came here yesterday.
I ask:
''Please forgive me!''
He stares at me angrily and says:
''I'm going to break that piece of shit's face!''
Colin tries to leave, but I hold his arm and ask him not to. He tells me I'm defending Chris, but that's not true. I just want Colin to forget about what happened.
''Don't do this, please, Colin. I swear I will never talk to him again, but let it go!''
He stands there looking at me for a while. He is disappointed. I can see it in his eyes. He takes a deep breath, goes to his room, and gets his jacket.
I question him:
''Where are you going?''
''I want to be alone, Molly!''
I try to convince him, but he walks out the door, leaving me devastated.
...
It's half past six in the afternoon. My eyes are red because I cried a lot. I haven't told Julie anything because she is definitely with Brennan, and I didn't want to spoil their day with my problems.
I've waited too long for a message or a call from Colin, and I need to talk to him. Things can't stay like this.
I go to his apartment.
I arrive and knock on the door. Who answers is the older brother, Alex, who shares the apartment with him.
''Hi, Molly!''
Alex receives me with a smile that I am sure he doesn't know anything about what happened with Colin and me. I find this strange.
''Where is Colin?''
''He's up in his room. Come in.''
He tells me to make myself comfortable. I go in and walk toward Colin's room. I knock on the door and tell him it's me, and I need to talk to him. He tells me to come in.
I open the door slowly and see that he is lying on the bed. He doesn't even look straight in my direction.
I come closer and see that he is taking a deep breath. He finally looks at me.
I say:
''I needed to know how you were doing.''
He says to me:
''How did you want me to be?''
Hearing him talk like that hurts inside, but I say:
''Colin, I...''
He interrupts me:
''I've thought it over, Molly and....''
I wouldn't say I like the tone of his voice. I sit in bed, and he still looks at me like he's devastated.
''I think we should take a break.''
I get up and say:
''Colin, no! I swear this will never happen again and....''
He sadly looks at me, but I'm trying to convince him in every way that I love him and that it won't change, but he looks at me.
I can't say much because my voice is getting choked up from the tears, and he gets up and comes to me saying:
''I trusted you so much...''
I wouldn't say I like hearing him talk because it makes me even more guilty.
And I beg him:
''Please don't talk like that...''
But he looks deep into my eyes and then sits back down where he was before, saying.
''I need to be alone, Molly.''
He's not looking at me anymore. I walk a few steps toward the door and look at him again. But he doesn't seem to be changing his mind. I feel like the whole world is collapsing in on me.
...
I drive and think that this really can't be happening. I get home, and as soon as I look toward Chris's apartment, I go over.
I knocked several times on the door. I don't care if I have to tell Julie everything. He's going to have to listen to me now. He'll have to convince Colin that this will never happen again and...
But I find out that there's no one there, and I return to my apartment again.
I get to my room, and all I can do is collapse on that bed and cry all the tears stuck while I was driving back.
And this is all Chris's fault. I repeat over and over to myself:
''I hate you, Chris, I hate you, I hate you ...''
...
I think I've fallen asleep because I woke up with some knocking at the door. It must be Julie, and I haven't talked to her all day and...
I look at the clock and see it's 3:00 in the morning.
''Weird.''
I tell myself. I get up and walk to the door. I open it and see Colin standing there with his head down.
''Colin?''
My heart is racing.
He looks at me and says with a half-sad smile:
'' I can't live without you.''
I go towards him and hug his neck, he returns the hug, and all the weight I felt seems to disappear instantly.
He kisses me and holds my body tight, and after many hours I can breathe again, without the weight that had accompanied me while I was away from him.
Colin spends the night with me.