Ever since Silvan's father had paid us an unpleasant visit, Silvan had disappeared without a trace.
It was now Thursday and I was starting to feel like I was going crazy alone in this house. I missed him, I had to admit that, even if it was just the connection that triggered this longing in me, it seemed real and painful to me.
Exhausted like every morning, I got up from my bed and at least I was happy that my otherwise useless wolf genes had managed to completely repair my foot. A small, if fleeting, smile spread across my face as I glanced at the crutch across from me and knew I finally didn't need it anymore.
A werewolf with a crutch was embarrassing enough as it was. Finally at least this nightmare was over.
After I got up and pulled a thin brown jacket over my white t-shirt, I ran into the hallway and quickly down the stairs to take a look through the window like I do every morning.
Typical autumn, I thought and looked at the bright sun, which after a few days had driven away the rain.
Realizing that I was going to spend this day alone and in solitude again, I ran into the kitchen, stuffed two bananas into it and was just about to get back up when I stopped at the bottom step of the stairs in surprise.
My eyes darted to the door as my ears caught the sound of a key rattling.
I grinned in anticipation like a little kid at Christmas. Finally someone would come and keep me company, and when I recognized with wide eyes that it was Bene entering the house, I immediately padded over to him, beaming.
"Good morning," I grinned happily, whereupon he also started to smile.
The weather really suited him. A sunny boy through and through.
"Hey, Jade," he greeted me, closing the door behind him and then turning his gaze back to me. "Sorry about that last time running away."
Embarrassed, he grabbed the back of his head and looked down apologetically.
"Oh, nonsense. I'm sorry I couldn't find a faster horse to run after you," I grinned, briefly thinking of the panting Igor, which made me shake my head in amusement.
"Horse?" Bene asked confused and then looked around the room curiously, while his eyes suddenly seemed wistful again. "When was the last time you saw Silvan?" He then changed the subject and seemed serious and concerned at the same time.
"It's been a few days," I explained sheepishly and then considered telling him about his father's visit, but decided against it. "Why do you ask?"
He straightened his black shirt, which he often wore, and then ran his fingers through his light brown curls. "Nobody knows where he is. Usually he logs off when he's gone for a few days."
"So he's often away for long periods?"
Bene nodded and then just looked at me thoughtfully for a long time until he smiled again.
"Well, he'll be home for sure soon," he tried to calm me down, but inside a tornado whirled through my body. It was all really getting to me. When Silvan was with me I felt overwhelmed, when he was gone I felt lonely.
Such crap, this connection!
"Are you okay?" Bene asked after a while of silence and I immediately shook my head in the negative.
"Everything just annoys me. I'm not allowed to see my brother and I'm terribly worried," I then admitted, breathing heavily, and Bene immediately took my hand in his, which made me twitch in shock.
"Well, if that's your only concern, then come with me."
He pulled me out of the house behind him, and while I was utterly surprised at the situation, he held open the passenger door of the dark SUV, whose window had already been repaired.
"Where are we going?" I asked completely confused and when Bene whispered "To Devin" I immediately thought I must be dreaming. He pushed my door shut and I pinched my arm a little too hard, whimpering at the pain but immediately taking pleasure in the fact that it really seemed to be the reality.
Bene got in next to me, smiled at me and then started the car.
"Just one thing. If a guard asks who you are, you say Melie. That's my little sister who hardly ever goes outside."
I nodded to him, then listened to the radio, shifting nervously in my seat. I even got a little nauseous from the sheer bliss. I just couldn't believe it.
The houses passed me, everyone seemed to be enjoying the weather and faster than I thought we arrived at the bridge.
A guy with longer brown hair had a brief chat with Bene, his rifle held close to his chest, and he only glanced at me before letting us drive across the bridge.
"Oh my God," I murmured beaming, as I recognized some houses from afar that were so familiar to me. I wanted to jump out of the moving car because the closer we got, the more impatient I got.
"Where is he at this time?" Bene asked when we turned into my street and it took me what felt like an eternity to be able to think clearly.
"Actually working," I answered him quietly and then looked over at him.
"And where?"
"In the workshop, just straight ahead."
Bene followed the road and unfortunately when we got to the workshop I didn't see Devin's car. So he was definitely free.
"Home?" I asked myself aloud and then glanced up at the sky, which with its bright blue color assured me where Devin was in such beautiful weather.
"He's at the sports field," I laughed and hectically explained the way to Bene.
My heart was racing and when I spotted Devin's car on the side of the road I gasped for joy until I looked at the sports field and my smile quickly faded.
That couldn't be true.
****
Shocked and paralyzed, I stared through the window towards the sports field.
It wasn't the presence of Aleya lovingly watching my brother play soccer that took my breath away. It wasn't his friends who kicked the ball back and forth with him.
No...
What hit me completely devastating was the realization that he was apparently doing much better without me than with me.
He was beaming and after watching him score I almost went into cardiac arrest as he took Aleya in his arms and placed his lips on hers.
My best friend... Even she didn't seem to miss me at all.
Of course it had to happen that way. Viola was right. I was just a kid that clung to Devin like a burden, making him a person who had more worries than anything else.
Now she was gone, his biggest worry, and he seemed to be enjoying his life of freedom to the fullest.
"I thought Viola was his mate?" I whispered and felt the first tears running down my cheeks, which were finding their way out of my green eyes faster and faster.
Bene didn't answer me and when I looked over at him, he was just as irritated as I was watching what was going on on the sports field.
"Don't you want to go see him?" he asked, and as I watched Devin beaming in the distance one last time, I realized that I didn't belong here anymore.
Rather said that it would be better for me and him to fully accept my fate now and to let the past rest.
"Drive me home," I whispered to Bene and just let my pain run free.
As Bene drove back the way I wished I had never come here. I no longer felt welcome here, no longer safe and that brought me a renewed loneliness that threatened to destroy everything in me.
"Probably wasn't a good idea," Bene mumbled apologetically and I kept feeling his fleeting glances at me, but ignored him completely.
Arrived at my new home, I got out without a word and immediately fled into the house, slamming the door behind me and running upstairs to my room.
I fell into bed crying and thinking about how useless I was.
A defiant child who had fought for something that didn't seem important anymore.
All those days I imagined Devin desperately looking for me, or still lying around at home injured. He was doing better than ever before. The burden was gone and his life was finally no longer just about giving up everything that made him special for me.
As I turned to the side crying and wiped away the tears, a small whiff of the smell of Silvan wafted into my nose and suddenly I had to cry even more bitterly than before.
The feeling of needing him with me, right now, spread through me and I had this one thought that only he could banish the loneliness.
Then, wiping away the last of my tears on the sleeve of my brown jacket, I got off the bed and sat up, determined to make a radical change, grabbing one of the bags in front of me.
I didn't want to be the defiant child that everyone saw in me anymore. Didn't want Silvan to run away just because he thought he couldn't talk to me about certain things. But who could blame him? I wasn't exactly a woman for him to act adult and trustworthy. More like a little girl who had to be protected from the evil influences of the world.
That was the end of it!
With the bags in hand, I got up and then started to put everything neatly into my closet.
This was now my home, so I could also make myself comfortable here.
After sorting everything to my satisfaction, I ran into the hallway and down the stairs to call for Bene at the front door.
Of course he was outside 24/7 to look after me. I didn't know from what, but I would find out that too.
He unlocked the door, took a step inside and gave me a questioning look.
He probably thought I was completely insane. I didn't care.
"I need a music system, plus CDs with RnB, please, something by Adele and 80s music on it. Then there are plants, it doesn't matter which ones, the main thing is that they look friendly."
"Friendly?" he grinned, frowning, but I ignored him and preceded him to the kitchen.
"Then there are decorative items. Just buy everything you can get. It's so lonely and cold here and I want to feel comfortable in my home.
I turned to face him and got a nod from him with a smile and he disappeared back out the door while I started looking for things to clean under the sink.
This house would shine and look beautiful when I was done with it.
I eagerly scrubbed all the surfaces and then cleaned the floor dancing until Bene was finally back after what felt like hours.
Poor thing looked like a packed donkey and he wasn't alone. Behind him, Igor also entered the house, carrying a music system, which immediately put a beaming smile on my face. Finally this lonely silence would go away.
"You can hook it up right back there."
I pointed to the windowsill across from the couch and, despite his annoyed eye roll, he hurriedly moved there and hooked everything up.
"So," said Bene and placed several plastic bags on the kitchen island. "I have tons of candles and fall decorations. I hope you like the stuff.
Curious, I opened one of the bags and yes, you could work with that.
After Igor got the music system up and running and Adele was playing, I asked them both to help me decorate, which luckily they did.
While Bene beautifully decorated the window sills with candles and autumnal leaves, Igor helped me distribute several colorful cushions on the black leather couch, which is otherwise so cold.
After that, the two of them carried larger plants out of the car together to place them where I told them to.
And then it was actually done!
Completely out of breath, Igor held his sweating forehead while Bene still looked fit as a fiddle, which made me giggle softly.
"As a thank you, I'll make you something to eat," I smiled and then started to prepare a delicious lasagna in the kitchen while the two talked about poker games and it was getting dark outside.
I was kind of proud of myself. Instead of continuing to mope and fight, I took my life as it was and even managed to get two grown men to hear Adele decorate a house.
The first day of my life when I didn't feel like I always had to feel protected and cared for and that just felt really good. Of course, this pain was still in me and I would certainly have to struggle with it for a long time, but not today and not while I had visitors there.
But if I had known what was to come, I would have enjoyed this day even more.
While the two of them sat on the high stools by the kitchen island and scooped up my lasagna, I stood there with my chamomile tea and chatted with them on the side.
I learned all sorts of interesting things. Among other things, that actually Bene would have been the first who would have been entitled to the rank of beta, but had rejected it. Igor, on the other hand, wanted to become Beta but wasn't allowed to due to his humanity, which was seen as a weakness by Silvan's father. Instead, Trevis became beta, which the two only saw on weekends. During the weekdays, he was tasked with protecting Viola, leaving only her Saturday night poker nights and Sunday trips to the woods.
"And why didn't you want to become a beta?" I asked Bene curiously, because after all it was a respected rank that you wouldn't just turn down.
"That's another story," he winked, putting another piece of lasagna on his plate. Thank goodness they seemed to like it.
At least something...
"And why didn't you get out this morning?" he then asked, whereupon Igor looked back and forth between him and me in confusion. I didn't want to go into detail for fear Bene would face consequences for what I did, so I just shrugged unknowingly and turned my gaze back to my tea, which was warming my hands so nicely.
Since neither of them said anything else and it was getting later and later, I was the one who yawned first and said goodbye for today. They both wished me good night and promised to clean up everything before they left, which I immediately refused.
When I got to the top, I first went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and comb my hair. Then I wanted to go back to my room, but things turned out differently than expected.
I still heard soft music from downstairs and heard the two of them chatting while I just went into Silvan's room.
It was completely dark in this room, but its intense smell alone brought me a certain warmth in my body, which I badly needed after that day.
I ran to his mirrored closet, grabbed one of his white t-shirts, and then undressed completely to cover his top. It smelled so wonderful that I just stood in the dark for a while and inhaled its scent with my eyes closed.
Was I completely out of my mind?!?!
How could this happen?
Confused by the desire for him, I then collapsed into his bed and was unexpectedly rocked back and forth as if on waves.
It was a water bed!
"How awesome is that please?" I whispered to myself and let myself roll back and forth with a grin, only to then wrap myself in the thick blanket.
It was so incredibly comfortable that I immediately closed my eyes and fell asleep daydreaming.
The next morning showed once again that the attitude to life was a matter of money after all. At least sometimes.
After the night in this bed I was neither tense nor exhausted and not even in a bad mood, as usual.
Instead, I just felt incredibly rested, which immediately put a smile on my face.
Maybe it was just the certainty that my brother was okay that put me in such a high spirits. After all, it weighed heavily on my shoulders not knowing what he was doing and how he was doing. That burden had been blown away by the wind.
I got out of bed, padded across the carpet to the door, and then took the stairs down to turn on the radio.
Satisfied that I could finally listen to music again, I danced into the kitchen and was amazed at first that the two had really cleaned up and cleaned up everything. Either they were really well brought up or they were nice because I was Silvan's mate. I guessed the latter.
Completely engrossed in the house music on the radio, I made myself some sandwiches and cut up an apple, then stopped moving.
I let go of the knife, turned around and looked Silvan straight in the eye, but he was busy looking around the ground floor, completely confused.
He didn't say anything, and I didn't dare to be the first to say anything either, so I watched him silently as he slowly walked over to the facility to take a closer look. I immediately noticed that he had dark circles under his eyes. I was curious where he was but had no intention of asking him.
He should get the feeling that I'm there for him, but not that I'm a nosy spider monkey.
Inside I was so nervous that I was shaking, but on the outside I stood frozen and stared at him in fascination.
I blocked out everything negative. In the end there was nothing negative. My brother was fine, I was fine and Silvan has always been good to me... Well, mostly, at least when he wasn't trying to drive me crazy with a blonde.
"Morning," he then said in a cold voice, took off his black leather jacket and came towards me with his eyes on me to take a seat on one of the bar stools.
"Morning," I whispered back sheepishly, feeling my cheeks suddenly and unexpectedly begin to glow.
Stop it now!!!
I widened my eyes and then next heard Silvan's soft laughter, which sent pleasant goosebumps down my arms.
"You know that you are really something special, don't you?" he grinned at me and I immediately had to think of Bene's words.
"I'm just different."
We smiled and looked deep into each other's eyes for a while. I had so many questions. About him, his father and even my father, but didn't want to destroy this moment. Besides, he was only here again, so I didn't want to put him to flight again.
"Didn't you like your stuff?" he then asked and I followed his gaze down, irritated.
That's right, I was wearing one of his white t-shirts.
"Yes but-"
I interrupted myself and suddenly got an unbelievable tachycardia. Of course, I didn't want to admit that I needed his scent, but seeing him so close again brought me an unbelievable sense of chaos...
"But?" he arched an eyebrow questioningly while a cheeky grin spread across his face.
Despite his dark circles under his eyes, he looked so incredibly good... You wouldn't tell from his looks that he was ten years older than me.
"But nothing," I reeled nervously, and slowly I had to admit that hitting him was easier than facing my feelings. I felt like I was balancing on raw eggs, which turned out to be really difficult. Thank god my foot was fine.
"May I?" he snapped me out of my thoughts, got up and walked over to stand right in front of me. My whole body trembled and I looked up at him uncertainly, only to catch my breath looking into his dark eyes.
"Yes," I said quietly and closed my eyes.