Bitter Test

Bitter Test
Rebeca

I took a shower, brushed my teeth, got out in a towel and felt the fire in my partner's eyes. He swallowed hard, but tensed his jaw. He wasn't going to make up so easily this time.
Damn! What was I thinking? Why did I act on impulse as if I were a single wolf? Was I being childish and spoiled? Yes. That's how I was, most of the time. Did I want to change? I don't know. Did I want this wolf? Very much. I wouldn't know how to live without him, but... old habits die hard.
I drank my coffee so it wouldn't get completely cold. I don't have the appetite to eat anything.
"Get dressed." He went to the balcony. I put on a brown sheath dress and boots of the same color. I tied my hair in a messy bun. I put on lipstick and mascara. I don't need to do this anymore.
I went to the balcony and saw him holding the degree tightly, his hands had white knuckles.
I wanted to jump on him, but I held back. He was hurt and that was awful. I rubbed circles on his back to calm him, a power only mates have, to relax each other.
He opened his eyes and pulled away. "So what's the problem? Why didn't you tell me about your marriage annulment?" “Noah, I… well, first I wanted to surprise you, come up with something special. Then I started thinking about what this new situation would be like, but what about our lives, what would it be like when I told you what was going to change? I thought we would have to have a conversation to decide some things. And I was confused, scared, I don’t know what happened. That’s the truth. Other things came up, I kept putting it off, but I was going to tell you…”
“How do you think this is going to work, Rebeca? You’re my woman. Mine. I didn’t mind giving up my pack, giving up being the Alpha to go with you to your pack. I offered to change continents to be with you. To love, care for and protect you.”
“I know. I want to be with you. I don’t want anyone else. But it’s too much for me. I’m used to making business decisions, traveling, all by myself, you know. And when you come over it’s great, we miss each other. The sex is incredible, I’m in love with you. And it’s strong, I feel dependent on your approval, on your demonstration of affection, I miss you, but… at the same time I ask myself, when we’re together every day? What will it be like? Will we be okay? Will we feel suffocated? Who will make the decisions? What if we don’t reach an agreement?” I started to cry. I saw the look of disappointment on his face. He walked across the room and looked at me seriously. “We will make decisions together. We will work as a team. You are not a Luna, even though you are female. You are an Alpha. I know that. We will be two Alphas, Rebeca. Your pack is yours, you are their leader. I am the one who is added. The question is, are you afraid that they will see me as the leader because I am male?”
I lowered my head. Was that it? Was I worried about power? Acceptance?
“I am not your father, I mean, when you talk about approval, about showing affection… I know that you had to grow up without your father’s presence. Maybe you were insecure about his love when you were little. But I have never stopped showing my love for you, my fidelity or my desire. So, rest assured that I like you as you are, with your flaws and qualities. And you are everything I need. But I could not understand how your fear of losing me could make exactly what you do not want happen.”

“It could be a little of everything you said, but there’s something else. I’m going to Japan and then to Russia. I’m afraid that my revenge against my mother’s killer could hurt you, I couldn’t bear to lose you because of this retaliation I need to make in order to have peace. And if I don’t lose you, if I lose myself. You’ll suffer for me, I’ll be condemning you. Do you understand? I love you, but I hate loving you and that makes me and you vulnerable.”

“Can’t you just let go of the past? Living in the present, Rebeca, revenge is taking you away from me, from our future, can’t you see that? I can take care of a vampire’s death myself, but it takes time to plan, organize, blend in and execute. He’s in another country, any of us would draw a lot of attention there. I need to have a good alibi or are you going to kill yourself along with him?”

“I can take care of myself. I don’t need you or anyone. I know what I have to do.”

“Really? Taking how many to your bed? Or maybe taking Natsuke to visit his father and involving his pack without them even imagining or being prepared for a counterattack? Is that fair? Didn’t you think you would attract a bunch of vampires to take revenge on the pack or even on her? That’s your brilliant plan.”

I remained silent. I had nothing to say to him. Hearing those words from her mouth seemed selfish and irrational. Had I lost my touch? I could feel the invisible thread of the mate bond pulling me towards him. I wanted to kiss him, hug him, be with him. I sighed and let my guard down.

He was going to leave the room without saying anything. I needed to reverse this. “I want to mark him.”

“Not now.” And Noah left.