Chapter 30 : My Decision...

***Rosella...***

*The decision is mine now.*

*Which is…*

With my arms wrapped around my knees, I rock back and forth in the middle of the bed. I have brushed my teeth, combed my hair and moisturized my dry skin. I've also drained the entire jug of water that sat on the nightstand, along with the bulb lamp.

And yet, I haven't been able to shrug off the numbness and choose for myself. *Why do I shut down when I need myself the most?* My overactive mind straight out refuses to cooperate and help me think right when it’s time to make any life altering decisions.

*How hard can it be to make a simple decision though?* All I have to do is dress into one of his many black shirts and black panties. Follow his given directions and arrive in the destined room before my 15 minutes are up.

At the thought of minutes, my eyes skitter to the left and up to the oval-shaped clock, ticking away the seconds without a sound. I have 10 minutes left now.

*10 minutes to finally make the right decision…*

*...or end everything with a wrong one.*

Releasing my clasped hands, I fall back on the bed with a sigh and close my eyes… think about all the time I've spent with Adrian or in his presence. I compare all the strange and intense emotions he evoked inside me, to the deadness and drudgery I've suffered for the most part of my life.

And sure enough, it's clear which option I want to go with, what I want to explore on a deeper level.

Inside my head, I count the minutes with the clock as I slowly slip into motion… all the while telling myself... *This can’t be undone. Think it through.*

Well, if nothing, at least I’ll remain reassured that I am capable of rationtionality. Knowing Adrian like I do, I think I’m going to need a lot more of that.