Chapter 65 – One day…

KIRA.

I couldn’t believe it. After everything that had happened, after all the time and effort and love that I had poured into raising Maddie, the judge ruled that Gabriel would have full custody. I felt like I’d been hit with a ton of bricks. I felt lost, confused, and angry.

And that was when I lost it.

“No, how can you do that?” I snapped angrily and right when I wanted to leave my seat Mark stopped me.

“Kira, behave yourself. We will appeal”

“Appeal what? This heartless judge just ruined Maddie’s life and mine. Why? Don’t you have children?” I yelled pounding my fists on the table.

“Bailiff, please escort Miss Reed outside,” I heard the judge say and as much as I struggled I was no match for the man kicking me out.

Only my little girl’s face remained engraved in my mind, crying helplessly.

How could the judge make such a decision? Didn’t he understand how much Maddie meant to me, how much I had sacrificed for her? Didn’t he see how much I loved her, how much I’d tried to provide for her, to protect her, to be there for her? How could he give her to someone who barely knows her, who hasn’t been there for her, who doesn’t even want her?

I felt like I had failed Maddie. Like I’d let her down, like I was abandoning her. I felt like I was losing a part of myself, like they had taken away something from me. Like I was drowning in a sea of emotions, and I didn’t know how to swim.

I knew I should be grateful for the time I had with Maddie, for the memories we had made, for the love we shared. But right now, all I could feel was the pain and the emptiness and the despair. Right now, all I could think about was how unfair this was, how unjust, how cruel.

I didn’t know what the future held. I didn’t know how I was going to cope with this, how I was going to move on, how I was going to live without Maddie by my side. But I knew one thing: I would always love her. I would always cherish her. And I would always be there for her, no matter what.

“I can’t believe I lost Maddie. How could this happen? I trusted you to fight for me in court, and you let me down!” I screamed in pain outside the courthouse.

“Kira, we did everything we could to win the case. We presented all the evidence and made the strongest argument possible. Unfortunately, the judge ruled against us.” Mark said and I still couldn’t believe how calm he was.

“I don’t want to hear excuses! Maddie is my daughter, and now she’s gone. You were supposed to be my advocate in court, but you failed me.” I said in despair.

“I understand that you’re upset, Kira, but we can still appeal the decision. There’s still a chance we can get Maddie back.”

“What’s the point of appealing? The judge has already made up his mind. He thinks I’m an unfit mother, and now I’ve lost my daughter forever.”

“That’s not true, Kira. We can appeal the decision and try again. We can gather more evidence and make a stronger case for why you should have custody of Maddie.” Mark explained, but I couldn’t hear a word.

“It’s too late for that, Mark. I should have never trusted you as my lawyer. You didn’t fight hard enough for me in court, and now I’ve lost everything.” I said, and tears started rolling down my cheeks.

“Kira, please calm down. We can still fight for you and Maddie. We can’t give up now. Just have to keep trying.” Mark tried to reassure me.

“You don’t understand, Mark. You don’t know what it feels like to lose a child. Maddie was everything to me, and now she’s gone. I don’t know how I’m going to live without her.”

“I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now, Kira, but I promise you we can still fight for you. We can appeal the decision and try to get Maddie back. You’re not alone in this.”

“It’s too late, Mark. There’s nothing more to be done. You let me down, and now I’ve lost everything. So drop it!” I said and turned to leave.

It wasn’t until I walked a few steps I saw Gabriel with Maddie leaving as well. My daughter was crying.

I could feel my heart breaking into a million pieces as I watched Maddie cry and struggle in Gabriel’s grip. Despite knowing that Gabriel would not harm Maddie, I couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of panic and despair.

Mark tried to calm me down, but I was inconsolable. I couldn’t stand the thought of Maddie being taken away from me.

“Don’t you dare go there, Kira!” Mark warned. “The court forbids you to”

“Please, let me go!” Maddie cried out, her small frame wriggling in Gabriel’s grip. “I don’t want to go with him! I want my mommy!”

I looked at Mark and then at Maddie again.

“You know what? Fuck the court!”

My heart shattered at the sound of Maddie’s words. I couldn’t bear to see my daughter so upset and afraid.

But Mark gripped my arm immobilizing me. “What the hell are you doing?” I asked Mark, trying to break free. But when I heard Maddie a second time yelling, I saw red in front of my eyes.

“Let her go, Gabriel,” I pleaded, my voice trembling with rage. “Please, just let her come to me.” I yelled from a distance.

But Gabriel remained stubborn, refusing to let go of Maddie’s hand. I felt a surge of anger and frustration build up inside me. How would Gabriel be so cruel? Didn’t he understand how much Maddie needed her mother?

In a moment of desperation, I broke free from Mark’s grasp and rushed towards Gabriel and Maddie. I wrapped her arms around Maddie, pulling her close and gripping her.

“It’s okay, baby,” I whispered, my voice shaking with emotion. “Mommy’s here. Everything’s going to be okay.”

Maddie clung to me, tears streaming down her face. Gabriel looked at us, his expression a mix of frustration and resignation.

Mark tried to intervene, but I wouldn’t let him. I didn’t care about any law. I was determined to hold on to Maddie for as long as I could, to protect her from any harm or danger.

Eventually, I was persuaded to let Maddie go with Gabriel, but not before I had held my daughter for a few precious moments longer. As he led away Maddie, she turned to me one more time and cried out.

“Mommy, don’t leave me!”

It was there that I felt a sense of guilt and heartache washed over me as I watched Maddie disappear. I knew I had to let Maddie go, but the thought of being separated from my daughter was almost unbearable.

As I walked away from the courthouse, I felt as though a part of me had been ripped away. I couldn’t bear the thought of being without Maddie, but I knew I had to be strong for her daughter’s sake.

***

The hours became days. Days became weeks and weeks became months. I could barely breathe without my Maddie.

Alana visited me from time to time, because I wouldn’t let her. I wanted to be alone in my grief. I was trying to keep my sanity so I could get Maddie back.

One day I found myself sitting alone in my living room, staring at the empty walls, feeling a weight heavy on my chest. The ache in my heart was unbearable as I thought about what I had lost. Losing custody of my daughter to Gabriel had left me feeling utterly defeated and devastated.

I still remembered the day the court ruled in his favor, and it forced me to hand over my child to a man who I thought would never be capable of taking care of her. He just took her for the sake of it. The tears flowed freely as I watched them leave, feeling like a part of me was being ripped away.

Every day since then has been a battle with myself. I had tried to push through the pain, but it was always there, lurking in the background, waiting to consume me. The loneliness was suffocating, and the guilt was overwhelming.

I keep asking myself, what did I do wrong? Maybe I was not a perfect mother, but I tried my best. I loved my daughter with all my heart, and I still do. Losing her had made me realize just how much she meant to me.

Gabriel was always the one who seemed to have it all together, but I now see that appearances could be so deceiving. He might have won in court, but I feared for my daughter’s wellbeing. What kind of life would she have with him? Would she be happy? Safe? Loved?

These thoughts haunted me, and I couldn’t help but feel like I had failed my child. I knew I couldn’t change the past, but I would do everything in my power to make things right. I would fight to regain custody of my daughter and prove to the court that I was capable of being an exemplary mother.

Until then, I would continue to live with this pain, this loss that felt like a part of me was missing. Losing custody of my daughter to Gabriel had been one of the hardest things I had ever faced, and I prayed that one day, I would be reunited with her once again.