185 - Xandra

185 - Xandra
First love teaches us many things but losing it teaches us to be strong. - Unknown

With two-week old CJ under the care of his fathers, Dean went with the other women in the family to the nail salon. Afterwards, she went with Helen to have her final dress fitting before Helen and Reese’s wedding next Friday night. When she got home, she snuggled in between her men, with her son sleeping on her chest, and took a nap.

She woke up with JD holding her, but CJ and Cooper were nowhere to be seen. Throwing off the blanket, she tried to sit up. JD pulled the blanket back around her and settled her against his chest.

“Coop went to change his diaper,” he murmured. “You were tired when you got home. Did you have a good morning?”

Relaxing into his embrace, she leaned her back against his chest. Smiling, she nodded, “I did. And I got to see your mom’s dress. It’s really pretty.”

“It can’t be as pretty as either of yours,” he rested his chin on the top of her head. “Cooper and I have a bet going. Is it pink?”

Dean chuckled because she too had expected the dress to be a shade of Helen’s favorite color. “No, it’s ivory, but it has pink beading.”

“Of course it does,” he gave a small laugh of his own. “I would expect nothing less of my mother.”

There was a knock on the hallway door, and they both started to get up before Cooper declared that he would get it. Soft voices came from the hall, but they could not hear the words that were being said. Heavy foot falls told them that someone was approaching them. Cooper sat down on the other side of Dean and handed her the now sleeping baby. JD turned the TV off causing the room to fall silent.

Xandra sat down on the large ottoman in front of the couch. She hung her head down and swiped at tears that were falling. Taking a deep breath, she looked at the family in front of her.

The woman looked devastated and tired. Bags were under her eyes and her skin was pale. The dark blue T-shirt did not help with her pallor, and both the shirt and her jeans seemed to hang off her frame as if she had lost a little too much weight. Her pixie cut had grown out to past her chin and she kept running her fingers through it nervously.

“I need some help.”

“Gigi was hurt when you ghosted her,” Dean told the other woman. “And then to hear through the grapevine that you got married? What did you think would happen?”

Xandra nodded, “I know. I wanted to tell her why and explain. I didn’t think that she would find out before I got back. But I guess it went like…” she smirked, “like a wildfire through the fire department.”

“What could you tell her that would make getting married to your ex better?” JD asked, trying to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

“He was dying,” she said softly.

The silence in the room was heavy. CJ stretched and made a soft baby cooing sound. Dean shifted him on her shoulder and gently rubbed his back. Her soft murmuring seemed overly loud in the quiet room.

“Darren was my first real relationship,” Xandra said quietly, “he was also the first person that I came out to. And he sat with me when I told my parents. His parents always held out hope that it was a phase and that we would get married.”

“He was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer and was given six months to live. He fought for the four months that he survived. I had been listed as his beneficiary for years, I thought that he had taken me off, but he had not.”

“Stubborn to the end, the little bastard,” she smirked and sniffled as she swiped at her nose. “His dad passed away a few years ago and his mom has dementia. He’s the only surviving kid and had custody of his two nephews. He wanted everything to come to me and his lawyers suggested…”

“That you two get married,” Cooper surmised and Xandra nodded.

“It was not ideal, but it was the best solution,” she used the back of her hands to wipe the tears off her eyelashes. “Then when he died…” she took a deep breath and then let it out. “Cole and Greg are with my parents while I try to figure out what the fuck I’m doing. They’ve already lost their parents and now Darren, I can’t stay on the department.”

Dean handed the sleeping infant to JD and moved over to hug her. Xandra laid her head on the younger woman’s shoulder as their arms wrapped around each other. A sob was pulled from the depths of her soul as she cried over her friend and the possible loss of the woman that she loved and an unknown future looming ahead of her.

“Have you talked to Gigi?” Dean asked.

“No, before I could talk to her, she sent me a congratulations text and then blocked me everywhere. I probably deserve it. I want a chance with her, or to at least explain why I got married.”

Xandra let go of Dean and shifted so that she could reach into her jeans pocket and pulled out a small light blue box. She handed the box to Dean, “This was going to be Gigi’s Christmas present. There was going to be a question to go with it too. A rather specific question.”

Dean opened the box and looked at the gold ring with a large princess cut diamond. “Oh my…”

“I went and talked to her dad and her mom helped me pick it out. Even if she says no, I want her to have it. I love her, I really do.”

“Are you planning on moving back here to Morgan City?” JD asked.

Xandra nodded, “Small towns in Oklahoma are not kind to lesbians. I talked to the chief, and they think that there will be an opening in the office for public safety and community relations. For the most part, it will be an eight to five job, and I just need to find a daycare for the boys.”

“We’ll get you the information for the daycare that the family uses,” Cooper offered.

“Thanks,” she smiled at them. “You have no idea how much that would help. And I know that you don’t have to help me, especially with the way that things went down with me and Gigi.”

“Xandra,” Dean said, “things that were out of your control happened. You’re trying to fix them. We’ll help you as much as possible. Those boys should not suffer any more.”

She swiped away more tears, “I don’t know how to say thank you enough for you to really understand how much that means to me. Honestly, I think that the boys would love Gigi. And she’s so great that I know she would love them. But I don’t know… I screwed up so bad.”