Chapter 356 The Message in Her Eyes
Chapter 356 The Message in Her Eyes
Lou woke up feeling more pissed off than a shaken jar of hornets. That man was unraveling her very precise life one goofy smile at a time. She checked her phone and, sure enough, there was a text from Dominic. From an hour ago. It was a picture of Rueben looking rather pathetic sitting on the bed with a pitiful little look on his face. The caption said “distraught he didn’t get his goodbye kiss.”
Lou rolled over onto her back, grabbed a pillow and held it over her face as she screamed into it. She was becoming utterly ruined and she hated him for how much her traitorous heart was enjoying this…whatever this was between them. Lou’s never done relationships and never done monogamy. As she leaned against her kitchen counter wearing a sports bra and soccer shorts, ready to go down to the gym, sipping her pre workout, she tried to figure out what in the actual fuck was going on with herself.
Last night she’d gone to the club. It had been an abnormal amount of time between visits but she chalked that up to end of year grading for the class she taught, even though finals hadn’t happened yet. She still bristled when she had to go through the extra added security they now had there. The guys at the door were much rougher and ruder than the ones they always used to have. Up until a few month ago, the club felt like a safe haven. Since ownership changed hands, it was starting to feel unwelcoming.
She set her helmet next to her on the bar and ordered a drink. A jack and coke. Different from her usual but she was feeling rough around the edges and that drink always felt more on that vibe to her. She nursed it, watching the live demo of the night, a sub/dom situation that was luke warm at best. Those were a new thing here, live shows in the middle of the bar area. She hated the addition. They had a small thirty person theatre for live shows down the hall, why put it out here as well? None of the women she’d seen since they started doing these open area shows looked particularly interested in even being up there. Sometimes, they didn't even look into the BDSM scene at all.
Lou turned back and swirled her drink, feeling a sudden shift in the air around her as someone took the seat next to her. She glanced up to see an older man, hair having just that kiss of grey that said sophisticated and experienced without the joint pain, a gorgeous green eyed blonde against his hip.
“Hey.”
The man said, his voice raspy as he pointed to Lou’s drink, telling the bartender to get her another.
“Howdy.”
Lou said, sounding as indifferent to them as she felt. She normally didn’t always sit back and wait for someone to come to her when she needed a release beyond what she could give herself but even on a busy night like tonight, she didn’t find a single person who had caught her eye. She’d continuously glanced around like a hawk searching for a mouse in a field and realized her brain was auto scanning for the only acceptable partner- about 6 foot 3, shoulders like a lumber jack, waist like a pro athlete, hair like apollo the sun god, and a face painted by Michelangelo himself.
“God damnit.”
Lou said, barely audible over the music.
“What was that?”
The man asked and leaned closer.
“Nothin’, just fixin’ to wrestle the last of my sanity.”
Lou muttered, accepting the new drink with a nod.
“We were heading back to a private room and just couldn’t ignore your vibe. Would you care to join us? We are both…very good at sharing.”
Normally, Lou would be very interested in this type of situation. Sometimes when she came to the club she had trouble choosing between going for a man or a woman. This was the best of both worlds for her. However, tonight wasn’t about a sexual appetite and preference. Tonight, Lou was there to prove to herself that she wasn’t falling hopelessly into the trap that was chasing after one person. She had to show herself she was still in full control over her life and that she wasn’t about to let someone rearrange her perfectly curated life to-do list because he happened to magically guess right on exactly what she needed without her ever saying a word of suggestion. Thats why, when she looked at this couple and her entire being screamed ‘no’ because they didn’t look like the dangerous mafia enforcer that had been invading her day dreams, she nodded her head, downed her drink, grabbed her helmet, and followed them down the hallway that led to the private rooms.
Sometimes, couples have preferences. Different itches they were there to scratch on that particular night. Sometimes people were as consistent as the day is long. Lou had never seen this couple before so she had no clue. She turned to the blonde before walking into the dressing room where the lockers were.
“Any particular feel or theme?”
“Come as you are.”
Lou nodded. That was code for ‘lingerie is a waste of time’. Perfect, as far as Lou was concerned, she didn’t need the extra tonight. She slowly began undressing and hanging her clothes in her locker. When she turned, Lou caught a glimpse of herself in the vanity mirror.
She still had the definition of a competitive athlete, which she was proud of. But her face…especially her eyes were empty, dull with a tired that came more from running on a hamster wheel trying to catch something than from actual exhaustion. Tired of the fight. Tired of wanting. Something in the back of her mind whispered ‘you’re only fighting yourself. What you want is literally one phone call away.’
'I could also walk into that private room and get that.’
‘Thats not what you want, not really.’
Lou wondered at her cryptic, strangely self-argumentative mind as she looked into her eyes, willing the muffled EDM music to silence her thoughts.
But that train of thought had its hooks in her.
Lou always felt like she knew exactly what she wanted out of life. She wanted to be herself. She didn’t want anyone to tell her what she could or couldn’t do, could or couldn’t be. She had designed her life meticulously so that she would be free to do whatever felt right for her. She wouldn’t get close enough to anyone for them to try and change her. Lou’s entire life revolved around no one being involved enough with her to affect any of her choices or try and change her into their ideal image of who she should be. She’s had enough of that for one lifetime. She’d rather lose everyone than lose herself. But tonight, when she sat across from the man who cooked grits like it was his love language and shared a little bit of each other that seemed like all little pieces of the same puzzle instead of two different puzzles, Lou realized it was one thing to be unapologetically herself, and it was another thing for someone to see her. No, not only see her but give her the space and the permission to be so herself that they felt it was safe to start being themselves too. Dominic even said hardly anyone knew those things about him. The fact that he told her and didn’t act like it was an accident or a huge mistake that that wasn’t his birth name suddenly felt like a massive, shared, blanket between them. The importance of that didn’t settle until that moment, but now she recognized how heavy that was. Lou felt her nervous system give a shudder, and she felt her mind slipping into fight or flight. She shouldn’t be here. This isn’t what she wanted. This isn’t what she needed. She had to get out of there. She felt like she was being chased by something, and it finally caught up to her there in her own eyes in that dressing room wrapped in a short satin robe. She crossed the room fast threw her clothes back on and jogged out to the bar, waving the bartender over frantically.
“Hey that couple that just took me to that private room. I believe we were in room four.”
“Yeah?”
He asked, an eyebrow raising, wondering where she was going with it.
“Let me pay for their room and their next round of drinks, please. If they ask, tell them I’m sorry I had to leave.”
The bartender nodded, swiped Lou’s membership card, and then she left.
‘An hour and a half wasted here’ she thought as she started walking up the stairs, pausing for a moment to realize that might’ve been the most important hour and a half of her life. She wasn’t sure if it was in a good or a bad way, but either way she knew it was the beginning of something for her and she couldn’t tell her she loved her hated it.
As she finished her pre-workout, Lou looked down at her running shoes and realize that wasn’t going to cut it so she went and grabbed her soccer cleats. Luckily, a few pro athletes for the local football team lived in her building and, to attract them, the management company installed a back part of the gym that was all turf, but it was open to everyone. She grabbed an old beat up soccer ball as she slung her cleats over her shoulder. Just running wasn’t going to help her today. But some sizzling cone drills, footwork, sprinting step dribbles, and a few rounds of head, shoulders, knees, and toes might get the job done.