I could not believe that the place I've known all my life. The place I called home was in few days no longer going to be mine. Ours. Mine and mother's. I sighed sadly and wondered why life was the way it was - cruel and crazy. My mother and I did not deserve to be treated this way. We should have a right here, in this pack. This was not just a home, it was my pride. As every werewolf out there prided themselves on their root. It was every werewolf's dream to be born in a pack, belonging to one, grow and make a life in one. Continuing the legacy of those before us. Alas, that was not going to be the case for my mother and I, and it was somehow my fault. No, it was all my fault.
"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?"
I smiled at the voice even before I saw the face.
"Yes, mother. It is."
I heard her sigh. The nostalgia that I heard from that exhalation of breath caused a deep pang of guilt in my chest. She was already missing this place even before we left.
"I'm sorry, mother."
"What are you sorry for?"
I turned to look at her. The silver gleam of the moon washed over her beautiful face. She smiled but even the smile had sadness she did not want me to see. I knew the smile was to make me believe everything was fine and she was not bothered, but I knew. I saw through her façade.
"Mother, I know you love here as much as any werewolf of this pack. And I know that every memory you have from when you were a pup to an adult wolfess means everything to you. I'm sorry I'm the reason you're losing it all."
I struggled to hold back tears, my voice became thick with emotion. I had to swallow the boulder that had lodged itself uncomfortably in my throat. I was the reason all this was happening, and I wished there was some way I could stop it. I wish there was some way I could turn back the hands of time and do things better. Or have them happen differently.
"Hey, don't berate yourself over it." She took my hands in hers and squeezed lovingly. "It's not your fault. No one can help what you're going through."
"It doesn't change the fact that it's all my fault. That our leaving here is because of me."
"No." She disagreed firmly, then the silver light beaming on her expression, she was displeased with my self-blame and self-condemnation. "Whatever happens is all on them. They chose to throw us out. It was their choice to pick on us. It was their choice to decide to make us the object of mockery amongst pack mates."
I sighed. "You're just trying to make me feel better."
She shook her head slowly. "No"
"No?"
"You don't need to feel better, because you already are better."
I took note of the emphasis on 'feel' and ''are'.
"I'm already better?"
I questioned, feeling a bit confused.
"Yes. You are better than them, things beyond our control happen to anybody. No one is got the right to judge anyone because of certain circumstances. Ignorant, mean people."
She uttered with some rush of anger.
"It's okay, mother."
"No, it is not. We are going to become rogues and you that fate is almost as awful as death. Two werewolves without packs, what are we without our packs? I'm just…just"
She trailed off and it was time for me to squeeze her hand right back. From the way her fingers held onto mine, I knew she needed the contact. I felt so bad for putting her through such. It was just me and her, my father was not in the picture. It had always been the both of us, looking out for each other. She had been the most supportive parent when she found out my problem. Never mocked nor made me feel bad about it, but others had. When they did, we'd kept them quiet until they no longer wanted us.
I sighed.
"Sit with me mother. Let's watch the moon and stars together while reminiscing on the good memories we created here."
I was sitting by my window and my window was wide enough to accommodate both of us. I pulled her to sit with me.
"Don't you think I'm too old to sit and watch the stars and daydream. Or night-dream in this case."
We both chuckled as she took her place beside me and released our hold on each other to drape an arm around my shoulders, I went into the comfort she was wordlessly offering and placed my head on her shoulder.
"What were your fond memories growing up here, mother?"
"I remember when I was six and would run naked from the house I stayed with my parents to the river and bathe there."
"You've never told me that one. Now, I want to hear."
"I always found the river a perfect place to bathe than an actual bathroom."
"That is crazy."
"Well, it drove my parents crazy. They never knew how or when I'd slip out of the house to the river and when I was done, I'd slip in back. But that was on rare occasions."
"What do you mean?"
"Sometimes I'd play all by myself, wear myself out and fall asleep at the bank."
"All by yourself? No clothes? You don't think of catching a cold?"
"At six?" She raised an amused brow at me. "At six, my greatest concern was thinking of the food my mother would have prepared for me after having a nap by the river."
"They never looked for you?"
"They did. Sometimes when I heard them coming and I knew I was not done having fun, I'd run and hide behind some bushes."
"They never found you?"
"Sometimes, they did. Though they weren't really worried about me getting lost because the river was quite close to our home but they were more worried of me getting sick."
"And let me guess, they'd drag you home if and when they caught you."
"Correct. I'd cry and kick, throw tantrums in general. Would sulk and reject meals."
"Quite an extreme tantrum for an activity you indulge in everyday."
"I know but I was six and grateful to the Moon Goddess for giving me such wonderful parents, I was never rebuked except on few occasions that I truly deserved it."
"Your childhood was fun."
"Yes, it was. And my wish was my legacy would continue here, you know. That I was going to give you the best life as I'd had." I'd never wanted you to end up a rogue.
She didn't have to say it but I heard it in the silence that followed after her words.
"I'm sorry, mother."
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Katherina."
"Yes, I do."
"Stop it, you're going to annoy me."
"I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for?"
I knew she wanted to know what my last sorry was for. And I didn't know, honestly. Maybe I was still apologizing for putting us in this situation and a little for saying sorry even when she'd asked me not to.
"Nothing mother."
"Good, don't ever be sorry."
I nodded. I saw her surreptitiously wipe tears from her eyes and I was only more sorry for being the reason behind her pain. I was only more sorry for everything.