The first step to healing was admitting that you needed help and the seconds step was to ask for it.
It hadn’t been easy.
After everything that had happened with Oliver and then the shit with Lucas, my relationship with Dad was a bit strained. We hadn’t really talked like we used to since we returned home.
I guessed that I was partly to blame for it since I went out of my way to avoid him as much as I could.
Apart from my therapy sessions three times a week, I spent most of my time in my bedroom. Eva popped in now and again but she never stayed for long because I usually ignored her until it pissed her off.
At least I had managed to rebuilt the wall between us. I had been thinking of talking her into agreeing to break the bond between us. I had no clue whether it could be done but if something like it had been created by magic then magic could break it again. There was no real need for the bond between us after all.
I sighed and turned onto my back. My eyes locked on the glow in the dark star decorating my ceiling. There was no stopping the memories from flooding my mind which made tears burn my eyes.
It had been Mom’s idea to put them up since I used to loved stargazing. Through the years, those stars were the only thing that stayed exactly the same.
Why did Mom have to die so soon?
I needed her.
I needed her to tell me what to do.
I needed her to hug me tight.
I needed her to help me fix things between Dad and me.
I just needed her.
Thunder echoed in the distance, breaking the constant silence that surrounded me.
Sitting up, I pushed the sheets off and hesitated a moment before I got up and walked over to the window. Pulling the curtains open, I took a seat and rested my head against the cold glass.
My eyes darted up to the sky and stayed there as my mind trailed off.
Two weeks after returning home I had gone to the doctor for a pregnancy test. It had been a huge relief when the test was negative.
I wanted a family but I knew that I wasn’t ready to start one yet. Not only did I have my own demons I had to fight, but a baby needed two parents and not just one.
Reaching up, I wiped a lone tear away and wrapped my arms around my waist.
I had always been surrounded by people, but things were different. Even though everybody was still there if I needed them, I felt completely alone.
A soft knock on the window startled me. I tensed; ready to run if I needed to but the moment my eyes darted up, my body slowly relaxed. I stared at him in shock for a few seconds before I reached up to unlock the window and push it open.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?”
I tried to smile but failed. “Just thinking.”
“Now what could possibly be so interesting that you’re losing sleep over it?”
My eyes dropped. I pursed my lips and swallowed a few times but I didn’t find the words to explain what I was feeling.
Granddad David sighed. “Devon told me about the shit your father said to you.”
“You can’t say that he didn’t mean it because I know he did.”
“I wasn’t going to say that,” he muttered.
I frowned. “I think that I needed to hear it.”
“Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t.” He reached out and flicked the top of my ear with a finger. “Now why don’t you tell me what you’re thinking about?”
“It won’t change things.”
“No, but it might make you feel better.” He smiled. “I’ve been waiting for you to come see me but you didn’t so I came to you, besides, I didn’t sneak out and come all this way just to sit here in silence.”
“Liar,” I giggled. “We both know that Grandma kicked you out.”
Chucking, Granddad turned and took a seat on the ground with his back against the wall. He muttered something under his breath and then fell silent. It wasn’t a surprise when he pulled a packet of gum from his pocket and handed it over to me after taking a few for himself.
I stared down at it for a moment before I popped one into my mouth. The urge to spit it back out his me but I followed the instructions my therapist had given me.
“Tell me what you’re thinking about,” Granddad said again, drawing my attention to him.
“I’m j-just thinking about the old days,” I whispered. “I miss Mom.”
“We all miss her, even though we weren’t as close as I had hoped to be.” He sighed.
“Did you like her when you first met her?” I asked him.
“In order for me to answer that question I would have to go back in time to tell you about it and unfortunately that’s something I can’t do because your father would kill me.”
I frowned but I didn’t question him further. It was like Eva had said before, there were things Dad hadn’t told us which meant that he obviously didn’t want us to know about it.
“Sometimes I think about Lucas,” I admitted.
Lucas had disappeared without a trace by the time I had given Dad the photos and told him about the things he had said—not everything but enough to explain where I had gotten the photos.
Dad had everybody he knew looking for him.
In all honesty, I was happy that Dad hadn’t found him yet, but I was worried about Lucas too. His Mother was dead and his stepfather had been killed when the house exploded due to a gas leak. There was the place where we had been at after he rescued me, but I had no idea if it belonged to a friend off his or not.
“Do you think that if things were different that this still would have happened?” I asked him when he remained silent.
Granddad turned slightly so he faced me. “I’ve learned from experience that nothing ever comes from thinking about all the what if’s.” He swallowed. “We can’t go back to change the mistakes we made, Ariana, but we have a chance to make up for it. Holding onto the past is never going to get you anywhere. Holding on to it prevents you from moving forward.”
My eyes darted away from his as I silently went over his words in my head. Had I been holding on to the past because I was too scared to move on or was it because I was happy with how things were going?
I never thought of going anywhere or doing anything other than staying at home and doing what I usually did. Was Dad disappointed in me because of that? Was he tired of having to look after me?
“This mate of your,” Granddad said, making my eyes snap over to his. “I haven’t met him and all I have on him is the things I’ve heard from your father, Devon and Eva. Your father’s not very happy with him, obviously but from what Eva told me, I can tell that he might not be as bad as everyone believes him to be.”
“He wants to destroy Dad’s life,” I blurted out. “How’s he not so bad?”
Granddad blinked at me. It took me a moment to realize what I had said. My eyes widened when panic hit. I hadn’t told Dad that part or about the possibility that his Mother might be responsible for Mom’s death.
“Ariana—”
“Don’t tell Dad!”
“I’m not going to tell him, you are. Where do you think it’s going to get you once your father finds out that you hid something from him that could possibly explain things?” Granddad ran a hand down his face. “I’m going to pretend that you didn’t say that but only until tomorrow. If you haven’t told him by then, I will.”
I swallowed as I gave him a nod.
“Look,” he hesitated a moment before he continued, “there are two sides to everything. Sometimes we only see the one side because it’s what we want to see. Searching for the other side may be hard or nearly impossible but if you put the effort in, you might find that the other side is much prettier than the side that was presented to you.”
Granddad stood and stared down at me with his brows dipped into a deep frown. I stayed silent as I waited for him to speak because I knew that he still had a few things to say.
“Like I said, I don’t know Lucas but what I do know is that not many guys—mate or not—are willing to put themselves in danger to protect someone they barely know. Yes, Lucas has an ulterior motive, but then why did he risk his life to save yours? Why did he fight for his mates instead of leaving you to get killed?”
His words echoed in my head long after he left.
Lucas left because he was planning on going through with the plan. I had believed that he didn’t care enough about us but now I wasn’t so sure. Granddad had a point, if he wanted to destroy us, why had he gone through so much trouble to protect us?
Granddad’s warning to tell Dad about what Lucas said flashed through my mind just as I was about to slide back into bed. I would tell Dad about it and then talk to him about the things Granddad had said. Maybe he would be able to help me make sense of things.