Chapter 22 Fight me
Rowan
Alicia's fingers trailed down my chest, her touch deliberate and slow. She pressed herself against me, her lips curving into that seductive smile that usually turned me on. But not this time.
"You seem so tense today," she purred, her hand moving lower. "Let me help you relax."
I stared at the ceiling, my body refusing to respond the way it should. My wolf stirred restlessly inside me, agitated in a way that had nothing to do with the woman currently draped over me.
"Rowan?" Alicia's voice pulled me back, though I wished it hadn't. "Are you even listening to me?"
"Yeah," I muttered, though we both knew it was a lie.
She shifted, straddling me now, her fingers working at the buttons of my shirt. "Then why do you look like you'd rather be anywhere else?"
Because I would be. The thought came unbidden, and I hated myself for it.
My wolf thrashed again, more violently this time. I couldn't shake the image of Lira in the pool, her body sinking beneath the water. The way my chest had constricted, like someone was ripping my insides out. The panic that had seized me when I dove in after her.
Why did I even care? I had rejected her. Cut the bond. She was nothing to me.
Except my wolf clearly didn't agree.
"Rowan!" Alicia's sharp tone snapped me back to reality. Her eyes flashed with irritation. "Seriously, what is wrong with you?"
I grabbed her wrist, stopping her movements. "I need to go for a walk."
She blinked, confusion replacing her annoyance. "What? Now?"
"Yeah. Now." I shifted her off me and sat up, running my fingers through my hair. "I need to clear my head."
Alicia's expression hardened. "Clear your head? We were just about to—"
"I know what we were about to do," I cut her off, reaching for my shirt. "I just need some air."
She crossed her arms, her jaw tight. "I'll come with you then."
"No."
The word came out harsher than I intended, and I saw the hurt flash across her face before she masked it with anger.
"No?" she repeated, her voice rising. "What do you mean, no?"
I stood, buttoning my shirt with more force than necessary. "I mean I need to be alone, Alicia. Is that so hard to understand?"
"Yes, actually, it is." She slid off the bed, standing in front of me with her hands on her hips. "You've been acting strange since yesterday night at the charity ball. Distant. Distracted. And at this point, I’m beginning to become irritated. I need to know what’s up with you."
I smoothed my shirt and waved her off. “It’s nothing.”
She stayed silent, and I thought that was it. I turned to leave, desperate because the room was suddenly suffocating. But then, she spoke. "It's her, isn't it?" Her tone was dripping with venom. "You're thinking about Lira."
"Don't be ridiculous." I moved past her toward the door, but she grabbed my arm.
"Am I being ridiculous, Rowan?" Her grip on my arm tightened like she’s trying to hold on tighter to me because she feels her hold is slipping. "You’re thinking about her.You, who spent months making her life miserable, is suddenly worried about her. I almost drowned too you know! And you’re not even giving me the attention I deserve."
I yanked my arm free. "You wouldn’t have been in the pool in the first place if you had stayed by my side." I snapped and noted the shock written on her face.
“I was by your side Rowan.” She yelled, throwing her hands around as she spoke.
“But you kept looking at her. You barely paid attention to me!”
“Bullshit!” I yelled and turned to leave, but her words stopped me.
"If it’s really bullshit, then look me in the eye and tell me you're not thinking about her right now."
I met her gaze, and kept my expression blank. "Why the hell would I be thinking about a bum?"
But even as the words left my mouth, my wolf snarled in protest. Alicia studied my face, searching for something I refused to give her.
"You're lying."
I didn't answer. I couldn't. Because deep down, in a place I refused to acknowledge, I knew she was right.
"I'm going for that walk," I said, my voice cold. "Don't follow me."
I left before she could respond, the door closing firmly behind me. I made my way through the halls and as I approached Lira’s door, I saw my father coming out of the room.
I waited till he left because I was dreading meeting him again after he yelled at me when we got back from the charity ball. As soon as he was gone, I walked to her door and I heard sobs coming from her room.
He must’ve either said something harsh to her or told her what her punishment for her misbehavior was. I should be happy and satisfied, but for some reason, I wasn’t.
My wolf was growing wild, thrashing and clawing to get closer to her. The restlessness that had been eating at me since yesterday suddenly made sense, and I hated it. Hated her for making me feel this way.
Frustration built in my chest, hot and suffocating. This wasn't supposed to happen. I had rejected her. The bond should be broken. So why did my wolf still react to her like she was mine?
Maybe the bond wasn't fully severed after all.
The thought sent a wave of anger through me. How could I still be tied to her? The omega who couldn't even shift. The weakest member of our pack. She wasn't worthy of me. She could never be worthy of me.
I forced myself to leave and went to the wine cellar. I needed a drink. I needed some air. And I desperately needed to vent my anger and frustration. I grabbed a bottle and went straight to the training grounds. Wine and fighting wasn’t exactly a good combination, but I needed both so fuck it. And besides, I wasn’t a lightweight.
As soon as I entered, all the new recruits bowed their head to me in reverence.
“Good afternoon, Master Rowan.”
I shoved the bottle which was now half in the hands of the one beside me. “You.” I pointed to another. “Fight me.”
I was going to beat this one black and blue.