Chapter 13 Pity
Lira
I made my way to Alpha Kael’s office shortly after breakfast. I was so angry at the way he simply dismissed me and stuck to his previous decision. Didn’t what I want matter?
I thought he said he cared about how I felt? Then why would he ask me to go with Rowan, knowing how I felt about it.
If he truly cared about me as he said, he wouldn’t just dismiss me like that. It wasn’t fair.
The door knob felt cold on my palm, and I should’ve realized it was a preamble to the cold man inside, but I didn’t care. I needed an explanation as to why he would even make that decision in the first place.
The corridor outside his office was eerily quiet, only the faint hum of the morning air drifting through the tall windows. My heart thudded loudly in my chest, each beat syncing with the sound of my heels clicking against the floor.
I pushed the door open, and walked in. My steps were hurried and angry, and I got even more irritated when he didn’t look up at me. He should have been able to sense me from a mile away. It was he just deliberately ignoring me and playing coy?
His head was bent over a pile of papers, his pen moving swiftly as though my presence was nothing but an interruption he couldn’t be bothered to acknowledge.
“Alpha Kael…” I started, but he cut me off. His voice was cold. Distant. And every bit of the Alpha he showed everyone else.
“What happened to knocking before entering?”
I opened my mouth but swallowed my words. I should have knocked. I was too angry to even remember. The air in the room felt charged, thick, and oppressive, like the calm before a thunderstorm.
“I’m sorry.” I muttered, my voice small. “I wanted to request that you changed your decision. I don’t want to go with Rowan, and I’m definitely fine with going alone.”
“There’s nothing to be changed. My decision is final.” His reply was so nonchalant that it grated on my nerves. I didn’t see why he was hell bent on making me go with my ex-mate. Knowing fully well that his son rejected me in a humiliating way.”
“I refuse to accept that Alpha Kael.”
He finally looked at me, his eyes were cold, and I could see anger swimming in them. “Are you questioning my decision?” He stood up, his towering frame making the room seem three times smaller. The Alpha aura radiated off him in waves, suffocating and heavy.
“N-no,” I stammered and took multiple steps back as he came forward. He looked scary and menacing. I realized that I may have stepped on the wrong foot. My back hit the wall before I even realized I was cornered. His scent, dark, woodsy, intoxicating, filled my lungs, confusing my fear with something much more terrifying,
He finally caught up to me, and he was so close now. His hands were around my neck, and I was pinned to the wall. I felt scared, but for some reason, also incredibly aroused. The heat from his body seeped into mine, even as his grip made me tremble.
“When I say you do something as your Alpha, you do it. You have no right to question me. Not now, not ever.” He increased his pressure and his eyes darkened as his anger consumed him.
“Don’t think because we’re mates, or because we fucked you now have the right to question my decision.”
Tears stung my eye but I blinked them back. He wasn’t the one saying those hurtful words. His anger was. I refused to believe that he was telling me what he actually felt. His voice cracked with a hint of something unspoken, pain, maybe, but he quickly masked it behind that Alpha command.
“Why don’t you want to go with Rowan? Afraid that you’ll lose control? Or that you’d finish what you started the other night?”
“Why would I lose control? The only thing I’ll lose if I go to that ball with Rowan, is my dignity. I’d rather go alone or not go at all.”
I wanted to tell him nothing happened that night, but I was curious to see how far he was willing to go with his accusations. But his next words shocked me.
“Lira, you lost your fucking dignity when you ran to me and begged me to fuck you. I don’t give a fuck about whatever is going on between the both of you. You will do what I say, and you won’t question it.”
I felt constricted and my breaths quickened as my eyes glistened with tears. I looked into his eyes and my heart broke even more. They were so indifferent. Was that really what he thought of me. What the intimate moment we had that night was? Pity fuck?
“So… you’re saying that you didn’t enjoy fucking me in the forest that night, and….” My voice broke but I carried on. “And you haven’t thought about it over and over again since then?”
He scoffed and released his hold on my neck. The sudden freedom made me gasp, my hand flying to my throat as if to reassure myself I could still breathe.
“Whatever we did. It was because you needed it. Not because you were special, not because you were my mate, and not because I wanted to.”
I bit my lip to try to stop the tears from flowing but it was futile. A tear had already rolled down both my cheek.
His gaze was expressionless and a little bit pitiful, and I couldn’t handle him looking at me like that. The silence that followed was deafening, just the sound of paper rustling as if my heartbreak was background noise.
“You’re lying.” I whispered, more to myself. I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t. Not when he held me so lovingly that night. We didn’t just have sex, he made love to me, and I felt it make the mate bond stronger, so why was he saying all this? Why was he talking to me like that?
“Believe whatever you want. I don’t have time for this. There are more pressing matters I need to attend to.” He returned to his seat. His steps were so quick like he needed to put some distance between himself and the pity fuck.
My heart squeezed painfully as he dismissively waved me off.
“You will go to the ball with Rowan as your date. Stop making it a big deal. The maid assigned to you will give you your dress.” He took his gaze off me and continued working through the stack of scattered paper of his desk. “Make sure you look alright because appearance is important. I don’t want anyone embarrassing me.”
I didn’t wait for him to tell me to go. I didn’t want to be in that study anymore, or in the same space as him for that matter. I kept replaying his words in my head, and each time, they stung harder and more painful. The walls seemed to close in as I turned and left, the echo of his voice still cutting into me like glass.
Even my mate didn’t think I was worthy of fighting for what I wanted. How lucky am I to have the life that I have.
The tears kept streaming down my face as I made my way to my room. All I wanted to lock myself again and cry my heart out. I was exhausted. Emotionally and physically. The hallways blurred as I walked, my vision clouded by tears I could no longer contain.
I furiously wiped my tears off my cheeks, but they just kept coming. My face was red and my eyes were beginning to swell from the crying. My chest hurt from trying to muffle the sobs that kept threatening to escape.
As I rounded the corner of the hall that led to my room, I bumped into my mum, and I wished I could just disappear. The last thing I wanted was for her to see me like this.
I knew she’d want to fight for me, but I didn’t want to be the cause of any issue that rose between her and Alpha Kael. I tried to play it off, but she stopped me.
“Lira… You’re crying. What’s wrong?”
Concern was written on her face, and it fueled the guilt even more. Her hands gently cupped my face, thumbs brushing over my damp cheeks.
How could I tell her that the reason I was so sad was because her husband just told me in the harshest way possible that he pity fucked me?