70. Hearts And Bones

~ Caspian ~

“You’re seriously doing this?” Caspian glared at his brother.

“You see any other better idea?” Killian replied challengingly.

“Yeah, we get rid of it,” Caspian said matter-of-factly. “Problem solved,”

Killian shook his head and sighed. Audrey was fast asleep for the night and the brothers were having a discussion out on the balcony. They made sure that the doors were closed so Audrey wouldn’t hear any of this. Killian just broke the news that he plans on marrying Audrey if the baby was his. Caspian thought it was a stupid plan. He believed a baby shouldn’t even be an option for them at this point.

“Maybe you’ve done this to other girls before, but this is Audrey we’re talking about,” Killian hissed and he glanced back at the door.

“I know,” Caspian replied.

“It’s different,”

“Trust me, I know,”

“So why are you so against this?”

Caspian stopped for a moment before answering. He was never fully on board with the idea of having kids from day one. He was a young man living in his prime. He figured children would only hold him back.

On top of that, Caspian’s childhood was far from pretty. People assumed he had a great and loving family, but that was not the case. Being born under the Vanderbilt name meant that he grew up with a lot of pressure that normal people wouldn’t have. There was no room for personal happiness and sentimental values. He was raised with only one objective in mind, to be as successful as one could be.

Caspian could never live up to that expectation and he wouldn’t want other people to have to go through that. If he had children, his kids would be subjected to the same scrutiny he endured. He didn’t like that idea.

Killian, on the other hand, was a success story. He came out as what his father and mother hoped Caspian could be. Sure, his childhood was tough too, but it made him who he was. But Caspian always said he was an exception. Not every kid would come out on top like Killian. For every Killian that was produced, there would be another Caspian out there who was miserable and hurting.

“This is not the time for a baby, Kill,” Caspian let out a long sigh. “We need to deal with fúcking Cavanaugh first. And then we get ourselves settled. And then maybe we can start thinking about babies,”

Caspian couldn’t rest easy knowing there was someone out there looking to steal his most prized possession. Anthony was a threat that they must wipe out. And if what people said was true, that he was involved with the Russian mob, Anthony was a lot more dangerous than they thought.

In Caspian’s mind, getting rid of Anthony Cavanaugh was the number one priority. His very existence was threatening everything Caspian wanted in his life, which was to be with Audrey. Only after Anthony was taken out that Caspian would feel safe enough to start thinking about other things.

Like stupid babies.

“Life doesn’t really work that way, you know?” Killian replied as if he could read his brother’s mind. “You can’t plan everything like that,”

“Says the guy who plans everything,” Caspian scoffed.

“And look where it got me,” Killian said meaningfully.

Killian was the master of plans. He would see far into the distance and plan his steps ahead of time. He did that when he saw Audrey and Caspian getting engaged. He saw too far into the future and he made plans that ended up sabotaging everything.

“Sometimes the best plan is just to go with the flow. Be open to change. See where life is leading us,” Killian said again. He paused for a beat before adding, “I learned that from you, you know?”

Caspian rolled his eyes. Going with the flow was always his motto. Caspian found it ironic that he was turning into his brother and Killian was using his line against him.

“So what are you saying? We just put everything on pause?” he asked.

“Everything’s on pause until the baby gets here,” Killian said firmly.

Caspian was not satisfied. He clenched his jaw and he banged his fist against the balcony railing. It would take them seven to eight months before the baby gets here, and he was supposed to do nothing until then.

I can’t wait that long.

“Cas, stop fighting it,” Killian said again. “And stop using Anthony Cavanaugh as an excuse,”

Caspian turned his head instinctively. He narrowed his eyes and waited for Killian to continue.

“You’re just trying to run away from the real problem. Anthony’s not going anywhere and Audrey’s safe with us. This baby is about our future and it’s more important. We deal with this and we’ll deal with him later,”

Ouch, it’s like he can read me like a book.

Although Caspian hated admitting it, Killian was right. Caspian didn’t want to deal with the baby situation and he was using Anthony as a distraction. As embarrassing as it may be, Caspian was way more afraid of a tiny little baby than a grown man with ties to the Russian mob.

“Cas, this is happening,” Killian put a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “You have to accept it,”

Caspian let out another long sigh and threw his gaze up at the sky. It was a full moon tonight and the stars were shining bright. He was shaking his head a little, somewhat cursing God for throwing this unexpected curveball into his life.

“If the baby’s mine, it’s gonna have shit for a dad,” Caspian muttered lowly.

“Let’s just hope it’s not yours then,” Killian stifled a dry laugh.

“Fúck you,”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

And so the waiting game begins.

Another week had passed and the five of them were living harmoniously at Audrey’s Hampton home. She hadn’t told her dad what was happening for fear it might impact his health. They were going to continue living like this until she reached the ninth week of her pregnancy and the doctor could do a DNA test.

If the baby turned out to be his, Killian planned to marry Audrey. He would do this so Audrey’s good name would be maintained. Also, so that the baby would get the Vanderbilt name and all the privilege that comes with it. This wouldn’t change anything about the nature of their relationship. They were still going to live together and live happily ever after.

Caspian, however, had a slightly different plan. If the baby was his, he didn’t want it to have the Vanderbilt name. He believed it would be better for the baby to have the freedom he never had. He didn’t mind having the baby and raising it with Audrey and Killian, but he wanted the baby to be kept a secret so it could grow up like normal people do.

“You do realize there’s nothing normal about this,” Killian mocked his plan. “A baby’s gonna be born into a strange family with two fathers and a mother,”

“Yeah, but I still think that’s better than being a Vanderbilt,” Caspian clapped back.

No matter what they chose to do in the end, there was no ‘normal’ option. This baby would be born into a crazy world with a crazy group of people raising it. Caspian could already imagine how chaotic it would be, but Audrey didn’t see it. All she saw was a future full of hope and love.

Audrey heard both plans from Caspian and Killian, and she thought either one would be good. She knew that both plans came from a good heart and her baby would be loved no matter what. That was all that mattered to her.

“Screw being normal,” she said. “It’s overrated anyway,”

Caspian was taken aback when she said that. That was something that Caspian would say, but Audrey was taking the words right out of his mouth. Ever since he realized a baby was going to come into their lives, Caspian was scared shitless. A part of him was scared that the baby would be an added burden into their already complicated lives. But mostly, Caspian was so afraid of not being good enough. He was never a good enough son. He didn’t have the best role model for a dad. Caspian was afraid he’d be a shitty father and no child of Audrey deserves that.

Caspian kept this thought to himself. He continued living like everything was okay, but every day he was living with this anxiety. He looked at Audrey sometimes and he wondered how she could be so calm about everything.

How is she not scared of this?

Audrey was such a champion. Some days she still woke up with morning sickness and her body was always sore and tired, but she never complained. Not even once. Caspian could see that the pregnancy was taking its toll on her, but she never made it look like the baby was a problem. In fact, she looked almost happy to have to go through this.

“Don’t worry about me, I’m okay,” she smiled after she came out of the bathroom one morning. She had just puked her guts out, but she was smiling like it was nothing.

“I think we should call the doctor again,” Caspian said with worry in his eyes. “Is it normal for this to happen so often?”

Audrey shook her head and laughed. “It’s perfectly normal and I’m perfectly fine,” she said reassuringly. Then she stepped closer to Caspian and put her arms around him. She didn’t want him to worry, so her hug was saying that.

Caspian let out a sigh. If it were up to him, he wouldn’t choose to put Audrey through this ordeal. But this was her choice and he’d follow her anywhere. He’d do anything and everything for her, he promised her that. So Caspian didn’t say another word and he only hugged her back.

And maybe she’s right… maybe everything will be perfectly fine.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Several more days had passed and Audrey was now in the seventh week of her pregnancy. She didn’t have a bump or anything like that. The doctor said the baby was about the size of a blueberry. But Audrey was feeling bloated and Caspian noticed her boobs were getting bigger.

Maybe I’m just shallow, but that’s probably what I like the most about her being pregnant.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Audrey caught him gawking at her. She had just come out of the shower, wearing nothing but her underwear. She grabbed a robe and draped it over her body.

“Nothing,” Caspian muttered quickly.

Oh yeah. I am shallow.

Audrey stared at him with a confused look and shrugged. She then climbed onto the bed next to him and Caspian opened his arms. Audrey rested her head on Caspian’s chest and her hand was busy with the remote. She was flipping through the channels, but Caspian wasn’t paying attention. He couldn’t stop staring at her chest.

“Seriously, why do you keep staring at me like that?” Audrey caught him again. She narrowed her eyes at him like a hawk.

“I wasn't staring,” he lied.

“Yeah, right,” she rolled her eyes and turned her face back to the TV.

Caspian swallowed hard. He knew he needed to distract himself.

“Where’s Killian?” he said.

“He went to the store. He thinks I need more vitamins,” she answered.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m feeling great,”

“Are you sure?”

Audrey turned her face to him and smiled.

“I’m cuddling with you and watching Dirty Dancing,” she paused for a beat before adding, “I feel perfect,”

Caspian smiled back. He kissed the top of her head and her eyes went back to the TV. She was watching the scene where Baby and Johnny were practicing in the studio. Johnny was being so playful and cute. Audrey couldn’t help but smile.

“Gosh, Patrick Swayze is so hot,” she sighed.

“Oh, please,” Caspian rolled his eyes.

“Look at him! Look at how he dances. No girl is gonna say no to that,” Audrey argued, pointing at the TV.

“He looks ridiculous,” Caspian laughed mockingly. “He looks like a gay construction worker,”

“You’re just jealous because he can dance like that and you can't,” Audrey crossed her arms.

“I’m jealous of that?” Caspian scoffed. “Yeah, right,”

Audrey rolled her eyes and continued watching. They were watching the movie in silence for a few minutes. Caspian was caressing her arms soothingly. Suddenly, Audrey looked up at him, and her gaze turned a little sad.

“Hey, Cas,” she said.

“Huh?”

“I know this isn’t what you want...” she paused for a moment, referring to her being pregnant. “You don’t have to be around for this if you don’t want to… I mean, I’m not gonna force you to,”

Caspian narrowed his eyes sharply at her.

“Hey,” he said as he cupped her cheek. “I want what you want,”

“Cas…”

“I’m serious,” he said again. “I don’t know what I want in my life until I met you,”

Audrey looked at him for the longest time with a look he couldn’t decipher. A small smile twitched on her lips and her eyes turned even more glassy. Then she put a hand on his cheek and her thumb was gently caressing his skin.

“I hope the baby will have your heart,” she whispered. “You have the best heart,”

Caspian didn’t know what she meant by that, but his heart was doing the summersaults. Her words made him feel warm and big, like he was the biggest man on the planet.

“C’mere,” he said as he got up from the bed.

“What are you doing?”

Caspian took out his phone and played a slow love song. He put the phone down on the nightstand and Audrey watched in confusion as he stretched his hand at her.

“I’m asking you to dance with me,” he smirked.

Audrey narrowed her eyes at him, but her lips were curving up a smile.

“But I thought you said you don’t slow dance?” she asked.

“Like I said, I don’t really know what I want until I met you,” Caspian took her hand and pulled her closer. He rested his other hand on the small of her back and began swaying her body gently along with the music.

“And now I wanna dance with my girl,”

Audrey couldn’t stop blushing and giggling. She buried her face into Caspian’s chest as he continued moving with her. Caspian didn’t know what he was feeling at this moment, but there was no fear or doubt. There was only love and there was so much love. It made him feel like anything was possible. And anything would beautiful as long as he got to hold her hand.

I love her and I’ll love everything else she loves. Everything. Including a baby.

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- - - - - To Be Continued - - - - -