That Isn't My Reality

That Isn't My Reality
Mara

Kaelith’s hands remains on my face for another second before I gently pull away, taking a step back.

My body craves his touch, the absence of it cold. But if I let myself, I’d probably take him away from here. To somewhere private where I can climb onto his lap and stay there for the rest of the day. To pretend that none of these outside forces exist. 

The thought almost makes me laugh.

To imagine that just last week he had appeared in my apartment, looming over me like a nightmare come to life. Now the only thing I want is to stay close.

I take a slow breath, muttering to myself. “Everything is okay.”

None of the guys move. They kind of just watch me in absolute stillness. 

“Everything is fine.”

I try to slow my breathing, repeating the words in my head. I was with Kaelith, and survived that. More than survived, actually. I loved every second of it, except when we would have to leave each other’s arms. 

I was with Rhydan too, and that was good. It was different, but intoxicating in its own way. 

I take another breath, feeling the shiver that runs down my spine. 

“It’s going to be fine, others have done this before me, I’ll be okay.”

Kaelith tilts his head as he listens to my rambling, but the rest remain just as still as before. No one says anything, so I keep the mental conversation with myself. 

They know what they’re doing. No one is trying to hurt me. No one is forcing me.

In that moment, my eyes drift toward Nerion. The magic inside me pulses, a response to the brightness of his violet eyes. 

It’s not just a gentle buzz, or a hum. It’s intense, a pull that’s almost painful. I press a hand to my chest, grimacing as I take in what the magic is pushing toward.

My stomach drops.

Nerion’s shoulders tense, his entire body going rigid. A sharp breath leaves him, nostrils flaring as he takes in my scent. I’s combined with his, oranges and honey filling the room. 

The sensation in the pit of my stomach feels like a rope tightening around my waist, tugging me forward. Toward him.

Nerion takes a step toward me, and my heart leaps into my throat.

“Wait.”

Nerion stops immediately, but the tension in his body remains. His hands curl into fists at his sides, clearly struggling to hold back. His jaw flexes. But he remains footed. 

Relief crashes through me so hard my knees nearly give out. I’m not afraid of him, I’m not afraid of this. I just don’t feel ready. 

I need a second. A moment to wrap my head around the fact that the magic has opinions and the power to influence my actions. 

Nerion studies me for a long moment before inclining his head. It looks as if it pains him. 

The formal response only makes me feel worse, and guilt twists in my chest.

I look away, my eyes landing on the map spread across the table.

My gaze lifts to Kaelith. “How fast did the bonding happen with Seris?”

The room goes still, making me swallow the lump in my throat. Kaelith’s expression softens, sensing the way my body seems to tense. 

“It didn’t happen like this.”

I blink. “What?”

A small frown pulls at his brow. “The bonding happened over years.”

My eyes widen. Years?

Nerion pushes off the wall and folds his arms across his chest. “Seris grew up here.”

I look at him.

“She was raised in the Queen’s court. We knew that she would be the Oracle, that the magic would ignite in her when she turned twenty-one.”

“She might not have felt the oracle magic until then, but from what I’ve seen, our realm is much more open about sexuality,” Kaelith continues.

My stomach twists. “So, you all were… with her… slept with her… before the magic made her want you?”

All four look confused, as if the answer should be obvious. 

“Of course we were,” Rhydan says.

The room tilts slightly. I stare at him, then Nerion, then Thane, then Kaelith.

Heat floods my face. “Oh.”

Seris hadn’t needed the magic to be with them. And even as I had convinced myself to not feel guilty, hearing about Seris makes something uncomfortable twist inside me.

She hadn’t needed a bond demanding intimacy. She had simply... wanted them, and felt comfortable enough with it. 

I lower my eyes to my hands.

Part of me wishes I could say the same, that I had met them under different circumstances. That I had been able to grow up here and gotten to know them through the years. 

But that isn’t my reality. The magic is here, alive with the need for us to bond. Whether I like it or not, it is a part of me. 

A pulse rolls through my body. Warm and insistent. The pull returns, stronger this time. My gaze lifts straight to Nerion, and I find his violet eyes are already on me.

Waiting.

The magic stretches between us. I feel it, feel him as if his hands were already all over me. 

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. 

When I open my eyes again, I find Nerion still watching me.

I nod. “Okay.”

Nerion moves slowly. 

He simply closes the distance between us with the same quiet confidence he seems to bring to everything. The magic inside me responds, the buzzing beneath my skin growing warmer with every step he takes.

When he reaches me, he pauses, giving me time. His hand rises to cup my cheek, and I find myself leaning into the touch before I can stop myself.

His lips brush my forehead first. It’s gentle, but the contact sends another pulse through the bond.

“Let him in.”

The voice drifts through my mind

Nerion’s thumb strokes across my cheekbone as his violet eyes search mine. The warmth spreads through my chest, through my veins, until it feels impossible to tell where I end and the magic begins.

And then, without warning, my gaze shifts. Past Nerion and toward Thane. The larger vampire is standing near the wall exactly where he’s been this entire time.

Gold eyes meet mine. The pull to him isn’t as strong, but it’s there. 

Thane’s expression tightens slightly, as though he feels it too.

Nerion’s lip lifts in a quiet smirk, and I know then that he notices it all.