Chapter 66 He is never going to know about this child.
Amarien's POV
"Messanger if whom? The gods?" I spat boldly. "Perhaps they are here to finish the works that you humans dared not. Perhaps the gods aren't so cowardly after all."
Zephyr smiled and tucked his hands into his silk robe.
I couldn't tell why this man's presence unsettled me so much. Could it be that it was because he was once a voice of my conscience? That voice that warned me not to taste the forbidden apple.
That voice that warned me of my fate and the dread to come if I continued with Daevir. That voice that cursed me as I enjoyed all the pleasures Daevir had to give.
That voice that gnawed at me the moment before I was caught, while I wandered in the garden, wishing for the impossible and damning the consequences.
"I can't believe I thought I would be queen." I scoffed bitterly.
Zephyr sighs, his eyes in the room where Daevir now stood alone. Catherine had left the room.
"I told you it was a bad idea." He said again. "I've lived long enough to see Slaves wish to be kings and concubines, Queen. What they both forget is that the gods have a plan and a place for them. But they, despite it willing, the gods' offer to give them things they will never be able to control and, in so doing, bring grave consequences on themselves."
"I was terrified as a concubine. I never wanted to be here," I said as tears rolled down my face. "All I wanted was to be in my grandmother's garden picking up herbs and saving lives as she did. I didn't ask to be brought here."
Zephyr nodded like he absorbed every word I spoke. "Well spoken, Amarien. But you had a choice. You had your destiny spread out right in front of you."
Zephyr stopped registering the gravity of his words.
"You could have been Queen. Just not his Queen."
Tears rolled down my face. Tears of regret.
"Why do I have to suffer for decisions we both made?"
"The world has always been unfair, Amarien. Look at the corpse of that man in the room. He hurt and destroyed several children's life yet look at him lying there in peace, revered and mourned for by the very son who hates him."
"Don't I deserve better? I've never hurt anyone. All I wanted was to love and be loved."
Zephyr looked at me for a moment and sighed, returning his gaze to the room.
"Life is unfair, Amarien. Sometimes the innocent carry higher consequences than the guilty,"
"So you know I'm innocent," I said, almost pleadingly.
Zephyr turned to me again, his eyes studying me. "You are. But certainly not guiltless."
I turned my eyes to the room. He was right, and that gnawed at me more than anything else. The fact that I deserve the fate that was coming for me.
I watched Daevir in the darkness, looking down at his father's corpse. I was the last thing on his mind. Perhaps he had even forgotten about me: left me at the corners of his mind were only thoughts of trivial pleasures and wasted moments dwelt.
Trivial pleasures and wasted moments that will now cost me my life, and him nothing.
My hands lowered to my stomach. He still needs to know about this child. Maybe the moments aren't so trivial after all. They brought this joy to my life. I rested my hand on my stomach, feeling my baby kick.
"Amarien," Zephyr called, bringing me back to the room. "You need to embrace your fate without bitterness. It will help to make things easier."
My hands clutched the railing.
And a thought blazed in my mind. A thought I never thought would hold so much truth.
I had been fighting against my fate the moment I came into this palace. My fate was with the emperor. To warm his bed and be his Queen, but somehow I did everything I could to avoid that. I fought this battle, blindingly and all by myself, hoping for some victory that won't bring me to a tragedy end.
I scoffed. Behold my victory. Ashes and nothing.
I shut my eyes, fighting back tears lest I fall into despair. "What's next?" I asked Zephyr.
Zephyr sighs again. "Everyone in the kingdom recognises you as a mortal enemy, Amarien. Nothing I or anyone can change that."
"Where will I go from here?" I asked almost pleadingly. I felt my heart break at my words because I had finally given in.
Cunning old Zephyr has brought me to a place where he wanted. A place of letting go. Letting go that Daevir will never look at me again, he will never accept me, nor will he know about this child.
Telling him about this child will be as good as pouring salt over a fresh wound. It will bring nothing but pain and suffering.
My hands clasped my stomach. All I want is to protect this child. Where could I go to do that when everyone hates me?
A singular gnawing thought crossed my mind. Maybe Zephyr could tell I am pregnant. Maybe they could all tell Daevir was responsible for this child, yet they conspired to keep me from him so he never looks back at me.
If this was Zephyr's goal, he is doing a good job of it. Now, I swear on my grandmother's grave that Daevir will not know about this child. I will protect the child myself. But how?
I opened my eyes and saw Zephyr's eyes were on me, and Daevir had begun walking out of the room.
I turned to Zephyr as if pleading for my life. "Where will I go from here?" I repeated.
"You will go where all concubines go when the Emperor dies."
The hair at the back of the head rose. As if that wasn't enough, guards appeared out of the darkness, flanking Zephyr from side to side, looking at me menacingly.
Quickly, my eyes shot to Daevir as if asking for help. But he had his back turned against me.
I fought to escape, but the guards were already surrounding me and pinning chains to my hands.
"No! Let go of me! I'm not going to the Nunnery!" I screeched and fought.
"You will, Amarien." Zephyr's voice was firm and low. "That is your fate. And you will never be able to fight it this time!"
"Let go of me!" I managed to snatch my hands off one of the guards and kicked the other in the groin.
"The only place for you is the nunnery, far from the palace, Amarien," Zephyr said almost pleadingly. "Can't you see? If you leave on time, you won't be killed ruthlessly. You will stay far from this palace and Daevir till the day of your death."
"Daevir! Daevir!" I called out to him in the darkness, but his back was turned against me.
"Daevir! You won't do this to me! Save me! They are taking me away!" I called out as multiple guards surrounded me, pinning me to the floor.
My eyes caught Daevir moving, walking further into the darkness.
Had my voice not been loud enough?
Did he hear me?
Did he pretend not to hear me?!
"Daevir!"
The guards, consumed by bitterness, kicked me and began dragging me out of the room. I clawed, cried and screeched in the darkness but got no response.
"Daevir!!!"