Chapter 8 I’m Not Enough
"I—” she started, but the rest never came.
Then he stood abruptly. Not because he wanted to leave, if anything, every part of him ached to crawl back into that bed, wrap her in his arms, and kiss her until she forgot every reason she’d cried tonight. But this wasn’t about what he wanted. She was vulnerable, hurting, and he… he didn’t want to take advantage of that.
He forced himself to look at her one last time. She’d curled in on herself, eyes dull again, likely feeling the sting of rejection.
His chest ached, but he couldn’t risk it. Couldn’t risk taking advantage of her pain. Couldn’t risk wanting her more than he already did.
So without another word, without another glance, Maddox walked out, shutting the door quietly behind him.
Maddox rested his head against her door, he could hear the sobs coming from within and knew just how rejected and forlorn she must have felt.
Under normal circumstances, he would never reject her, but he knew what would happen if he let her kiss him.
He would have kissed her back, they’d tumble onto the bed, their clothes would come off and then…
He rubbed his palm over his face and pushed away from the door, he walked down the stairs and out of the house, closing the door behind him. The moment it shut behind him. His palm pressed hard over his chest, gripping his shirt as if he could steady the frantic pounding beneath it. His lungs worked too fast, dragging in air that didn't feel like enough.
The kiss scene kept replaying on a loop in his head.
Funny thing about Grace, she’d always seen him as something of an older brother and he’d seen her as a little sister… up to some point. He adored her, but he couldn’t solve her problems, so wanting her for himself would be way too selfish.
He dragged a hand over his face. "Idiot," he muttered.
He could picture her confusion, her sadness even her softness. He could practically see the tears filling up her eyes. Grace was someone who felt everything too intensely, It was what made her strong and able to handle herself in situations. And, it was also why he needed to stay away.
He pushed off the wall and stepped outside, letting the night air hit him like a slap, he welcomed the cold for what it was it was the reminder that when making decisions, he had to use his head, not his heart. The cold was always a reminder…
He walked down the steps of the porch, knuckles pale as he clenched his fists.
So what did it matter if Grace had kissed him?
She had been vulnerable, shaking and fresh from the humiliation Vance had put her through at the club. She probably would have clung to anyone who felt safe in that moment, if they had given her a little semblance of comfort.
‘What if I hadn’t shown up in time?’ He kept rolling the question around in his head and he fought the urge to slam his hands into anything as he walked the same path to where he lived.
A house he shared and lived in with his uncle, it was a little two-room house with a garage where he constantly worked. People trusted him and brought their cars to him this he was able to make a little living for himself.
He found he was always good with cars and knew how to make a very rusted and dead engine purr like a new one.
Though it was an honest living, it wasn’t enough because even if he took Grace and ran and eventually made it out of town, what then?
Her mother’s treatment wouldn’t continue because Vance would surely throw a tantrum, demanding to be reimbursed and Sarah could die because of his foolishness while Grace accumulated a lifelong debt.
She would never forgive herself.
Maddox swallowed hard and shut his eyes as he had current pressing matters at hand.
Pressing matters like the one threatening to break out of his jeans and it was quite uncomfortable to move.
That damn kiss.
Maddox hurried up the porch stairs and into his house he went straight to his bathroom, stripped down and immediately headed to the shower, turning on the tap for a very cold spray.
He could see his cock already erect and at attention, its tip was already leaking pre-cum and was painful to touch.
He got like this all because of a simple kiss, though the kiss was not just from anyone. It was from Grace, his best friend, the girl he had always seemed to control himself around.
And now? Now he couldn’t control himself from getting turned on by a simple kiss, how pathetic.
He touched himself and the thought of Grace flashed through his mind he knew it was wrong but couldn’t stop himself. So he struggled to keep his thoughts of her about the kiss—nothing more.
He stroked himself faster, not quite feeling the icy water spraying him as his whole body felt really hot.
Maddox stroked faster chasing his high as he imagined it was a softer hand instead that was wrapped around him.
He remembered her expression when she kissed him, how she had pressed herself against him. Though the kiss happened only in mere seconds it was enough to send him into a spiral.
He remembered the feel of her body when she ground against him and nipped his bottom lip, that was enough for his world to shatter he jerked as he felt wave after wave of pleasure till he’d spurted every last drop out.
His breathing was ragged as he watched his cock finally go limp.
He scoffed at the sight, wondering if he was a two-minute type of man.
Maddox’s thoughts attempted to stray but before he could get hard again, he quickly dispelled the thought and focused more on taking a shower.
By the time he got out of the shower with his towel around his waist, he had a tattoo on his left hip, a crest of some sort.
He was pulling out clothes from his drawer to wear when his phone began ringing.
He almost ignored it until he saw the name. It was
Grant Ainsley. Grace's father.
His heart kicked hard. Part of it out of anger that the older man couldn’t have found a better husband for Grace.
Maddox straightened and watched the phone stop ringing as he wasn’t fast enough in picking it up, then a message followed.
Grant was asking to meet with him and he had also typed in the message that he shouldn’t tell Grace.
Grant rarely called or messaged him. So what did the man want?