Chapter 24 — Sebastian

Douglas’ office was cute. It wasn’t huge and sprawling, like Sebastian imagined an executive’s office would be, but it wasn’t a cramped cubicle either. There was a window, and a desk, and a comfortable office chair. There were filing cabinets and a tall potted tree of origins Sebastian couldn’t recognize.

He placed Ian’s car seat on Douglas’ desk, then dropped into his chair and spun in slow circles. The room blurred around him.

So this was what it was like to work in corporate. It was nice. The internship he’d done in the accounting firm had felt different—a lot quieter, for starters, but a lot less glamorous, too.

Sebastian brought himself to a stop and swiveled in the chair until he faced the window. They were up a good distance, the streets so far below that he could see for several blocks. It was a shame that Douglas was under so much stress while on the job, because Sebastian could see him truly enjoying the office if only he was able to loosen up a little.

But stress and executive positions went hand in hand.

With a yawn, Sebastian lifted his arms over his head and stretched. Ian made a chirping, gurgling noise that Sebastian took to mean he was happy. Sebastian wheeled over and looked down at Ian as Ian looked up at him with his big blues. Sebastian couldn’t wait for the day when his eyes started to change color. Douglas and Ian already looked so similar that Sebastian couldn’t imagine Ian with anything other than murky green eyes.

One day, the little boy in the car seat was going to break a lot of hearts.

Sebastian smiled.

“How much longer do you think your dad is going to be?” he asked Ian. “He said that is shouldn’t be long, but I don’t trust him. You know how he likes to come home late.”

Ian blew a spit bubble. Sebastian wheeled away to fish in his diaper bag for a wipe. He came back and cleaned Ian’s face, then grinned at him with a goofy kind of adoration that sprang from deep within his soul.

“You know you’ve got it good when you have grown men wiping your face for you.” Sebastian shook his head. “You’ve got us wrapped around your little finger, don’t you?”

Ian reached for something Sebastian couldn’t see. Sebastian extended his finger, and Ian clamped down on it and tugged. He was starting to get strong. Over the last few days, Sebastian had noticed him starting to squirm. It wouldn’t be long before he rolled over, and from there, it would only be a matter of time until he was crawling.

“You’re going to give me a run for my money, aren’t you? You’ve been good so far, but I bet it’s only because you’re saving it up for when you’re mobile.”

Ian jammed a hand into his mouth and chewed.

“And your teeth are going to start erupting, aren’t they?” Sebastian laughed. He wheeled himself slowly back and forth, looking down at Ian while he kept his legs busy. He’d never thought he could fall in love with another man’s child, but Ian proved him wrong. Everything about him was adorable—even when he kept Sebastian up at night.

For a while, he played with Ian, testing his reflexes and introducing him to new objects and textures. One of Ian’s favorite things to play with was anything that crinkled, but he didn’t often have a chance to enjoy because his second favorite thing was stuffing the source of the crinkling in his mouth. Without close supervision, it was a choking hazard. But now, with nothing else to do but engage Ian while they waited for Douglas, Sebastian let him play with the material from his wet wipes bag while Sebastian held it firmly.

Ten minutes went by before the door opened. Sebastian looked up, smiling. When he saw Douglas, the smile faded.

Douglas’ eyes were void of emotion, and his lips were stretched thin.

“You need to take Ian home, Sebastian. I’ll be about twenty minutes behind you.”

“Are you okay?” Sebastian wheeled back and stood. He didn’t take his eyes off Douglas. “You’re not looking so with it right now…”

“Please, just go. We can talk at home. I don’t have a lot of time.”

Something was very wrong. Sebastian found himself holding his breath. He didn’t know what the meeting was about, but he knew the struggles Douglas had been through recently. He assumed that Douglas had just been handed more work, and he was doing his best not to explode.

“Okay. We’ll be waiting for you.” Sebastian tossed the bag of wet wipes back in the diaper bag and was zipping it when the door opened again. He was about to hoist the bag up and drape it over his shoulder before he noticed the man standing in the doorway.

Sebastian’s heart leapt into his throat and his feet rooted to the floor.

Kenneth.

Kenneth’s gaze locked on him, and he looked Sebastian over like he was a piece of meat. Sebastian shrunk away, hoping against hope that he could disappear.

Kenneth wouldn’t remember him, would he? They’d only seen each other twice, and each time had been dreadful. And if he did remember, he’d have the tact not to bring up their past, wouldn’t he? Kenneth was as bound by the stigma as Sebastian was.

“Well, look at this.” Kenneth laughed. He was looking at Sebastian, not Douglas. “Here I come to make sure you’re not fucking things up before you get the hell out, and what do I find? The man you’re fucking up.”

Please don’t do this. Please, have some decency.

“Watch your mouth,” Douglas snarled.

“Why?” Kenneth’s eyes narrowed. They darted from Sebastian to Douglas, and all Sebastian could do was watch. “I know about who he is, Douglas. If I hadn’t fired you before, I would have fired you now. Bringing your pseudo-family into the office? Playing pretend on company time? How much are you paying him to be your boyfriend? Did you think it would make me jealous?”

Sebastian knew he should have been mortified. His past was behind him, and he was working toward a better future. To have it drawn out in front of the man he had such strong feelings for was terrifying.

But to hear that Douglas had been fired? It stole his selfish fears away. His heart ached for the man at his side. Sebastian knew how hard Douglas had worked for his job, how much time and energy he devoted to it. To be let go now was cruel.

“What in the hell are you talking about?” Douglas demanded. He stepped forward, putting himself between Kenneth and Sebastian. “Sebastian isn’t being paid to play family.”

“Sebastian?” Kenneth roared with laughter. He clutched his stomach, shoulders hunching. “Oh, god. Is that what you’re going by these days? Aidan didn’t suit you anymore?”

There was nothing redeeming about this conversation. Sebastian lowered his gaze, wishing he could sink through the floor. All his secrets were coming to light at the worst possible time. Douglas didn’t need to be burdened with his past when he’d just lost his job. It was a conversation for a quiet time, when Sebastian could be open and honest about the things he’d done to support himself.

Not now. Not from Kenneth’s filthy mouth.

“You need to stop.” Sebastian’s voice trembled. He stepped around Douglas, finding courage he didn’t know he had. “You’ve done your damage. Why are you still here? Are you really so hateful that you want to rub it in?”

“You’ve got a lot to say all of a sudden, don’t you?” Kenneth’s gaze locked with his. Sebastian wanted to shrink back, but he knew that no one would stand up for his reputation but him. It wasn’t Douglas’ job. Douglas didn’t know. “Where was that mouth when I wanted to take you out again? When I wanted to pay you to wrap those lips around my cock?”

Disgust curled in Sebastian’s stomach. “I don’t sleep with clients. I was clear about that many, many times with you. I stopped answering your calls because you couldn’t get it through your thick head!”

“Sebastian?” Douglas’ voice was hardened, but it bore notes of confusion.

Sebastian couldn’t take back what he’d said now. The secret was coming to light.

“I dumped your ass because I deserved better. It looks like Douglas does, too. I thought you were just an asshole to me because you were twisted, but I guess it runs deeper than that, doesn’t it? It runs a hell of a lot deeper.”

“Sebastian?” Douglas repeated, firmer this time.

“Douglas isn’t paying me to be his boyfriend.” Sebastian balled his fists. “He doesn’t need to. He’s a remarkable man who deserves all the love in the world, and who will never need to pay a cent to get it.”

“You think so?” Kenneth smirked. “So the hooker is in love with the unlovable family man.”

“I’m not a hooker!” Sebastian’s whole face was hot. The heat crept down his neck and made his shirt feel stuffy. “How many times do I have to tell you? I wasn’t, and I will never be.”

“So you’re a professional cock-tease, then.” Kenneth clucked his tongue. He took an intimidating step forward, closing some of the distance between them until Sebastian felt unsafe. “A little redheaded cock-tease who promises the world and then doesn’t deliver.”

Douglas was silent. Sebastian knew what he had to be thinking. He didn’t want it to come between them, but how could he expect anything else? Kenneth was making him sound like a whore.

“I was a sugar baby.” Sebastian’s hands trembled both in fear and rage. He hadn’t wanted his secret to come out like this. “You paid me to take me out on dates and be your companion for the evening. You never paid for my body. My body was not for sale.”

“So just your soul, then.” Kenneth chuckled. “How many other men did you sell yourself to? How many laps did you sit on? How many arms did you snuggle up into? How many lips did you kiss?”

Sebastian’s heart beat out of fear. He felt Douglas’ gaze bore into him from behind.

Kenneth took another step forward, standing so close Sebastian could smell the hint of his cologne. The notes of it turned his stomach.

“At least when you were a sugar baby, you made it clear that your love was for sale. If my darling cousin doesn’t know about your past, then I’ll take it you’ve moved on to gold-digging. I applaud you for your business model. Finding a gay, unlovable man in desperate need of companionship, then latching onto him so he starts funneling you money. How much have you siphoned out of Douglas so far? How much more are you looking for? You know, if you want to bend over my desk, we can arrange to have that amount transferred into your accounts. You don’t have to suckle on my cousin’s tit to get what you want when you could have a quick, messy fuck and be done with it.”

Mortification tore Sebastian to shreds. His mind was frozen, hung up on the hurtful, hateful words Kenneth spewed. It was so wrong. Kenneth was twisting the facts to make them ugly, to drag Sebastian through the mud.

“So why don’t you ditch Sebastian and choose a new name? I think you’d make a good Finn, don’t you? And once you’re Finn, we can go back to my office, and you can make me happy.”

Sebastian couldn’t take it. Tears beaded in his eyes. It was too much.

Douglas wasn’t going to want him now, and Kenneth wasn’t giving him a chance to defend himself. Every time Sebastian tried to tell the truth, Kenneth reflected and reframed reality.

He couldn’t keep going like this. He couldn’t stay here.

Sebastian’s feet moved of their own accord. He pushed past Kenneth and bolted from Douglas’ office. By the elevator was a stairwell, and despite the long trip down, he ran for it.

He couldn’t stay here. He couldn’t face the secrets he’d tried to keep buried.

He’d betrayed Douglas by hiding the truth, and now it had come to bite him in the ass. Whatever rejection and heartbreak came next, he deserved.

The happy family he’d wanted so badly wouldn’t want him now that they knew. Sebastian had closed and locked the doors to his own happiness before he’d seen what lay beyond them, and he regretted it deeply.

Heartbreak stung worse than failure. For as long as he lived, he didn’t think he would forget a pain like that.