Chapter 22 — Sebastian

Douglas came through the front door a few minutes after ten that evening. Sebastian heard the front door open, and he picked his head up from the couch to watch Douglas stalk across the living room and head directly for the kitchen.

He didn’t even say hello.

It was no secret that there was bad blood between them, but Sebastian was astonished at Douglas’ frigid distance. Douglas was, at times, a little curt, but never like that.

Sebastian picked himself up from the couch and followed Douglas into the kitchen. He watched as Douglas poured himself a shot. His hand shook while he did it.

“Something happened.” Sebastian crossed his arms loosely over his chest, shoulders drooped. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I can’t keep doing this anymore.” Douglas’ hand wasn’t all that shook—his voice shook as well. “I’ve given everything I’ve had to this company for years now. I’ve worked my ass off to see it succeed. And now, because my boss is jealous of my station in life, he’s trying to humble me by working me to the bone. He’s looking to get revenge.”

Sebastian frowned. He took a small step closer.

“And you know what?” Douglas didn’t look away from the thimble of liquid he’d poured. “He’s family. He’s goddamn family and he’s treating me like I’m the scum of the earth. Why? Because he’s jealous that I have a son now, and he’s bitter and alone?”

Sebastian was hurt, but he wasn’t hurt enough that he didn’t feel for Douglas’ struggle. He set a hand on Douglas’ back, promising silently that Douglas wasn’t alone.

“I thought we were beyond the family feud. I thought that we were setting ourselves up for a peaceful future. I thought maybe we could bridge the divide between our families by proving to them we could work peacefully together. But this? I can’t take this. I’m a hardworking man and I’ve given my life to making sure this business has legs, and he’s treating me like I’m the one responsible for its downfall.”

Sebastian had never worked in an office before. He’d done three weeks of interning for a company in the city, but that hardly compared. The pressure Douglas was under was unlike anything he’d experienced, so all he could do was stand by while Douglas vented.

“And then…” Douglas drew in a breath and shook his head. He grabbed his shot glass and downed it. When the glass hit the counter, he spoke again. “Then I’ve got everything going on at home with you, and it feels like everything is falling to pieces. I don’t know what to do anymore. Something’s got to give, but no matter how I turn it around in my head, I can’t find the best way out of this.”

To hear Douglas speak so sincerely about his issues prompted Sebastian to be bold. His hand worked in small circles on Douglas’ back, comforting him.

“I can’t help you with problems at work, but I can help you with problems at home.” Sebastian wasn’t sure where the conversation would go, but wherever it went, he vowed to approach it with maturity and sincerity. There was no reason to get upset. They were both adults. “We need to talk about us. I’m… I’m confused, and I should have spoken to you about it sooner, but I lost my nerve and shut down.”

Douglas was in the process of reaching for the bottle, but his hand stopped when Sebastian spoke.

“Can we go sit on the couch together? I want to talk about how I feel, and I want you to tell me how you feel in return.” Sebastian was nervous, but a small voice inside his head told him that as long as he treated Douglas with respect, Douglas would treat him with respect in return.

The time was right, and as long as Douglas was willing to listen, Sebastian wanted to say his bit. Even if there was no salvaging the spark they shared, he’d take pride in knowing he’d given it his best shot.

“Okay.” Douglas capped the bottle and pushed his shot glass away. While he returned the liquor to the cabinet, Sebastian headed for the couch. He tucked his legs beneath him, sinking against the corner of his side of the couch.

His side.

Despite himself, he smiled. They’d fallen into routine easily, hadn’t they? Even though there was no official relationship there to speak of, they’d been acting like a family. It gave Sebastian hope that there would be understanding from Douglas.

Douglas approached the couch not long after. He loosened the knot of his tie and undid the first few buttons of his shirt. His suit coat was gone, likely left on one of the dining room chairs. He sat beside Sebastian, close, but not touching him.

That was okay. Sebastian could tolerate distance as long as their talk was productive and honest.

“So…” Sebastian hesitated, pulling his thoughts together before he continued. He didn’t want to make things worse. “I think that we’ve both been having a hard time with our emotions, and I want to be clear with you about where I stand.”

“Okay.” Douglas ran his hands down his thighs and capped his knees with his palms. He turned his head to watch Sebastian. “I’m listening, and I won’t speak until you’ve said everything you have to say.”

“Thank you.” It was a small, but precious, gift. Sebastian intended to use it to its full potential. “I’m going to start off by saying that I don’t usually sleep with my bosses. In fact, I make it a rule that I don’t.”

Sebastian shifted his position, lifting himself up so he could tent his legs and press them to his chest. The extra shielding made him feel safer.

“I didn’t take the job because I was attracted to you—I took it because I needed a job. Sleeping with you wasn’t my end goal. And now that I’m here and I’ve been working for a while, I’m in love with Ian and I’m so glad I did it. I really am.” He picked at a piece of lint on the knee of his pants. “What we did the other night… it was impulsive, and rash, and probably a bad idea on all fronts, but I couldn’t help myself. I don’t think you could, either. The things I feel for you aren’t… they’re not shallow. I’m physically attracted to you, but I’m emotionally attracted to you, too. We get along on a wavelength I’ve never shared with anyone else, and I was so excited when you took me to bed because I thought that maybe you felt the same way.”

Don’t mess this up. Don’t mess this up…

“I know that there have been a lot of hard feelings in the last few days, and a lot of regret, but in a perfect world, I’d want us to be together. I’d want to move from my room and spend every night with you. I’d want to take care of Ian as your boyfriend instead of your nanny. I know that we’re at different places in our lives, and I know that I’m probably not the best partner, but I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you’re happy—we’re happy.”

Sebastian laced his fingers together, his arms wrapped around his legs.

“I say ‘we’re’ because this isn’t just about us. I know that a relationship with you isn’t only about you—it’s about Ian, too. You and Ian are a team, and I respect that. I might be young, but that doesn’t mean I can’t see the whole picture. You’re a father first and a lover second…” Sebastian lowered his gaze. “And I want to be a lover second, and a strong male figure to Ian first.”

There was silence. Sebastian didn’t dare lift his gaze, fearing the expression on Douglas’ face. He worried about how he’d be perceived and if Douglas would take him seriously. Sebastian knew that he lacked the experience and maturity that Douglas had, but it didn’t stop him from wanting to try to achieve it.

Together, they’d be possible of so much.

“You’re not saying that to placate me?” Douglas asked. Shocked, Sebastian looked up to find Douglas’ face softened with concern. “You’re not pretending?”

“Why would I pretend to mean something like that?” Sebastian let his knees fall. He opened himself up to Douglas. “If I didn’t mean it, I would have already been out the door. Douglas, I care about you. I care about Ian, too. I don’t want to leave. It broke my heart when you looked at me on Saturday morning with so much disgust and disappointment. I thought I’d failed you.”

Douglas scrubbed his face, then sank back against the arm of the couch. A moment passed, then he turned his face to the side to look Sebastian in the eye. “No. No, you didn’t. Friday night was amazing. I was upset with myself for letting you down—for keeping that accounting job from you. I didn’t want you to go.”

All of it had been a misunderstanding. A tiny smiled dared bloom on Sebastian’s face, and he scooted across the couch to be closer to Douglas. “So you weren’t going to fire me?”

“No. Never.” Douglas relaxed. The tension disappeared from his body, and the harsh glint vanished from his eyes. “I was convinced that you were going to hate me for being weak, and for keeping potential employment away from you.”

Sebastian didn’t hate Douglas for it. He didn’t hate him at all. In his desperation, he had applied to the accounting position Douglas sent him, but he’d much rather stay and be with Douglas and Ian.

A smile brightened Sebastian’s face, daring to take shape. He reached forward and ran a hand down Douglas’ arm experimentally. The spark burned as brightly as ever between them, sending a shiver down his spine.

“I’m not mad,” Sebastian promised.

“Then… what are we?” Douglas asked. Sebastian’s hand met his. He slotted his fingers between Douglas’. “I don’t want any more ambiguity. I don’t want any more hurt feelings. We need to decide what we are to each other.”

“I want to be yours.” Sebastian’s smile grew until he was grinning. “I don’t want what we have to end, and I don’t want anyone else.”

“And I want that, too.”

After days of suffering, there was no more need to worry. Douglas wanted him.

Sebastian blinked away tears, ditching decorum to snuggle up to Douglas. Douglas wrapped an arm around him and drew him close. He planted a kiss on the top of Sebastian’s head.

“Thank you for talking,” Douglas murmured into Sebastian’s hair. The way his hair was disturbed by Douglas’ words tickled. “I know that it takes a lot of courage to do that. I’m so proud of you.”

“I’m proud of me, too. I’m proud of us.” All of it could have fallen to ruin if they’d let it. Gabriel had been right. “I’m really excited to take this with you one day at a time.”

“I am, too.”

That night, after Douglas had eaten and they’d shaken off the last of their residual nerves, Sebastian slid beneath Douglas’ bed sheets. Innocent cuddling led to kissing, kissing led to touching, and before they fell asleep, they made love as a couple for the first time.