Chapter 3: I've Got a Blank Space Baby, and I'll Write Your Name

Kit & Danny:

Danny’s eyes trailed Kit as he bounced their twin boys to sleep in the nursery. Danny loved the way his t-shirts, clung to his back as his muscles rolled with each movement. He was a beautiful man, in a rugged old spice commercial kind of way. Danny groaned inwardly as Kit bent over to lay the boys in their bassinet, giving her a full view of his perfectly round backside. Danny pulled at her collar as the heat rose from between her thighs, up her chest, her neck, and settled on her cheeks.

Dear God, she had no memory of how her boys were made, but she didn’t mind a refresher.

“Enjoying the view?”

Danny started, she raked her fingers through her hair, pulling it over her face to hide her embarrassment from her sister. “I have no idea what you are talking about,” she croaked out as she chocked on her lie and desire.

“Of course, you don’t,” Rhyne giggled and settled on the play-mat next to Danny, her little girl in her arms.

Danny turned her attention to her daughter; her olive skin and jet-black hair made her round honey brown eyes stand out. She had her mother’s beauty, but her father’s temper. Her little expressions hid nothing, the perfect little storm. Lightening played in her eyes as a sunset storm loomed ahead. She was calm when she needed to be but held the promise of a tempest if annoyed. That was why most people admired her from afar, never once chancing a cuddle that could end up in a screaming disaster.

“Where is RD?” Danny asked.

“Pre-school. Why are you changing the subject?” Rhyne teased. “It is perfectly normal to lust after your husband.”

“Well, I’m not sure if he’s still my husband,” Danny pouted. “He’s just been busy with the kids, never once did her mention us as a couple.”

“You tell a man you don’t want him enough times and guess what?”

“That was when you were going through your thing with Duke. I didn’t expect him to take a step back completely,” Danny complained.

“I didn’t ask you to meddle in my relationship,” Rhyne laughed.

Slack jawed, Danny labored to find the right words to respond to her sister. At that time the whole clan was involved in Rhyne and Duke’s relationship. It was hard not to considering the circumstances. Rhyne was the prodigal sister who had finally come home, and Duke was the reclusive beast who had captured Rhyne in his castle, to put it in a Beauty and the Beauty way. Duke hadn’t told the families about Rhyne’s identity. He had his reasons, but they didn’t satisfy the rest of the group. In the end, their meddling almost left Rhyne dumped. Without her children and an unmarried widow-in that order.

While Danny’s meddling had caused drama in Rhyne’s relationship, unlike her sister who had repaired her relationship with her now-husband, Danny was still in limbo with Kit. She didn’t know what to do about him.

Kit was finally doing well when it came to his PTSD, the twin’s birth seemed to help. Kit was like an engine that never ran out of gas when it came to his children, but with his marriage, he seemed to have run out of energy…or was it patience?

“Let me give you some advice that Catalella gave me, fight for your man,” Rhyne nudged Danny with her shoulder.

Catalella, the girl who fought the odds for a happy ending. According to her brothers, Reno and DJ, she and Catalella had been best friends until Danny started hanging out with a bad crowd and Catalella had been duped into a loveless marriage. Cancer had taught Catalella to live life to the fullest, so her One Night Stand turned into a stable marriage with twins. She as definitely one to learn from.

“Well, the difference is I have amnesia, I don’t know Kit before now. I don’t remember how we were as a couple, or if we had a happy marriage. All I know is what others tell me. And if I go by his mother’s accounts, I’m not good enough for him.” Danny blinked back her tears as the memory of her mother-in-law berating her and calling her a murderer flashed through her mind. Apparently, she had ensnared both brothers and turned them into enemies.

However, when Danny tried to recall her past, all she got was a blank space that other people were filling with their own stories.

“Duke didn’t remember me either,” Rhyne added.

“Amnesia is very different from an alcohol-induced blackout,” Danny laughed, relieving herself from some stress.

“Same thing. Do you know how much it hurt for me to be in the same space as him for years and have him look at me like I was a stranger?” Rhyne paused then added,” And we had only shared one night together. Imagine what Kit is going through.”

“What? So, my amnesia broke his heart?” Danny said sarcastically.

“No, you pushing him away on top of you forgetting the love you shared broke his heart,” Rhyne clarified.

“It wasn’t intentional.”

“The latter, no, the former, yes. He’s just giving you space. Waiting for you to come to him.”

Danny stared at her sister and wondered. From what she had been told, Rhyne and Danny were not raised together or by the same people. Danny lived in a posh New York mansion while Rhyne grew up in an orphanage, and yet Rhyne seemed to have got the better end of the deal. Rhyne was zen, settled, happy about the littlest things, and content with hat life gives her. She was intelligent beyond her years and always saw the other side of things. Maybe that was the reason she was able to make her relationship with Duke and his volatile personality work.

She was the calm to his storm.

Danny wondered if she and Kit were ever in tandem.

If anyone was to describe them, what words would they choose? Well suited, made for each other, crazy in love, or the most common phrase that ever existed, a match made in heaven. Danny wanted to be the something to Kit’s something. She wanted to be more than the mother of his children or his amnesia girl.

Kit was waiting for her to go to him, well then, he wouldn’t have to wait any longer.

“Hey big sis,” Danny called to Rhyne as excitement begun to build inside her, “What exactly did Catalella tell you to do?”

***

Kit was just as Addicted to Danny as she was to him.

Every time he looked at her, Kit remembered the first time he saw her, 

Christian had stood there watching the girl as she grabbed onto her sundress as if trying to anchor herself down, then as she put on a brave face as her male companion left. She had been crying into the phone for a while before getting into the taxi that was waiting for her. 

Kit has to overcome the overwhelming urge of taking the girl in his arms and consoling her. His other option had been to force the man to stay. The dude was huge but Kit trusted in his military training to give him the ability to bend a man’s will. 

When she got into the cab, he wanted to follow her, hold her and…he didn’t know what else. But he couldn’t.

…when they met, 

“Daniella, that’s your name?”

Danny turned to Kit, the smile playing on her lips disobeying her order of keeping her face serious. “Yes, Daniella Kent.”

“I’m Christian Henry, my friends call me Kit.”

He stretched out his hand to her and she took it instantly. However, she dropped it immediately. She must have felt it too, he thought. The shock that coursed through him after the contact stunned him. One look at Danny and it was obvious that the surprise and the sensation was a mutual experience. “Kit, my friends call me Danny.”

“I like your hair, Danny, it frames your beautiful face perfectly.”

…when he fell in love 

As he started to walk out, Danny stepped into the room. They both froze the moment their eyes met. She was beautiful, even more, beautiful than the first time he had seen her only a few minutes ago. Her hand fluttered over her heart. Her mouth was slightly open, her pout begging for his kiss. If Kit was the kind to believe in fairytales, he would call this love at first sight.

“Oh God!” he mumbled. Kit had never been in love before, well not with a person. His Navy career had been the only love of his life for years, he had sacrificed his relationship with his family for it. The Navy had structure, he could depend on it and didn’t have any expectations, no surprises. He could trust the people around him to follow rules, orders, and not deviate from the plan. Love, the irrational human response to a pretty face or reaction to a gesture, he couldn’t put his trust in its insanity. And he wasn’t going to.

This was his chance to make a run for it. He hoped that he wouldn’t ever find himself alone with her. There was no telling what she could make him do or make him give up. It was a strange thought for him to think that he could have either or. But he had grown up with an absentee father. Harry Senior was more involved in his job than he was with his kids and his wife. His parents’ relationship could only be described as weird. Like one of a dominant and a submissive. Usually, other men would use their experience to strive to become better fathers but not him. For Kit, his experience was the main reason why he shouldn’t become a father. If he didn’t have the time to give them his one hundred percent, he would rather not try at all. 

One last look at Danny and Kit turned his back on a life that could never be.

…the first tear Danny ever shed in front of him.

“Don’t move. I just want to look into your eyes for a while.”

According to Kit only crazy people asked strangers to stop in a dark alley so that they could look into their eyes. However, when he looked into Danny’s they glistened like glass under the moon, then tears rolled down her cheeks. 

“Your eyes, they calm me for some reason. I just…I know I sound crazy…but I just…”

“It’s okay,” Kit said. “I’ll stand here for as long as you need.”

Kit noticed that she was doing some sort of breathing exercise. He noticed everything, something he blamed on his military training. Danny took in a breath for five seconds and exhaled for ten. Weird, it was like she was having an anxiety attack, but from the outside, she was a picture of calmness. “Do you want me to take you somewhere?”

She looked up at him and said, “The beach.” Kit just nodded and followed her to her jeep. She pushed the keys into his palm and settled into the passenger seat. Immediately she had a seat belt fastened she opened a bottle of ginger ale and chugged it down. He barely got the engine raving when she opened another.

They drove in silence the only sound was the empty bottles clinking against each other. Danny had reclined her chair back. Kit thought she was either sleeping or staring at the stars. Kit parked the car and turned the engine off. He was just about to check if Danny was asleep when she jumped out of the car, grabbed a towel from the back seat, and made her way to the sand barefoot.

Kit watched as he hips swayed, her short hair blown to the side by the wind. In that sexy little packaging was a mysterious little girl who had experienced more out of life than most senior citizens. Kit followed her behind. He froze when Danny dropped the towel to the ground and reached behind her to unzip her dress. Black lace was bound to be the new focus of all his wet dreams from now on. She was beautiful.

Danny walked into the water and only stopped when she was waist deep. Kit waited, he wasn’t sure what for, but he stood there watching her, marveling at how perfect her olive skin looked under the moonlight. Kit took off his t-shirt, shoes, wallet, and phone and dropped them where Danny had left her things. He went into the water after her.

“Has anyone ever told you, your eyes look just like the moon? Even the weird swirly bits,” Danny said.

“The weird swirly bit,” Kit chuckled.

“Yes,” Danny turned to face him. He was pleasantly amused at how round her eyes got. She took in his torso, her gaze traveling up his body, resting on his lips them finally stopping at his eyes before she quickly looked away. “Uh-mph, I mean…yes what I said ten seconds ago before you completely wiped my memory and crippled my ability to make coherent sentences.”

“You did very well just now.”

“Yes, I did.”

“So not crippled, just momentarily lost.”

“Let’s go with that.”

…when they got married. 

Kit was standing in her office the pregnancy tests boxes in his hands and a mask of fury on his face. He tossed the boxes back on the desk and grabbed Danny’s purse. He then marched towards her grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the shop. 

An hour later he and Danny were married just before he deployed.

He then remembered how she had become a different woman twice. The first time when he came back from the dead…

Chris had his hand over Danny’s and she had her fingers curled around a glass of brandy. One look at Reno and DJ and Kit could see that they were slowly defeated and just about to give up. But then when they looked at him, he saw hope. As if their sister’s salvation had just walked it. Kit pushed his parents aside and with three strides got to where Danny sat. Chris stood up blocking his path.

“What are you doing?” Chris asked.

“You don’t seem too happy to see me, considering I just came back from the dead.”

“You weren’t dead. You were in Germany playing nursemaid to other injured soldiers,” Chris smirked.

“You knew!” Danny screamed.

It was obvious that she had already drunk one too many. Kit grabbed the glass in her hand and threw it against the wall. “What are you doing?”

“You knew he was alive and didn’t say anything,” this time it was their mother that asked.

Kit’s eyes were glued to Danny, she sat, her back straight and her eyes glued to the wall in front of her. This was the moment that worried Kit most about Danny, when she was silent. He was yet to figure out everything that went on in her head.

“The only reason I found where Reno had hidden Danny was that I was tracking Kit,” Chris said to their mother nonchalantly.

Kit’s gaze didn’t waver, not even when he heard the sharp sound of flesh hitting flesh when their mother hit Chris. “Danny,” he called out to her.

“Danny and I are getting married,” Chris announced to the room, but Kit knew it was directed at him.

“You can’t,” Kit said.

“Why, because you said so?”

“No, because she’s my wife.”

Kit felt the air shift as the whole room went silent and still. For a moment he thought that the battle was over, that it was time to take his wife home.

“There is no baby, there never was,” Danny mumbled. “You didn’t give me a chance to explain. And you were so willing to marry me-,”

“I don’t care,” Kit blurted out. Kit had wondered where their child was when they were back in Hawaii. Sarah had explained that too. He felt like an idiot for not confirming the pregnancy before dragging her to the justice of the peace. But the marriage was now in his favor. “Let’s go home.”

“I care,” Danny stood up, and angrily pushed him. “I care that I almost died thinking that you were gone. I care that you decided to stay away instead of being with me. I care that once again the Marine code came before me.”

“She doesn’t want you,” Chris said as he put his arm around Danny.

Danny shook him off and stepped up to Kit. Kit saw it all now, what he had put her through. What he saw at the beach didn’t hurt as much as they look in Danny’s eyes right now. Betrayal.

“Christian, my Kit,” Kit cupped her cheek and caught her tear with his thumb. “My Kit, I love him, I still love him,” hope swelled in his chest only to have a pin stuck into it. “But he keeps leaving me.”

Danny was mad that he was alive. After hearing what she went through, he too was a little mad. If he was dead then there would have been an actual point to all the pain she went through. Kit thought of giving her a chance to fall in love with Chris, just as her brother had requested. But that was too hard for him. She was the reason he came back to life and he wasn’t willing to let go. He was just about to reject Chris’ request when Danny said something he never thought he would hear in his entire life.

“I’m leaving with Chris.”

…and the second was when Danny lost her memories. 

So, he sat at Danny’s bedside and watched as her eyes fluttered open. 

Kit jumped to his feet leaning over Danny. His heart stuck in his throat kept him from screaming out loud. At least he had one left. Kit leaned in closer as Danny blinked furiously.

“Hey, Danny.” Through clouded eyes, he could see Danny’s brown eyes get brighter by the second. She was alive. “Do you want me to turn on the light?”

Danny slightly shook her head no.

“I’m going to call the doctor.”

Danny shook her head once more, feebly grabbing his hand. Her eyes were searching his face, Kit wasn’t exactly sure what he was looking for. However, he assumed that she was trying to tell if he was Kit or Chris.

“It’s Kit,” he said. 

Danny’s hand shook as she lifted it to his face. Kit took it, kissed her palm, and cupped his cheek with it. With her thumb, Danny wiped his tear. “How do you feel? Are you in pain? Let me call the doctor.”

“Kit,” she repeated with absolutely no recognition.

No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t find their happy ending. For years fate had strung them along and he was now past frustrated and headed towards exhausted.

***

Kit sat in his truck and stared at his parents-in-law's front door, contemplating whether to go in or drive off. Walking into a house in which he was guest in was difficult and driving away was simply his way of running from his what he felt was too difficult to handle. He had just come from his therapist, and fear of losing was one of the things they had discussed.

He had lost so much already in a span of three years; he just couldn’t face the possibility of losing something or someone else. First, it was his relationship with his father, then his twin brother, Brian, and the rest of the unit. But the most painful loss was Danny.

Often, he found himself calling her Daniela, to him Danny was someone else.

Danny was the woman he married, the one who was pregnant with their tin boys. But Daniela was his wife, the woman who gave birth to his children but most importantly a stranger.

The only other person who had found himself bound to a stranger through their child was Duke. A drunken one-night stand had led to him having a child with a woman who would pretend to be his nanny for almost six years, before telling Duke the truth. Duke and Rhyne’s relationship was a lot more complicated than Kit and Danny’s and yet, Kit found his problem more difficult to resolve.

Danny wasn’t as open as Duke, or Rhyne to fix their relationship.

Danny had thrown him into the icy cold, where he stiffened and labored to breathe daily. He couldn’t bridge the gap between himself and the woman who had forgotten him. He loved her, and that love had turned into an ache that grew larger and larger. Danny's lovely face floated upward in his thoughts, and he swallowed the lump of emotion that had quickly formed in his throat.

The Danny he saw in his thoughts had a pixie cut with bangs that fell over her left eyes. This Danny wore her hair down to her shoulder, and everyday Kit wished she would cut it. Even when he knew that cutting her hair wouldn’t make her the old Danny again.

Duke’s advice was to get to know the Danny she was now and let her get to know the Kit that he was. Of the two of them, only Kit had changed, Danny was more of a blank space discovering things about herself as time went by.

Kit got out of his car and walked to the front door. “Come on, your sons are on the other side of this door,” he whispered, treads of frosty air purled from his breath as he reached for the door handle and opened it. He stepped inside and welcomed the warmth that greeted him.

Danny appeared from round the corner with a smile on her face. Kit managed a weak grin of his own and turned towards the staircase trying to run away.

“They are asleep,” Danny called out from behind him.

“Oh! Okay,” reluctantly he turned to face her, and they just stood there for a while in silence, staring at each other.

“I was thinking,” Danny said as she took a step towards Kit, filling in the space between them,” maybe we could have a mom and dad night out.”

“What do you mean?” he asked confused.

“You and me, on a date.” Danny’s cheeks reddened as she continued to speak. “We could take a walk down memory lane.”

“That would require us both to still have a shared memory to revisit,” he regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.

Danny’s hair fell over her face, like veils that hid the obvious disappointment that was in her eyes. “I just thought…” The length of her hair annoyed him.

Quickly recovering the situation, Kit said. “You have amnesia and I’m not the same man I was when we were together. There is no point in me trying to share my memories of our time in the past when they don’t matter.”

“Who says our past doesn’t matter?” Her calm immediately disappeared, and aggravation replaced it.

“If it mattered to you, you would have wanted to know about it months ago,” Kit answered. “And I’m just annoyed by it, at this point.”

“You are annoyed at me for having amnesia?” Danny’s face pulled into an exasperated expression as she cocked her head to the side, eyes narrowing as she studied him.

“Danny, everything annoys me. Your amnesia, your hair, my illness, living in this house, knowing that I have no control of my emotions and this conversation.” Kit centred his attention to his words and gave voice to the fear that he was hiding inside. He was done, it was all too much for him and he was done with all of it.

***

Kit had left Danny fuming from the afternoon to the better part of the night. She could not believe that he had the audacity to be annoyed at her for having amnesia. It wasn’t her fault that she was in an accident and couldn’t remember. Yes, she had pushed him away, but Danny just needed that time to herself. She thought he would respect that and not use it to draw a line between them.

All she wanted to do was know how they were before. Right now, they were his memories, but they were moments that they had created together. Was it so hard for him to relive them with her?

Was it?

Maybe it was? She thought. 

Kit hadn’t had nightmares since the babies were born. It might have been because his treatment was working or because he wasn’t asleep. Every time Danny had woken up in the middle of the night to take care of the babies, she had found Kit rocking them to sleep.

Maybe there were things he didn’t want to remember. She wouldn’t know until she asked him.

Danny slowly made her way to the nursery and true to form, Kit was there taking care of the babies. She cleared her throat to make her presence know. Kit wasn’t too comfortable with sudden things. 

Kit’s gaze lifted to hers, and Danny stared into his eyes waiting for the steel gate that guarded his emotions to drop. Once his furrowed brow smoothed and his expression softened, she asked her question, “Why don’t you want to tell me about our past?”

“I already did.” He bounced the babies in his arms. “You and I are married, the end.”

“The end?” she scoffed.

“That’s the most important part.”

“What about the rest of it?” Danny tamed down the raging embers of annoyance. She was determined to finish this conversation.

“The rest of it…” he sighed, “the rest of it was experienced by people that aren’t here anymore.”

“In the beginning, when I woke up, when you came after me in Hawaii, you weren’t so closed off. What happened the few months we were apart?” She asked with genuine concern.

Kit took a while to respond. At first, Danny thought he would brush her off, but then she realized that he was just trying to find the right words. 

“I was left alone with my thoughts and my guilt.” Kit placed the babies in their cribs and ushered her out of the room. He leaned on the door frame, crossed his arms, and looked at her through hooded eyes. “For a while, I didn’t remember everything that had happened to me when I was gone. My unit had died and that its. Then I come back and my brother supposedly dies, then I find out that you are pregnant and with no memories. Then my mother blames me for causing my brother’s death, and you just kept on fighting me. My mind blew up and everything hit me all at once.”

Danny heard all the words that he didn’t say. 

My unit members had died, I survived only to come back and find you with my brother.

My brother supposedly dies because he followed you to look for Rhyne.

I find out you are pregnant but I can’t be sure that the babies are mine.

No memories, how is it our love is so special if your heart can’t recognize mine.

My mother blames me for my brother’s death because I took you from him. 

My mind blew up and you are at the center of that explosion. 

A haze of exhaustion claimed his expression as he spoke, his eyes never leaving hers as if studying to see if she understood him. Danny nodded yes, and as if satisfied with her response he pushed back from the door and began to walk away.

“So now what?” She called after him.

“I don’t know, but I won’t go back to the past with you.”

“How about we stay in the present then?” Her stomach flipped and dropped as he looked over his shoulder. Quickly she went on, “We can just be the people we are now and see who we become.”

“Then what?”

“I don’t know, we don’t need to have all the answers right now,” Danny tried not to cry as desperation bled into her words.

“What’s the point?”

People could rarely pinpoint the moments that changed their lives. Danny would remember this moment, where she stood in the hallway outside her twin boys’ bedroom, a few feet from her husband. The moment that she decided that she would save the love that made their sons and save her husband from being engulfed from the darkness that was haunting him. This moment required bravery that Danny didn’t know if she had ever possessed before this second.

“The point is that I love you,” Kit turned to face her just as she began to waver. “My brain doesn’t remember, but my heart does. It always has, I’m just too stubborn for my own good.” Kit found a smile under his melancholy, and that was all Danny needed to spur her on. “My heart races every time you are near me and even when you’re not. That tells me that my heart knows you. It might not be what we had in the past, but it’s a start.”

A grin spread across his features, and that was the answer Danny needed.