Chapter 10

After having an MRI, Brynn was moved to a room on the second floor. She lay in bed, hurting, but Ry’s bad jokes made her laugh. Having him here kept her from getting lost in her thoughts—bad ones about what the future might hold. Though with each passing minute, the worst-case scenario seemed to be the most likely one.

Stop.

No sense borrowing worry. She’d been doing that enough.

Brynn needed to get through this overnight stay and MRI first, and then she could deal with the fallout of the injury and her horrible season.

One step at a time.

She didn’t need Ry to tell her that. He was rubbing off on her. That was good, even if she never would have believed she’d feel that way after speaking to him in the cafeteria on Monday. Had that only been three days ago?

He surveyed the room. “Not the Ritz, but it’ll do for one night.”

“Especially if I’m allowed to race in the giant slalom.” A cheery get-well Mylar balloon was attached to the bed tray. She hunted for a note to see who’d sent it but there wasn’t one. “From you?”

He shook his head. “I’m more of a candy and flowers kind of guy.”

She swallowed, ignoring the flash of disappointment. What was wrong with her? Ry was here. He’d been here for hours. That was what mattered. Not gifts. Maybe the pain medication was making her loopy.

“Lucky ladies,” she teased.

“My mom thinks so.”

And then it hit Brynn.

Oh, no. She covered her mouth with her hand. “I need to call my mom. If she hears about this over the internet, she’ll freak out, but I don’t have my phone.”

“Use mine.” He handed her his cell phone. “I’m going to grab a hot chocolate from the cafeteria.”

“Oh, that sounds good.” Even with the warm blanket covering her, she was cold.

“I’ll buy two.” He kissed her cheek before heading out of the room.

Brynn’s face tingled. She touched the spot where he’d kissed her. Her season might be in shambles and her family life a mess, but Ry kept her from losing hope.

The hungover guy you once knew is no more.

Yes, but this Ry was hotter than the younger bad boy version. A sexy image popped into her head. Not the best thought to have on her mind when she was calling her mom. She punched in the numbers.

On the second ring, the line picked up. “Hello?”

“Hi, Mom.”

“Brynn! I didn’t recognize the number. Thank goodness, you called. Are you okay?” Her mom spoke fast, sounding breathless.

“I’m okay.” Brynn thought she heard a sigh. “I crashed out but skied down on my own. I’m sore. Have a few bruises. They’re keeping me at the hospital for observation.”

“What about the slalom tomorrow?”

She swallowed. “Not happening. The parallel slalom, either.”

“Oh, honey.”

“The giant slalom on Sunday is a possibility.” Brynn kept her tone steady.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie.” Her mother’s voice faded. She sounded like she was crying.

“It’s okay.” Brynn didn’t want her mom to worry. “We’ve got a new doc on the team. He’s being overcautious. Ordering more imaging to be on the safe side. He’ll be hovering all night long.”

Her mom hiccupped. “I wish I were there with you.”

“Me, too.” Brynn had wanted her mom so many times over the past months she’d lost count. She had no idea when she’d see her mother again. Not anytime soon if Sully had his way. Maybe not…ever. The thought stabbed Brynn’s heart.

Her mom sniffled. “I’ve been worried sick since I heard you’d been injured.”

“How did you hear?” Brynn asked.

Silence.

“Mom?”

“Your coach called me.”

Brynn’s insides twisted, worse than her body had during her fall. “Tolliver?”

“Mike.” Her mother’s breath hitched. “He knows.”

The air rushed from Brynn’s lungs. Her throat clogged with emotion.

He knows.

The words echoed through her head, matching the beat of her heart. All her efforts to keep her mother’s secret had torn Brynn up inside and wrecked her season. How had this happened?

“I don’t understand.” Her voice was an octave higher. “I never said anything. You asked me not to tell him, and I didn’t. I didn’t tell anyone. I promise. I don’t know how he would have found out.”

Or when? When had he learned the truth?

He’d been acting normal. Treating her like the others on the team. Though…

After the super combined, he’d been less nagging and more supportive, but she’d assumed that was because she’d finished both races. She’d even wondered if that had been a sign she still had a shot to remain on the team.

Or had he known then?

A chill shot along her spine. She shivered.

“He told me you hadn’t mentioned this to him,” her mother said. “That he’d figured it out himself.”

The chills racking Brynn’s body had nothing to do with the ice on her leg. She pulled up the blanket to her neck. “How?”

“He didn’t say, but it doesn’t matter.” Her mom exhaled. “He’s furious at me. I tried to explain I never wanted anyone to find out for the sake of my marriage. Not even you.”

“Does”—Brynn almost said Dad—“Sully know you kept me a secret from Mike?”

“Let’s not talk about this now. You’re in the hospital.” Her mother’s voice sharpened. “You need to concentrate on getting better so you can race.”

“I’ve tried concentrating, focusing, you name it. Hasn’t worked. My season’s ruined.” Brynn’s voice cracked. She didn’t want to make her mom feel worse, but she couldn’t keep holding everything in. “One more race won’t make a difference. I’m going to lose my spot.”

A vise gripped Brynn’s heart. Saying that aloud made the reality of her situation clearer. This week’s races wouldn’t change three months of poor results.

Nothing would.

She’d been living in denial because…

She didn’t deserve to be on the team, not after letting personal issues interfere with her performance. Forget about getting a spot with a coach’s discretion. Her name shouldn’t be on next season’s nomination list. She hadn’t earned a spot. Didn’t deserve one. She knew with the same certainty she’d known she hadn’t broken any bones today.

Life as a member of the team would end when next season’s nominations came out. The most she could hope for was an invite to one of the camps to compete for a spot or be asked to train with the team as an independent, covering her own expenses. Not that she had the money to do that.

The familiar elephant, who’d been overstaying his welcome since December, plopped on her chest once more. She wanted him to get off and go away. Forever.

Brynn clutched the phone, ignoring the aches in her hip and muscles and the pain in her heart. She’d waited long enough. Too long. No more.

“Please, Mom.” Brynn tried to settle her shaky hand. “I love you and know this has been rough on you, but it’s been tough for me, too. You told me what you thought I needed to know, but it’s not enough. I have a feeling Coach will want to talk, and I’m guessing at this point, he knows more than I do. Please don’t leave me in the dark any longer.”

Silence.

Unsure whether her mom would hang up or speak, Brynn clutched the cell phone.

“I told you how your dad…Sully…had been sleeping with women while on the road. I had suspicions, but no proof until a woman showed up at the house. She was so young and trusting, thought he was divorced, not married with a wife and five kids. Needless to say, I found out she wasn’t the only one. We separated, and I contacted a divorce attorney.”

“That must have been difficult for you.”

“It was. Our marriage was far from perfect, but I never imagined myself divorced.” Her mom paused. “I was so torn up, I was going to skip my friend’s wedding, but your grandmother convinced me to go and see my old ski friends. So I did, never thinking Mike might be there, too.”

“But he was.”

“It was the first time I’d seen him in fourteen years. Not since he’d broken up with me.”

“Was it uncomfortable?”

“At first yes, but then not so much.” Her mom paused. “Mike was always easy to be around.”

Brynn had to laugh. “That’s so not the coach I know.”

“People change. He had. I noticed that right away. He seemed a little off. Sad, even.” Her mother sighed. “At the reception, we ended up pouring out our souls to each other over a bottle of wine. He about becoming a full-time coach. Me about my crumbling marriage to a hockey coach and my five sons. But once all that was out of the way, it was as if we’d turned back the clocks to when we’d been younger and so in love. One thing led to another and…”

“Me.”

“You,” her mother said at the same time. “I’ve never regretted that night with Mike. Or you. Forget what Sully said to you. He was wrong.”

Brynn needed to hear that. “Thanks.”

“When it was time for me to go home, Mike gave me his number. Told me he’d lost me once and didn’t want that to happen again. Said he’d visit as soon as the divorce was final. I thought we might get a second chance together, but then Sully surprised me. When I arrived at your grandmother’s house, he was there waiting, begging me not to divorce him.”

There was something Brynn needed to know. “Why did you go back to him if Mike wanted to be with you?”

“Sully and I were still married, and we had five children together.”

“Did you know you were pregnant with me?”

“No,” her mother admitted. “Your brothers needed a father, and I was terrified of the financial repercussions of a divorce because I hadn’t worked in years. That’s why I called Mike and told him not to contact me again. I had no idea I was carrying his baby, you, at the time.”

Brynn didn’t know whether she should be happy or sad about that. She’d assumed her mom had known about the pregnancy when she spoke with Coach. “What happened after you found out about me?”

“I told Sully what had happened at the wedding, but I didn’t mention Mike’s name. Sully didn’t ask.”

“Were you afraid he’d divorce you?”

Her mom half laughed. “I had no idea what he would do.”

“But you never told Coach. He—”

“Left me once because he wanted no distractions to his skiing.”

That was similar to what Ry had told Brynn. A hollowness seemed to grow inside her. “Mike wasn’t skiing anymore.”

“Coaching takes even more time. And asking a man, a bachelor who’d probably never babysat, to welcome me and five kids into his life, and then one on the way when I found out about you, would have been too much.”

Brynn grimaced. “So, you chose Sully.”

The safer known option.

“Yes. But working through our issues wasn’t easy. We went into counseling to deal with his affairs and what happened with me and Mike. Sully admitted his wrongdoings and didn’t blame me for mine. He forgave me. And I did the same with him. We each had our own requirements for staying together, and we’ve stuck to those all these years.”

In December, her mom had told Brynn what those conditions entailed: no more cheating, Sully raising Brynn as his own child, and no contact for her mom or Brynn with the birth father. Only that last one had happened unknowingly when she’d made the national team. “You couldn’t stop me from getting to know Mike Frederick.”

“That was out of our control, but it won’t matter. Sully doesn’t know Mike’s identity—”

“If he finds out…”

Her mother inhaled sharply. “That’s something I’ll deal with. Not you.”

Brynn had a feeling her entire family would be dealing with the repercussions. She didn’t know if the truth coming out now was better than if it had twenty-five years ago. “Did you ever think Coach had a right to know about me?”

“I—” Her mother’s voice cracked. “I’d cut off contact with him. Threw away his number. I did what I thought best.”

“Best for the boys?”

“And you.”

Brynn wished she believed that. “Sully never treated me as his own.”

“What was I going to do?” Her mother sounded angry. “Call Mike and tell him he had a daughter I’d never told him about?”

“That might have been better than me growing up feeling as if I didn’t belong and would never measure up because I was a girl.” The words, buried inside for so long, spewed out, full of hurt and disappointment. “I tried, but nothing was ever good enough for Sully.”

“Your father tried.”

“Sully didn’t, and you let him get away with it.”

“I had to keep the family together.”

“I’m part of that family,” Brynn countered. “Or was until Sully kicked me out.”

Silence filled her ear.

That didn’t stop Brynn. “For twenty-five years, you’ve been worried about the effect of that night with Coach on your sons and yourself. You don’t even care what keeping this secret has done to me. That I’m going to lose my spot on the team and be homeless.”

“I care.”

That was debatable. Brynn was hurting and too tired to fight. She’d said what she’d been holding back.

Her mother blew her nose. “If there was a way I could be there now…”

But.

Her mom always had a “but.”

But it would rip the family apart.

But I wouldn’t be able to see my grandkids.

But I don’t want my husband to divorce me.

“But it would cost too much to fly there,” her mother said finally. “Sully would never pay for an airline ticket.”

Jax would. If Brynn knew that, then so did their mother.

But…

Coming west would mess up things with Sully, the five boys, and the grandchildren. Her mother would never risk it.

Brynn’s breath hitched. She forced air into her lungs, but that didn’t keep tears from stinging her eyes.

She was the expendable one. Always had been.

That was why she’d grown up feeling as if everyone else in her family was more important to her parents, not just Sully. But to have that fact proven now hurt more than her left side and all the angst she’d suffered since December combined.

Her hand trembled so much she nearly dropped Ry’s cell phone. “I have to go, Mom.”

“Call if you need anything.”

I need you. Brynn had needed her mom since December, but that hadn’t mattered then. It wouldn’t now. “Bye.”

She disconnected from the line. “Sully doesn’t want me. My mom, either. I wonder if Coach will.”

Brynn wiped her eyes. Probably best not to get her hopes up. She’d been disappointed enough and wasn’t sure if she could handle much more.