Chapter Thirty One-1

Jesse watched Lizzie and Everett swing back and forth on the hammock in the backyard, the two of them using it as more of a chair than anything. Lizzie had a book in her hands, Everett had a strand of her hair in his, and they looked perfectly content to read a book together. A smile on his face, Jesse let out a content sigh before letting the curtain fall back into place in his room and walked to his bed. Collapsing on the soft mattress, he pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes for a moment. Peeking out of one eye, Jesse examined the envelopes that sat on his desk. He still hadn't opened any of them. The colleges he applied for replied. Most of them at least, but it wasn't as though it mattered anyways. Jesse still had no idea what to do. He didn't know his major. He had absolutely no idea where to go with his life. He just wanted to . . . exist for a while. But that would go against everything Jesse's parents set him up for. They set him up to accomplish things in this world. He had gifts, talents. Jesse felt as though he would be letting them down if he decided to throw all of that away; the support, the summer camps for various things, the car in his driveway he slaved away on. Someway, somehow, all those things went straight into the back of his mind, not meaning a single thing to him. Growing up, he imagined all the colleges he would apply for and what his life would be like once he hit that point of his life. Before Jesse hit the age of sixteen, the life of a college student was the only one he could imagine. But now, it seemed pretty empty. I've gotta tell mom and dad, he thought, sprawling out on his bed. But it worried him. Would his parents even be supportive of such a decision? They were rooting for college; of course they were. College would ensure that Jesse had some sort of a future. Maybe. Jesse knew plenty of people with college degrees still working somewhere they never imagined one would work with a bachelors. College didn't ensure Jesse would have a great life. It just meant he would spend more of it wondering what to do with himself. Tonight, he decided. Tonight, I'm going to tell them. He sighed, shaking his head as he stood and stretched his arms above his head. "I'm so dead." * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The dinner table was awfully quiet that night. Jesse felt like his parents already knew his decision, just by looking at him. He knew the notion was ridiculous, but still. The idea stuck in his head and his stomach flopped with nerves. This would be a big announcement for the family; Everett already had an idea of how Jesse felt, so maybe the news of Jesse's deviation wouldn't come as much of surprise to him. But to their parents . . . Oh, to their parents, it would be shocking. "So, guys - you seem quiet," Denise observed from her end of the table. Cole sat happily with his food in front of him, eyes wide and shining. Denise looked from her youngest to the other two boys curiously. Jesse nodded in response. "I just . . .I got a lot on my mind," he told her, meaning every word of it. He didn't want to tell her nothing. This would just be a good . . . beginning for the subject to be approached with. Denise raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah? What's bothering you? Anything I can help with?" Clearing his throat, Jesse pushed his empty plate forward a touch, signalling his finish. "Honestly, I'm not sure it's dinner table talk." With a smile, his mother shook her head. "I don't know. Food makes everything better, so maybe this is the perfect time?" Jesse looked from Denise to Peter and back again. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Everett give him an encouraging nod. He knew exactly what Jesse wanted to talk about, it seemed. "Well, okay, I guess," Jesse stuttered out. He twiddled his thumbs for a few minutes, trying to get his thoughts in order. How would he shatter their dreams for him? Should he just go with it? Maybe doing his own thing for a while made no sense and he should just . . . "Jesse?" Everett poked him in the side gently, enough to prod him out of the spin cycle he set himself on. "Right," he muttered, steeling himself. "Right." Taking a deep breath, he announced, "I'm not going to college." The room went completely still. Jesse dared a peek at him parents, making eye contact with each of them. They stared at him blankly, their eyes wide and confused and most of all . . . disappointed. "I'm sorry, you what?" Peter exploded, setting down his silverware and staring at Jesse. He shrunk down in his chair, looking down and biting his lip. He knew this sort of reaction would happen. He just knew it. "Jesse, sweetie, you can't believe serious?" Denise tried really hard to keep it together, but anyone could see she was so so close to losing it. Her hand gripped the fork in her hand tightly, her knuckles white. "I don't want to go to college," Jesse repeated softly, shaking his head. "I don't want that life. I just want to be free for a while. I want to see the world." "Unacceptable!" Peter nearly shouted. At the other end of the table, Denise was silent and Cole looked as concerned as a toddler could get in the current situation. "I just don't understand why you would want to do this," Denise finally spoke, not looking at Jesse. It made him feel even worse; the small spark of confidence he felt beginning to burn within him died out in seconds. "How can you be so -" "I applied to go to Curtis Institute of Music and I got accepted. I'm going to college in Philadelphia." Everett's voice cut through the lecture and within seconds, the entire table erupted into absolute chaos. "Philadelphia?! Everett, you can't move to Philadelphia! What on Earth are you thinking?" "We barely let you go on a field trip with Lizzie, what makes you think you are leaving for several years?" On and on they went. Jesse drooped lower and lower in his seat, his frustration building. Why did it matter so much who did what? So what if he wanted to take time off? So what if Everett wanted to go to college? He just didn't get it. "Who cares?!" he finally shouted, jumping to his feet. "I'm so sorry for being a huge disappointment, but if I go to college, I'll be miserable. I can't do it." Silence encompassed the table and Denise shook her head. "I just can't even deal with this right now." With that, she stood quickly and left the room, anger and frustration lacing every movement. Peter looked at his two boys, glaring. "Are you happy now? You've completely upset your mother!" "This isn't about mom! Or you or Cole or Everett or my fifth grade English teacher!" Jesse retorted strongly. "This is my decision. I'm an adult and I'm sorry you hate it. I am. But in the end I've gotta do what's right for me. I've gotta do what makes me happy."