The cost of wanting you

The cost of wanting you


BEN POV

“Kiss me…”

The words barely left my lips before I realized what I had done.

What I had asked for.

But I didn’t take them back.

I couldn’t.

Because the way he was looking at me like I was something he had lost and somehow found again.

It unraveled me completely.

Ambrose stilled for a second.

Just a second.

Like he was giving me time to change my mind.

I didn’t.

His hand came up slowly, cupping my jaw, his thumb brushing just beneath my lip.

“Ben…” he whispered, my name heavy with warning.

With restraint.

With everything we weren’t supposed to cross.

“I know,” I breathed.

I knew about Nolan.

I knew about the past.

I knew about how wrong this could become.

And yet…I leaned into his touch instead of pulling away.

That was all it took.

His lips found mine again.

This time, there was nothing hesitant about it.

No careful distance.

No restraint.

It was deeper.

Warmer.

Like everything we had buried for eight years had finally broken free.

My fingers tangled into his shirt, pulling him closer as if I was afraid he might disappear again.

Because once…he had.

And I never survived that kind of loss.

His other hand settled at my waist, firm but careful like he still remembered, like he was still aware.

Of the baby.

Of me.

Of everything.

It made my chest ache.

We broke apart, breathless.

Foreheads pressed together.

“This is a mistake,” I whispered.

But my hands didn’t let go of him.

And neither did his.

“Then why does it feel like the only thing that’s ever been right?” he murmured.

I closed my eyes.

Because I didn’t have an answer for that.

Not one that wouldn’t destroy everything.

“We can’t keep doing this,” I said softly.

“Doing what?” he asked.

“This… us,” I replied, finally opening my eyes to meet his.

His gaze didn’t waver.

“There has always been an ‘us,’ Ben,” he said quietly. “We’re just pretending there isn’t.”

My heart clenched painfully.

Because he was right and that terrified me.

“Nolan,” I whispered.

That name alone was enough to shift the air between us.

Ambrose stepped back slightly.

Not far but enough.

His jaw tightened.

“I know,” he said.

But his voice didn’t carry regret. It carried something else.

Conflict.

“He’s trying,” I added. “In his own way… he’s trying to be there.”

Ambrose ran a hand through his hair, exhaling slowly.

“I’m not questioning that,” he said. “He’s my son. I know exactly who he is.”

“Then you know this will hurt him,” I said.

My voice cracked.

Because despite everything…I didn’t want to hurt Nolan.

Ambrose’s eyes softened.

“I don’t want to hurt him either,” he admitted.

Silence fell again but this time…it wasn’t filled with longing. It was filled with reality.

“I didn’t plan for this,” I said quietly. “Any of it.”

“The baby?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“No… this,” I gestured weakly between us.

He let out a low breath.

“Neither did I.”

And somehow…

That made it worse.

I stepped back, wrapping my arms around myself.

“I just got clarity today,” I said. “For the first time in a long time, I knew what I wanted.”

“And now?” he asked.

I hesitated.

Because the truth…was complicated.

“I still know,” I said slowly. “I want this baby. I’m keeping it.”

His expression softened instantly.

“I know...”

“But everything else…” I continued, my voice quieter now, “is a mess.”

He took a step toward me again.

Slower this time.

Careful.

Like approaching something fragile.

“Then we take it one step at a time,” he said.

I let out a small, humorless laugh.

“You make it sound easy.”

“It’s not,” he admitted. “But walking away from you again would be harder.”

My breath caught.

Because that…that was the problem.

He couldn’t walk away.

And neither could I.

“You left once,” I said, the words slipping out before I could stop them.

The moment they did, regret hit me but it was too late.

His expression changed.

Not anger.

Not defensiveness.

Just…Pain.

“I know,” he said quietly.

“And I won’t make that mistake again.”

My chest tightened.

Because a part of me wanted to believe him desperately.

A soft sound echoed from down the hall.

We both turned instinctively.

Alessia.

A small cough.

A sleepy murmur.

Reality clicked in and It came crashing back all at once.

“I should check on her,” I said quickly, needing space, needing air.

Ambrose nodded.

“Yeah.”

But neither of us moved immediately.

Because the moment we walked away from this kitchen…

Everything would change again.

“I meant what I said,” he added softly before I turned.

I paused.

“About what?”

“About you not being alone,” he said.

I swallowed hard.

Because that was exactly what I was afraid of.

Not being alone.

But choosing who stood beside me.

I nodded once.

Then walked toward Alessia’s room.

Each step heavier than the last.

When I pushed the door open, she was still half-asleep, tossing slightly.

“Mommy…” she mumbled.

“I’m here,” I whispered, sitting beside her and brushing her hair back.

Her small hand found mine instantly and just like that everything else faded.

I looked down at her.

Then slowly…My hand moved to my stomach.

Two lives.

Two choices.

Two futures.

And somewhere in the middle of it all…

Two men.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Ambrose leaning against the doorframe.

Watching us.

Quiet.

Careful.

Like he didn’t want to intrude. But couldn’t stay away either.

My heart did something dangerous.

Something soft.

Something I wasn’t ready to name because deep down…I knew one thing for sure.Tonight hadn’t just changed everything.

It had started something.

Something I wasn’t sure I could stop.

Love.