Chapter 39 Resolution

Chapter 39 Resolution
In retrospect, Tessa realized she'd thought in terms of her life picking up where it had left off. As if her kidnapping and Matt Michael's murder had never happened. But it had, and there was no going back. She looked around the room, at the bed made up with a faded turquoise spread that matched the faded turquoise drapes, and knew she'd have a hard time sleeping tonight. Without Dane.

She'd grown accustomed to sleeping in his arms, to making love with him before she slept. In the night, if she had bad dreams, he'd wake her, comfort her. Then he'd make love to her, as if she were a delicate flower, until she thought she would die from too much pleasure. She closed her eyes, recalling his touch, his heat, his strength. God, was she insane to miss him this much?
The phone rang, the shrill, unfamiliar ring startling her. She hesitated for a moment, uncertain whether to answer it, worried that, by answering, she would only find herself subjected to more mental poking and prodding.
She stood there for several more rings before realizing for the first time in weeks she needed to make a decision. That she had a choice. She crossed the room.
"Hello?"
"It's Gareth." The connection crackled, indicating that he was on a cellphone.

Tessa sank on the bed, the sound of his voice softening her knees. "Where are you?"
The melancholy note in her voice tore at him. "I'm on my way to the coroner's office."
Matt's autopsy was scheduled for late this evening, and Gareth couldn't let his friend suffer that final indignity alone. "I just wanted to make sure that you were okay."
Okay? She looked around the austere room. She'd be better if he were there with her. Then she recalled Barry's words. It's best if Gareth stays away.
"Tessa, is something wrong?"
"I'm tired," she hedged. "It's....... been a long day."
Gareth frowned, trying to imagine what it had been like for her, cursing the state of affairs that kept them apart. He'd spent most of the morning at the compound with a small army of crime scene technicians, helping tag and ID evidence. Then he'd started the tedious process of debriefing. Though most of the criminal acts he'd witnessed had already been meticulously documented through another field agent, Gareth had over eighteen months to cover.

He didn't want to think about what lay ahead. The mountains of paperwork, the interviews, the depositions. There would be multiple charges. A case of this size, with international scope, would take months to build. The trials could stretch interminably. Then there would be appeals. It was far from over. For him and for Tessa.
While part of him knew he had to leave her alone, bow out of the picture, he couldn't. She'd become an integral part of his existence these past weeks. She'd come into his world and breathed life back into what little humanity he'd had left.
Leading a double life, going that deep undercover for so long extracted a heavy toll. She'd saved him even before he'd realized he'd needed saving. And she'd reminded him of why he'd taken on this assignment in the first place. To uphold justice. To serve.
To protect the innocent.

He winced, recalling Tessa's innocence. Even now, he wanted her, missed her presence. He'd been questioned extensively over the issue of whether their physical relationship had been truly consensual. Tessa had, after all, been held against her will. Whether he could have been stronger, resisted a little more, was a moot point. He also knew it wouldn't be the last he heard on the matter. He knew he was expected to keep a professional distance from her. But he couldn't simply forget and walk away.
She had affected him deeply. Was different from anyone he'd ever met. And it bothered him that the why was so elusive. Had it truly been in the heat of the moment? The life-or-death intensity of their circumstances? Would he feel different if they'd hadn't slept together?
He thought back to his prior relationships. He'd managed okay with casual affairs- the ones where sex was the glue. But the most important ones he's screwed up.
So where did Tessa fit in?
He didn't know. And right now, he didn't have time to give it more thought. Right now, he needed to put her mind at rest about another matter.
"I spoke to Barry earlier. He said you'd seen a doctor. I know that wasn't pleasant. I know the questions they asked weren't easy." Hell, none of this was easy, so he waded right in. "I wanted to assure you that I'm in perfect health, Tessa."

Tessa knew immediately what he was referring to. STDs. She flushed, glad now for her solitude.
"Thanks," she stammered, her mind fumbling for a different topic.
But Gareth wasn't finished. "and if you're pregnant...."
"No!" The word escaped unbidden, the denial too sharp." I mean, I can't be."
Her tone told him two things: She wasn't certain, and the subject upset her. Hell, the subject unsettled him, but it didn't relieve him from his responsibility. He tried to pick his next words carefully. The last thing he wanted to do was cause her more anguish.
"I just want you to know that I'm here for you if you are pregnant and -" The hiss of static cut him off.
The next word she heard was 'shit.' More static, "I'm losing my signal," he said. "Can we talk about this tomorrow?"
The last thing she wanted to think about or discuss was the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy. However, she did want to see him. Talk about other things. She'd made up her mind that she wanted to hear him tell her himself how this entire situation came to happen. She wanted to hear it from him, as Gareth, the FBI agent, so that she could put to rest Dane, the man she had begun to hold dear to her heart.
"Tomorrow," she confirmed.
But the line had already gone dead.