Chapter 37 Is This Goodbye?

Chapter 37 Is This Goodbye?
Gareth's jaw hurt like a son of a bitch.
He levered himself off the ground as Tessa backed away, visibly shocked by what she had done.
"Oh my God, I---" she whirled, disappearing into the edgy chaos surrounding them.
"Tessa, wait!"

A car barreled past Gareth, its tires spinning in the mud, the trampled vegetation offering scarce traction. He shot the driver a look and then tore after Tessa, almost catching her before he realized his intent. He slowed. He couldn't just overpower her. Force her to listen to him.
Or handcuff her to the nearest bed and make love to her until her anger passed and there was only pure, honest sensation.
Dane would have done that.
Gareth couldn't.

His temper sparked, wanting to flare as he struggled to contain his frustration, reluctant to give her space. He couldn't. Not yet. Not until they'd talked. Actually, he just needed her to listen. He wanted to do all the talking. Unfair as hell, he knew, but he wanted it just the same. He scowled at his own narrow-mindedness. Tessa had every right to be mad. She had a right to demand answers. To scream....to cry....to rail against the injustices she'd been forced to endure.
Instead, she sucker-punched him and fled.
Of all the outcomes he'd imagined, this hadn't been one of them.

Peeling off his muddy jacket, he stepped around the open door of the patrol car and into the noisy clearing beside the house. The yellow glare of headlights artificially illuminated the night, giving everything a surreal appearance. The rain had picked up again, in earnest, soaking him anew. He noticed several officers huddled near a battered trailer, talking on two-way radios, an impromptu command center. The raid was multi-jurisdictional and included officers from the FBI, ATF, the county sheriff, and the state police. Even though everyone would have been briefed before the raid that Gareth was an undercover agent, he got more than one second glance, more than one inquisitive stare. So had Tessa, which bothered him. A lot.

He knew how a grapevine worked at a major crime scene. Knew many of them had already put two and two together. They knew Tessa had been Gareth's hostage. His feelings of protectiveness ballooned as he watched Tessa's blonde head weave through the commotion. For a moment, he debated getting Barry Neilson to go after her. Maybe for her sake, Gareth needed to back away. Give her time. But when he saw the direction she was headed, he started swearing again. Quickening his pace, he ran, hoping to cut her off.

Tessa didn't care where she went. The need to get away, to be alone, drove her blindly. Had everyone but her known that Dane was an undercover FBI agent? That Dane wasn't even his name? She ducked around vehicles, avoiding stares, hating the pity she glimpsed in more than one face. A large van emblazoned STATE POLICE loomed directly in her path. A uniformed officer headed towards her, hand raised. "Stop, Ma'am."
Tessa stepped sideways, intent only on bypassing the officer. To her horror, she came face-to-face with Bogen.
His hands were cuffed behind his back, and officers flanked either side. His trademark sunglasses were gone, his scared face more frightening than ever. Bogen snarled when he saw her.
"Well, if it ain't Hayes' whore! I should have taken care of you that same night! I still might."
Even as he spoke, the officers shoved Bogen into the van and out of sight. Though the confrontation lasted only seconds, Tessa felt herself start to shake. She turned, struggling to retrace her steps, unsure of where to go. She felt sick, scared, humiliated. Utterly helpless.

A hand gently grasped her shoulder. Strong, familiar arms embraced her. Even now, she didn't think, didn't hesitate to turn to Dane...Gareth. Whatever the hell his name was. She didn't care.
"Tessa."
"Make it go away," she wept. "Tell me this whole thing is one big nightmare. Wake me the hell up! Right now!"
Gareth saw the depth of her torment, knew it was something he couldn't fix. "I'm so sorry, Tessa."
She lowered her head against his chest, giving in to the nearly debilitating need for comfort, not caring who was watching or what they thought.
Behind them, ATF agents and SWAT team members filed in and out of the basement, carrying confiscated weaponry. Gareth tugged her away, into the darkness, shielding her from prying eyes.
When they were alone, he smoothed the wet hair from her forehead, pressed his lips to her temple as he enfolded her against his body, offering her warmth. Her clothes were soaked. Her skin felt clammy, and she was trembling from the shock.

Gareth held her tightly, letting the tears flow, wishing he had the words to heal her anguish. But nothing that formed in his mind felt enough. There wasn't a damn thing he could do to make it better. He wanted to pick her up in his arms and kiss her until neither of them remembered the pain, the problems. The mess that was their life, their relationship. And they did have a relationship---good or bad---whether either of them wanted to admit it or not.
When she quieted, Gareth pulled a bandana from his pocket and pressed it into her hand. The muffled sounds and shouts coming from the compound intruded, shattering the fragile moment.
Tessa straightened, wiping her eyes.
"Dane.....sorry, Gareth. I don't even know what to call you." She stepped away, crossing her arms to ward off the chill.
He knew there were a lot of things she could call him, and was grateful that she didn't. He stepped closer but kept his hands at his sides. She had to be freezing, but he sensed that she would resist any attempt to draw her back in his arms.

"We need to get you someplace warm. I'll have Barry take you---"
"Are you coming too?" She pinned him with eyes that were huge, sad; her voice low, anxious. "I...I don't want to go anywhere without you."
Gareth knew what that admission cost her, could sense her inner turmoil. He wished he could promise to stay at her side, to fight all the battles for her. But he couldn't. Besides, once she regained her bearings, she wouldn't want him to. Once she regained her bearings, she might hate him.
As if on cue, Barry stepped out of the shadows. He exchanged a knowing glance with Gareth. Both of them had dealt with hostage situations and knew the tumult of emotion experienced upon release. Barry, however, definitely had the advantage of professional distance on this case.
"Gareth needs to stay here a little longer," Barry interjected smoothly. "I'll take you somewhere quiet. You can contact your family. Then we need to get a statement."

Tessa cast a wary look in Gareth's direction, her uncertainty plain.
"You can trust him," Gareth said. "He'll take care of you, keep you safe."
Safe? Tears stung her eyes. For the past three weeks, the only time she'd felt safe had been with Dane. The need to stay close to him battled with her desire to retreat. "When will I see you again?"
"Soon."
Tessa noticed the slight flattening of his lips, the evasive shift of his eyes. Soon? It felt like a brush-off. She stiffened. Why had she expected more? He had a job to do....had been doing his job all along. She moved toward Barry, taking yet another step away from Gareth. From Dane.
"Do you want me to get your personal belongings from the cabin?" Gareth offered.
"No."

Tessa suddenly felt exhausted. Befuddled. More than anything, she wanted to be alone. To try and make sense of what had happened. "I don't want anything to remind me of the time I spent here."
And with that, she walked away. Never bothering to turn back.