Chapter 129 Father? (II)
Kristen's POV
Who would have thought that a strange man would show up one day and claim to be my father when I least expected it?
Mom said she had one drunken night with a stranger and she never saw him again, even when she figured she was carrying me.
And now, twenty-one years later, he's here. Right at the time his daughter was heavily pregnant.
"Please give us privacy," I tell Calhoun because he's just standing at my back like a bodyguard.
"Are you sure about that?" Calhoun grabs my wrist and turns me to face him.
"Yes," I nod.
"I need to stay here as your man, to protect you in case he tries to hurt you." Calhoun casts a suspicious glance at the man, clearly showing that he doesn't trust him.
"He won't hurt me," I assure Calhoun, after observing the man at my side.
"Kristen..."
"Just go, Calhoun...please," I implore because I really need some time alone to get answers from this man.
"Fine, but I'll leave the door open," Calhoun thins his lips.
I give him a firm nod and he reluctantly makes his way out, leaving me with just my father.
Calling this man my father in my head seems very strange.
"You should sit," my voice is hard and unwelcoming as I slide into a chair.
He nods and obliges.
My heart breaks a little upon seeing how shabbily dressed he is, and what hurts the most is the fact that I've longed for a father all these years, after growing up with mom. I never had even a father's love.
He's not tall and I don't bear any resemblance to him, but he has the same color of eyes as me.
"You stayed away for twenty-one years..." I pause, expecting him to pick up from where I stopped.
He looks away from me and sighs.
"I never knew I had a daughter until last week, as I happened to run into Natalie and clearly remember she was the drunk sixteen-year- old who kept throwing herself over me at the club. I came to visit someone in the pack, so I was new. It was never my intention to hook up with Natalie, but she kept on insisting and making advances at me. I didn't even know her name then."
I look away from him for a split second because the way he just described the occurrence with my mom, reminds me of how I approached Calhoun on the night of my twenty-first birthday and asked him to have sex with me.
Like mother, like daughter. My subconscious slams me, and embarrassment cascades through me.
"Natalie didn't even recognize me, but I did and introduced myself. She went wild, hit me a couple of times, and accused me of ruining her life because she was kicked out of her pack since she got pregnant with you."
"You kind of made her life shitty, and growing up was complicated for me. I kept wishing you would show up one day even if I didn't know you. But you didn't.
"I admit I am at fault, and honestly apologizing won't change anything. But I am so sorry." Father looks at me with this yearning for connection and I feel my throat getting tight, as I start to get emotional.
It's not the pregnancy hormones, it's just me feeling this way because I missed out on having a father's love. He wasn't there when mom abused me. I went through a whole lot while growing up with a single mother who hardly ever cared for me.
"Where have you been all these while?"
"Away, I lost everything and became a shadow of myself. I think it's my own punishment for ruining your mother's life."
"So you think I'm a mistake?"
"No, I would never," he quickly defends himself. "It still feels surreal that I have someone like you as a daughter...and you're pregnant." Having him add the last part makes me slide the zipper on my leather jacket, to hide my bump. I don't even know why I did it. He's still a stranger to me.
And I don't fail to see how pain flashes through his eyes.
"I am not even fit to be called your father, my life is a mess and no one wants me. So it's okay if you see me as everyone else," he tips his head down but I don't fail to see the sad smile on his face before he
did that.
"Where have you been staying?" I find myself asking him this
question before I can even stop myself.
"Nowhere, I'm homeless," he replies.
"Homeless?" I blink in confusion.
And he nods.
"Yes, I don't want to be perceived as an intruder in anyone's pack. So
I just hide."
I stay silent, trying to digest what I just heard from him.
To think my father has been suffering this whole time makes me
twice as unsettled as his presence.
And then he surprises me by rising to his feet.
"I should go, I don't want to make you feel any more uncomfortable. Seeing you and knowing you're fine is enough for me." He smiles at
me.
And my heart quakes in my chest.
"Wait," I stop him, just as he's about to turn away from me to take
his leave.
When he stops and looks at me, I stand up.
"What do you think you're doing?" My voice is sharp.
"Did I offend you?" Father appears confused for the first time since his arrival.
"How can you just show up and try to leave as quickly as you came?"
spot someone peeping through the small opening of the door. It's Calhoun. He's been listening to our conversation this whole time but I don't even care.
"I don't want to be a nuisance to you," Father has a small awkward smile on his lips. But his eyes betray him. They look sad even though he's trying to not make it seem obvious.
"I never called you a nuisance," I walk until I am standing in front of him. Not even minding that he smells and looks bad.
And he heaves deeply, before putting his hands right behind him.
"No one wants me around them, Kristen. You shouldn't be different."
"You didn't know about me for twenty-one years, you can't just leave like that," I point out. Tears are already brimming in my eyes.
Father is completely stunned when he sees the tears.
"Don't tell me you're crying because of someone worthless like me."
"You're not worthless, dammit!" I snap when my heart clenches tightly in my chest.