Chapter 61: Keenan's Heart

Keenan sat at the end of his bed, the hard, petrified bed that was still in the guest room. His elbows rested on his thighs as he leaned forward, his mind wandering back and forth, back to his long argument with his wife, whom he had just left.

He had been unable to leave his study for several minutes after she left him there, and now he felt helpless. His mind was filled with guilt for not being able to stop her from leaving. He knew that continuing to encourage her to stay would only make the situation more difficult.

He had to admit that it was all his fault because he kept refusing to tell her what he had been hiding all this time. He kept refusing to give her everything—every answer, every truth, and every part of himself.

But he also blamed her for continuing to refuse to trust him completely. He lowered his head and let his hand run through his hair. His fingers combed through the soft strands of his hair before tugging desperately.

*Why couldn't she wait?* He had already told her that he couldn't reveal everything, not yet. It was only a matter of time before he could give Aishleen everything she wanted. All he had to do was to make sure that he would be able to protect her from the last remaining threat, for even he still had his doubts if he would be able to protect her all the time.

*"Why is it so difficult for you to tell me what you really want?"* Her words were still ringing in his head after she had said them earlier.

*Why can't I? Do I really know what I want? How can I tell you what my heart really wants when I'm too afraid that it will only drive you away from me?*

One of the main reasons he can't be true to his heart and tell her what he feels is because his past keeps reminding him of what happened to *her* the last time he did just that. He gave it his all, opening his heart just once, only to be betrayed and shattered.

*No*, he cursed himself. He shouldn't be so worried. She was not that woman. She was not the same person who had done this to him years ago, who had betrayed him for wealth and money. He let out a bitter laugh when he finally realized that Aishleen was right not to trust him completely. How could he, when he kept building walls between them. How he always shut down when she tried to tear them down, thinking that she had only done it for the sake of her mother's revenge.

He realized now how he had been telling himself over and over again, making himself believe that she was only staying with him because of a contract. His pathetic way of trying to protect himself from his heartache. How he kept denying the fact that Aishleen had shown him the opposite. And the only reason she was holding back was because he wasn't showing her how much he wanted to give in to her.

Keenan closed his eyes and let the images he had secretly stored in his memory fill his mind, as he always did when he was alone. It still felt unreal, even today, when he replayed the memory in his mind.

Keenan could always easily recall those moments. He remembered how he had been able to hold her in his arms for the first time, to share the warmth of her skin that allowed him to feel every part of her, both inside and out. He remembered how Aishleen writhed beneath him, how her skin felt compared to the white linen sheets that eventually tangled easily between her fingers as he made love to her on that warm night of their honeymoon in the Maldives.

His heart always felt so heavy when he thought about how she looked that night. The way her naked chest heaved with every deep breath she took as her hips moved to the same rhythm as his. All he wanted at that moment was to stop time, freeze the moment forever and never come back to reality, just to stay in that moment. He truly felt like he was on cloud nine as he surrendered completely to the woman and she did the same.

Keenan opened his eyes and his memory took him back to another moment when he had a conversation with his father-in-law after the honeymoon. He remembered the message the older man had given him then—*"Don't let her know about this. It will only make it harder for her to trust you.”*

*Secrets*. Too many secrets. He swore again and again as he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, realizing once again that he was the one who kept giving her reasons not to trust him. There were too many secrets Keenan kept inside that he still couldn't decide where to start if he had to reveal them to Aishleen. And there were too many secrets around him that he couldn't possibly know if any of them might make her hate him even more after he told her the truth.

Keenan sat up and looked at the clock on the wall.

Two hours had passed. And now he couldn't stop wondering what she was doing, what thoughts were going through her head, and whether or not she had signed the papers. The last one was making his whole body shake and tremble. He began to wonder if he really wanted Aishleen to sign them, to cancel their agreement. And he began to wonder if he could stop her.

The moment this thought crossed his mind, he turned to push himself off the bed and walk away, as if his body had a mind of its own and was ready to rush in and stop the woman from what she was about to do with the last one. But when he turned his eyes to the door, he found his wife already standing in the doorway, staring at him.

He sat on the bed and patiently watched as Aishleen entered the room and stood in front of him, moving to face him while he was still sitting on the edge of the bed.

Keenan felt his heart ache at the sight of his wife's puffy eyes and the dried tears visible just below her lashes. He clasped his fingers in his lap to stop himself from rushing over and wiping them away, not quite sure if it was the right thing to do.

"Aishleen," he called her name softly, not quite sure what to say to her. All he could do was let the words flow in his head.

*Has she signed it yet? Do I still have a chance to explain? What if I—*

"Is it only because of Darrel's request that you came to see me?" she suddenly spoke in a hurry, as if she was clinging to the need to get a proper answer from him. The way she looked at her husband said it all. But Keenan was already preparing to answer her with all the truth.

"No," he answered her question calmly. "I was prepared to run to you if necessary. I had already decided to take care of you before Darrel came and asked me to."

"Are you—" her voice caught in her throat. Aishleen spoke more slowly this time, allowing Keenan to hear the hoarse, dry tone that came after crying. "Have you really been protecting me all this time? That contract was really an excuse—not to bind me, but just to give me a reason to marry you right after the funeral, right?"

Keenan felt his heart break, but also relieved. Because she had figured it all out on her own.

"Yes, that's right. I just couldn't reveal it yet, until I could make sure that the information didn't get to 'them'. Because if they find out that I was never on their side, then it will be dangerous for both of us. And I know you well enough to know that after the death of the man who was supposed to be your future husband, you will most likely reject any kind of proposal, no matter who comes to you with the proposal. And I also know that you will most likely leave town as soon as possible if I don't make a move and take the opportunity quickly. If you leave before I do, it will be impossible for me to protect you.

Aishleen nodded. "I understand—" her voice trembled, breaking with a sob that almost escaped. But as she lowered her face and looked away from his gaze, she let the corners of her lips form a small smile.

Keenan bit his lip, his eyes glued to the folder she was holding. "Have you decided?" he asked tensely.

Slowly, she looked up at him, staring for a moment before taking a deep breath and standing straight in front of him.

"Yes, I did," Aishleen replied. She blinked back the tears she was about to shed. She held the folder of papers tightly in her hands. The stack of papers felt very heavy, a symbol of the great burden she carried and the great influence it had on her life, even her entire future. "I've decided that I probably don't want to continue with this contract anymore," she said firmly.

Keenan sighed deeply, his breath coming in short gasps. He bowed his head, ready to accept defeat, until—

"But I don't want this either," Aishleen interrupted with a shaking voice.

Aishleen held up the yellow folder that had been given to her, the contract that would end the marriage agreement she had been holding onto. His eyes were fixed on the folder, and he continued to stare at it as the woman tore the paper folder and its contents in half. Aishleen did not say anything to him as she let the torn papers fall to the floor, a soft thud filling the room as the papers shifted and were scattered around her feet.

Keenan lifted his cold gaze from the fallen papers and their eyes met in a tense silence. He watched intently as Aishleen walked toward him, her hands on either side of her body, stepping on the scattered papers with steady strides.

Keenan watched Aishleen's fingers, no longer trembling, mesmerized by the sunlight shining on the wedding ring on her finger.

Then he looked up to meet her soft, warm gaze with his own.

"I want you," Aishleen finally spoke, breaking the tension in the room. "Just you. Not your title, not your wealth. And not as your prisoner, but as your partner. A partner equal to you—"

Keenan cut her off with a quick leap from his bed, jumping forward to catch Aishleen in his warm embrace. His fingers gently wrapped around her wrist, pulling her closer so that her body fell into Keenan's arms, his arms around her waist. He didn't even give her a chance to react, muffling her screams as he pressed his lips to hers.

The kiss was so urgent, and the way he hugged Aishleen's body made her feel how afraid he was of letting her slip away and disappear from his grasp. Aishleen returned his kiss passionately before slowly reducing the intensity and carefully changing the pace into the most tender kiss they had ever experienced together.

"Anything," Keenan said as he pulled away. The look in his eyes was more desperate as he rested his forehead on hers. "I'll give you anything as long as you stay here with me. As long as I can keep you."

"Ken," Aishleen called his name in a breathless voice before she felt the kiss return.