Chapter 59

Chapter 59
Iris

He was sweating and shaking when I woke up. I heard him, almost wheezing beside me. His panic all over his face when I looked over at him. I could see his wide eyes staring into the nothingness. I ran my hands down his cheeks to ground him and had to basically yell at him to get his attention. When he finally looked like he knew I was there, I kissed him softly to help ground him more. I knew what it was like having panic attacks. It’s hell. I don't know what he saw while he was gone, but it affected him deeply. “Are you okay?” I asked softly as he relaxed back into the headboard. “I think so.” He whispered. He almost looked embarrassed by what had happened. “I have panic attacks all the time.” I admitted trying to make him feel better. He looked over at me and smiled. “You are so beautiful!” His words obviously an attempt to change the subject. I smiled and allowed him to distract me. He kissed me harder than I had initially kissed him. “Babygirl, what is going on with you?” He said holding my head in his hands. I looked down at the blanket. It was my turn to feel ashamed. “I shouldn’t have had the alcohol on top of the pain meds.” It wasn't an explanation, but it was all I was willing to admit at that moment. How could I tell him that I am not the innocent young girl he thinks I am. He will see me differently. He may not even want me to be his anymore. I couldn’t imagine being anything but his now. “I’m sorry.” I looked over at him. I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes. He wiped them away and smiled at me. “I love you, Iris.” He said before kissing me softly and pulling me into him. It hurt, pushing my body into his, but it was well worth the pain.  

I rested my head on his chest and ran my hand along his arm, hoping to help him relax. Exhaustion pulled at me as I focused on his heartbeat, a steady reassurance amid our storm of emotions. My fingers traced patterns on his arm, grounding us in the moment's fragile peace. Questions loomed beneath the surface, unspoken and unanswered. I sensed his inner turmoil, mirroring my own, though we hid it in silence to avoid burdening each other. Pain had bound us tightly, forging intimacy through survival. As his breathing deepened and tension eased, I clung to this quiet reprieve, uncertain of tomorrow but hopeful for lighter shadows and fewer battles. For now, existing in each other's presence was enough—a shared solitude that felt both soothing and promising. When I knew he was sleeping peacefully, I allowed myself to slip back into slumber.  

“Iris!” My father yelled from his office. I didnt want to walk in there. I didnt want to answer for the information I knew he had intercepted. I kept walking towards the stairs to go hide in my bedroom until he was too distracted by business to question me. While walking up the stairs my father’s second in command yelled from the bottom. “Flower!” Becker always called me flower, due to my name. I turned and looked at him desperately. “Tell him I went to bed, please.” He shook his head. “You know I can't do that.” He said, always the good soldier. “Fine.” I huffed as I walked back down the stairs. When I walked into his office, he glared at me.  “Your mother phoned me. What is this about you going to college in California?” He said without looking up from his computer. “Father, I...” This time he looked straight at me. “You want to get out of her house and away from that monster she has living there.” His words were a shock to me. How did he know about that? My father was the most powerful man in five states but had no ties to California. Which is why I wanted to go to school there. He blames my mother and her boyfriend, but I don't want to be here with him either. The money and the power means nothing to me when it is covered in darkness and blood. I looked at my hands, intertwining my fingers anxiously. “Iris, why didn't you tell me about him?” I looked up at him like he was crazy. I didn’t tell him because he would make him disappear. I was tired of death and destruction in my life. I didn't want to cause more of it. “You would kill him.” I whispered while he stared at me waiting for a reply. “We will kill him. You must learn, you are the daughter of a mafia boss, a king, and you are not a weak powerless girl.” He walked over to me and reached for my hand. My father had never shown me the affection that you get from a regular father. He sent me money and gifts, had my second-grade teacher fired for putting me in time out, but to hug me was unheard of. He pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me. “You are my daughter Iris. You are the future queen. This is all yours, and I am going to show you what that means.”  

As much as I hated to admit it, I wanted to be close to him. The taste of darkness and power was tempting to me. I went to my room and pondered the thought of killing my mother’s sick and twisted boyfriend. Could I, do it? Could I take someone’s life? He had hurt me, tried to do unspeakable things to me. Chased me out the door and told my mother it was because I had stolen his money. Thats why I was staying with my father. My mother sent me away for him. Could I take his life? I had almost a year before I could leave and go to California for college. I wasn’t going back to that life. I grabbed the bottle from under my pillow I had taken from my mother before I ran. I swallowed three of the opioids inside of it and laid back on my bed. Throwing on some headphones and blaring rock music in my ears while my mind raced. Could I, do it? Could I give in to the darkness I knew lived inside of me? The darkness I tried to ignore and trap away. The blood from my father running through my veins. As the pain pills filled my system, the answer became clear. The darkness inside of me felt more and more tempting. Iris the flower, the little girl who constantly tried to outrun the sins of her father, the weakness of her mother, now becoming her father’s apprentice. Yes, why not. Someone was yelling for me, while I laid there listening to the music, contemplating all the sins I had stopped myself from committing. “IRIS?” I closed my eyes tighter and turned up the tunes. “IRIS... IRIS... IRIS...”  

I jumped awake, now it was my turn to be covered in sweat. “You got to wake up Babygirl, it's time to eat and take your meds.” Ryker stood there in front of me bringing me back to the present. He reached for my hand, smiling sweetly at me. He only knew the few things I had told him, He had no idea what I was, who I was, and I couldn't tell him.