Cruel to her

Cruel to her

I saw a bundle of sheets on the side of the bed, covered in blood and other fluids while I woke up on the bare bed, without any sheets. I squinted against the bright sunlight hitting my face. Lifting my arm, I covered my eyes and rolled over the bed, trying to slip back into the sleep I had been woken from.

The cold air of the room kissed my partly bare skin, raising goosebumps along my arms and legs. My muscles ached, my insides ached, everything ached. I was sore, far from sore. I was hollow, empty. It felt worse than anything else.

The room was eerily silent and I didn’t like it.

I shoved the blanket away from my body and sat up straight. My hand planted against the mattress and I wondered, for only a moment, that if I hadn’t stabbed Lucien last night, it would’ve been a lot different today.

With a sigh, I stood and my body quickly weakened from the sudden movement, almost falling back on the bed. His scent still lingered on my skin, it was inches deep now and even a hot shower wasn’t going to take it away. But I still took the shower. I needed it more than anything else.

It eased some of the ache if not all. By the time I was done, I felt somewhat better. But deep inside, guilt and fear coursed through me like never.

The night was over and I was beginning to count my breaths.

When I stepped out of my room, it was quiet. There was no one walking across the empty hallways of this house and there was no certain smell lingering in the air. I looked around for a few seconds and when I didn’t see anyone, I walked further and headed toward the kitchen where I knew I was going to find Estella.

Biting my cheek, I stepped into the kitchen and found her.

She didn’t know anything—I had to keep it that way.

But what was going to happen when she found the bloody sheets in my room? It wasn’t a rogue who attacked Lucien, it was me. I did it and no one saw it coming, not even me.

"How are you doing?" She quickly came to me to ask.

"I thought of checking on you earlier but I thought it would be better if you rested a while more."

"I'm fine, thank you," I looked around, still seeking for someone, some scent of him but there was none. "Where's Lucien?"

"He's in his room, dear. Whatever you need, I can help you with it."

"How's he doing? Did you talk to him? Did he tell you anything?" I asked her, questions and questions. I wanted to know what was in his mind, what he intended on doing with me. Leaving me squirming earlier wasn’t the only thing going on in his mind and I knew that.

There was more. With him, there was always more.

"No. I haven't spoken to him or seen him yet. I suppose he's still resting. The attack earlier must’ve been brutal. Where did it happen?" She questioned me instead.

I stopped looking around. My gaze fell on her and I lost myself in her inquiry. What was I supposed to tell her? The truth? I didn’t even know myself. "I-I don't know, it's just all a blur." I quickly said. It was something at least.

Her hand reached out, touching my shoulder. She guided me toward the seat and let me sit.

"Are you okay, Aurora?"

"Yes," I nodded. "I'm fine. Just—I’ll be fine." I glanced back over my shoulder, seeing through the doorway hoping I could catch a glimpse of him.

My heart raced. At that point, I didn’t know if I was scared of him or scared for him after last night. Should I have been cautious? Or should he have been?

Estella patted my shoulder once more, taking me out of my thoughts. "There's something troubling you, my dear. I can see it in your eyes. Is it what happened earlier in the night? Rogues often cross this path of north, they are usually taken down by the wolves patrolling the borders. There's nothing to worry about."

It wasn’t rogues.

"I..." My voice trailed off, unsure how much to reveal or whether I should even. I glanced up at her, my eyes wide and attentive. Everything played in my mind again, from the very first time I saw Lucien and till last night. "Is there something?"

"What?"

"Is there something he's hiding from me?"

"Wh-why would you think that?" She stepped back. Hesitation—it was clear she knew something.

I stood up from my seat. "There is something, isn’t there? Something he isn’t telling me or something he doesn’t want me to know about himself?" I didn’t stop.

"I mean, why would he trap me here? Why wouldn’t he let me go see my mother? Not even for once. Why had he been refusing to drink straight from the source? It's more than complicated with him, it's maddening. It's like he doesn’t have a bone of empathy. No one is like that, no one can be. Unless there's something."

She fell silent, her gaze shifting from mine. I saw the struggle in her eyes. Her lips parted as if to say something, only to close again. There was something. It wasn’t just my mind running wild with assumptions and theories.

There was some secret lingering in the walls of this house, something he didn’t want to tell me and neither did anyone else.

What was it?

Nothing with Lucien made sense. Nothing.

I remembered his touch, the warmth his touch gave me. I remembered his kiss, passionate and demanding. I remembered the hardness in his eyes, the cold in his voice. But I also remembered his softer moments, his vulnerability that seemed so out of place on his rugged self.

"Tell me, Estella." My voice cut through the silence and I grabbed her arm. The desertion seeped into my words. "What is it with him? I know there's something you know, you've to tell me."

"Aurora," she began, her voice barely above a whisper.

"It's not that simple."

"Then make it simple." I snapped. "I need to understand. I need to know why he's doing this, why he's treating me this way. Why he is like—who he is?"

She stayed silent for a moment and then sighed. "I wish I could help you. But it’s his secrets to tell, not mine.

When he's ready, he'll tell you."

So there was something.

I didn’t let go of it so easily.

"No," I held her hand tighter. "Tell me."

"I can't." She shook her head and trembled. Fear gushed into her eyes, but she wasn’t afraid of me.

"Is it another woman?" I questioned. "Was he in love before? Perhaps, another woman? Is that why he's so cruel to me?"

"Aurora, you’ve to stop before you hurt yourself. This isn't for you to know and it isn't for me to tell."