Chapter 131 - Inseparable

Nash

I never liked hospitals. I equated the smell of antiseptic with death. I had traumatic memories of my friends in some hastily erected sick-bay tent, their bodies burned, their limbs blown off, or so riddled with bullets they looked like Swiss cheese. I tried to remind myself that I was in a place where babies were being born, and the noisy children in the waiting room were not sick or dying, they were just waiting for the scheduled well-child check-ups.

Still, I was uneasy. Especially since everything in the Women and Children’s wards was so… pink, and feminine and delicate. Even the damned chairs seemed to scream, no men allowed! Suddenly, having another man on the team didn’t seem like such a bad idea. The way those women were eyeing me, I thought I might need the back up.

My head was telling me I shouldn’t be okay with this. I should put my fist in the guy's face for putting his hands on my woman, and make no doubt about it, Daphne was my woman. So why didn’t I feel enraged that she had slept with Louis? Why wasn’t I burning with jealousy when she held his hand?

It hurt my brain to think too hard about it. I was being brainwashed by all the mate-bond b.ullshit. After she hit me with this whole “you are the hinge” thing the night before, I started to think…if she is mine, and he is mine, then when they are together, its still like I’m together with them. When they had sex and I was stuck at a gas station convenience store getting it all in real time…it was like I was him, and he was me…I was there, I was with them.

Yeah, my brain was being squeezed in really odd and painful ways. But when I stopped over thinking and just went with my gut…my gut was weirdly okay with it.

I had no intention of spilling my guts to Louis there in the hallway, but when he put his hand on my arm like that, I was suddenly awash in this feeling of safety and comfort. I was a man whose business was about secrets and security, but I just blurt it out, my deepest, darkest fear. “I’m not fit to be a father.”

His fingers tightened on my arm, and his gaze softened with compassion. “Every man feels that way, at first. Everyone feels unequal to the task, believe me. I dare say most women question themselves too.” His mouth quirked into a half smile. “Maybe not Daphne, though. She’s the most ballsy woman I’ve ever met.”

I wanted to explain to him that it was more than just first-time-father jitters. I led a dangerous, violent life. I was out on missions and assignments far more than I was home. There was always the chance that one day I wouldn’t come back. Or God-forbid, I could bring the danger home with me.

Daphne had already gotten hurt because of my work. She’d risked everything to save me from the crazy bear in the woods. She had bled, not only for me, but because of me. Thank God she was a strong, badass wolf. But now we were talking about a baby! Something small, vulnerable, helpless…

What if I couldn’t keep him safe? What if I couldn’t stick around? What if that kid had to grow up without a father, like I had?

And suddenly, I realized, Louis was the solution.

My baby has two dads, Daphne had said.

Ah s.hit, it was brilliant! For the first time, this damn three-way mate-bond started to make a little sense.

Before I could open my mouth and put a voice to my epiphany, the door popped open, and Dr. Singh poked her head out. “All clear, gentlemen, you can come in,” she said, while drying her hands on a wad of paper towels. “I’m just going to go get the ultrasound cart, I’ll be right back.”

Louis and I both moved to go through the door at the same time, and practically got wedged in the narrow space together in our rush to get back to Daphne. Those awful stirrups had been folded and stowed at the sides of the table. Daphne had slipped her pants and underwear back on, and now had the gown bunched up under her breasts, ready for the ultra-sound wand.

“Everything okay?” Louis asked her, as he stopped to stroke her forehead.

She made a face. “Awesome. Everything looks healthy and normal, according to Dr. Singh.”

Dr. Singh came back shortly, pushing a wheeled cart with a computer and equipment on it. It took her a moment to get everything plugged in and ready, then she pushed the cart next to the table. “Normally we would send you over to the ultrasound department, but since you are already starting your second trimester, I think it would be best if we took a look right now. Okay, if you just lower your waist band, I need that space under your belly button. A little cold now…” she squirted a gel onto Daphne’s belly and then pushed a wand through it. With her other hand, she started pushing buttons on the keyboard.

A static sound was emitted from the machine, and then some crackling as Dr. Singh depressed the probe and moved it around. I looked for something baby-shaped on the computer screen, but all I saw was black and white snow at first. Then the static sound coalesced into a steady bump and swish. Like my own heart beat, only much faster. “There’s what we were looking for,” the doctor said happily as she tapped some buttons. “Now let’s see if we can get a good look at your baby.”

She moved the probe around some more, and then something white began to take shape in the blackness on the screen. At first it still didn’t look like a baby…it was a blob, a circle, and then it was two circles…and then the circles seemed to sprout arms and legs and something that looked decidedly like a nose. “Do you want to know the sex?”

“Yes,” I said.

At the same time, Daphne said, “No.” She gave me an apologetic smile. “I’d really like to be surprised.”

“I hate surprises.”

There was a flicker of disappointment in her eyes, and I instantly felt bad. “But okay, I guess we’ll keep it a mystery.”

“Actually, he or she is a bit shy,” the doctor said, pushing the probe around in the gel again. “I can’t really get a good look between the legs…” I wasn’t sure if she was serious, or if she was just trying to smooth things over between us.

I glanced up at Louis, who had not voiced an opinion on knowing the baby’s gender. He was holding Daphne’s hand and staring at the monitor with tears in his eyes. “Beautiful,” he whispered, “Just perfect.”

I looked at the monitor again. To be honest, it didn’t look all that pretty to me. It looked a little bit like an alien with a big head and a little snub nose. The doctor seemed to be taking measurements with the computer.

“Can you tell if it’s going to be a wolf or a human?” Daphne asked.

“No,” the doctor said, still focusing on the screen. “As you know, dominant werewolf traits don’t really begin to manifest until puberty. But what I can say is that it looks like you have a strong healthy fetus, Ms. Redhawk.” She switched off the machine and handed Daphne a towel to clean up the goop from her stomach. “Have you felt the baby moving?”

“No, I don’t think so?”

“Well, that’s not uncommon for first time mothers. But as you can see, the baby was squirming around in there, so you should start to feel a small flutter any time now.”

“Um,” Daphne finished wiping off her stomach, adjusted her pants, and sat up. “I’m not really showing much. Shouldn’t I have a bump by now?”

The doctor smiled patiently, reached down to a printer on the bottom of the cart, and handed me a glossy print of the ultrasound picture. She produced a second and a third to give to Daphne and Louis.

Dr. Singh moved around to unplug the machine before she addressed Daphne’s question. “Every woman is a little different. You are reasonably tall and fairly fit, so that’s just how you are wearing this pregnancy. But the fundus measurements are all within normal ranges. Nothing to worry about.”

I breathed out a sigh of relief and looked down at the image. It still kind of looked like an alien to me. But, it was my alien, and that sent a weird little kick to my heart.

“So, everything looks good. I’ll have Stacy put you on the schedule for monthly checkups until thirty-six weeks, and then we’ll meet weekly after that. Here’s a prescription for some pre-natal vitamins. Werewolves have tremendously healthy pregnancies, but just as a precaution, I like to make sure all the bases are covered. Here’s a pamphlet about maintaining a healthy diet and active lifestyle, and here is another one about managing stress.” She plucked the folded papers from the counter by the sink and pressed them into Daphne’s hand.

“Any other questions?”

Daphne looked at me. I had a million questions, but none the doctor would be able to answer. She turned to Louis. He only smiled and shook his head. “No questions at this time, Dr. Singh. Thank you.”

“You are absolutely welcome, Ms. Redhawk. And, congratulations, your Highness. Mr. Turner. I look forward to seeing you all again.”

Daphne scooted off the table and started pulling on her bra and shirt. I just stood there, holding that picture, staring at that image. “Hey,” Daphne’s hand fell on my back. “Are you okay there, big guy?”

No. No I was not okay. It was all suddenly very, very real to me. I was going to be a father.

I might never be okay again.