Chapter 69

**Lily**

When I wasn’t forced by Chiara to talk to Adriana, I was sitting and staring in Matteo’s house. I didn’t have anything to do, but I also didn’t know what I wanted to do. Everything seemed pointless, but at least the sun was shining today. I dragged myself to the porch today, to sit and stare there.

“Lily!”, Guilia yelled and waved from afar when she saw me sitting there. “My savior! Come, I need your help.”, she said and dragged me out of my comfy chair. I tried to protest, but she was not hearing it. Like, literally not hearing it, because she just kept talking to shut me out, and meanwhile dragging me to her office.

“Here, sit.”, she said, and then she placed a big cup of coffee in front of me. “Have a look at this, will you? I know it is making a profit. A small one, I admit, but what am I doing wrong? No matter what I do, it ends up showing a loss.”, she said aggravated. Reluctantly, I picked up the paper she placed in front of me, and I went over the numbers.

I didn’t really want to do it, but Guilia had found my weak spot. You know, the one where your pride won’t let you ignore something? This was mine. I was too proud about being good with numbers, and it sounded like the easiest thing ever, so my pride was set on solving it. And all the rest of me could do was go with my pride.

At first glance, I could see she was right. It should be a profit. “Show me the spreadsheet.”, I said softly. I ignored the small smile starting on Guilia’s face when she pushed the laptop in front of me. The spreadsheet showed me the same, so I dove in deeper, testing the formulas. Nothing wrong with those.

I think I spent about an hour looking at the spreadsheet when I found it. When I looked up at her, ready to proudly show her the mistake, I got it. Guilia had done this on purpose.

“You!”, I muttered, because I was too dumbfounded to say anything else. Guilia laughed loudly, not even ashamed of her actions.

“I got you out of the house and doing something!”, Guilia laughed, and she did a small victory dance. But fast she calmed down and got more serious. “It was getting time for you to do something else than just sit and stare, Lily.”

I looked down at the laptop to not have to look her in the eyes, because I knew she was right. And if I wasn’t lying to myself, I would even admit that I had liked going through the spreadsheet. Even if it was a set-up and she knew exactly what was wrong because she sabotaged it herself!

I nodded slowly. “I know.”, I whispered.

“Why don’t you come and join me here? There is more than enough to do. I know it’s different, but it is still numbers. And spreadsheets.”, Guilia would have been a good saleswoman.

“Matteo wouldn’t let me.”, I whispered. Not really knowing if that was true, but it was an easy excuse to use. I hadn’t spoken to Matteo in a while, so I didn’t know what he would and wouldn’t let me.

“Lily,”, Guilia said, and she sat next to me as she held my hands in hers. “Matteo would let you do anything you want if he knew it would bring back the old Lily. He loves you.”

“I don’t know about that.”, I whispered.

“I do, Lily.”, Guilia said to end that discussion. “So, what do you say? Am I finally getting some help around here?”, Guilia asked with a hopeful smile.

I nodded. It felt better than anything I had done before. “But let me ease back into it.”

“Yes! Whatever it takes to get you on board!”, Guilia exclaimed, going back to her victory dance.

Adriana was impressed when I told her about my deal with Guilia. I don’t know what she expected me to do, or if she was more impressed with Guilia for convincing me, but I didn’t care really. Adriana was happy with my progress, and that was all that mattered.

I wasn’t ready to admit it yet, but I was glad that Chiara forced me to talk to Adriana. It helped me, I think, but there was still a major topic to cover. The topic of me and Matteo.

“Do you think that Matteo betrayed you?”, Adriana asked. Too bad she knew as well that this was the big topic still to tackle.

“I don’t know. I don’t think I would call it betrayal.”, I answered her. “Rationally, I fully understand that he needed to choose for his business. I mean, I do.”, I said. I took a deep breath. “But it hurts that he did.”

“It meant everything to him to be able to destroy that family, so I get it. I do. But I guess I didn’t expect that he would let them hurt me as much as they did.”, I clarified for her, though I wasn’t sure if I needed to.

“You know I think you should talk to each other.”, Adriana said, and I just nodded. I knew that, but that didn’t mean I wanted to.

“I think you will find that you have the same fears, and that all this pain and distance wouldn’t have been necessary.”, she stated.

Maybe that was true. But in order to find out, I would need to be vulnerable and open. Two things that I didn’t like to do now. Especially not towards him.

“Maybe you can start to tolerate him in larger groups? You know, you don’t have to talk to him, but just be okay with his presence when there are other people as well?”, Adriana suggested.

It sounded weird, but it wasn’t too bad of an idea. It had been hard to avoid him anyways. I think this will make it easier for everyone too. I might try this one out.

Day by day, I noticed myself feeling better. The other day, I caught myself whistling when I walked to Guilia’s office. She laughed at me when I caught myself, but I suppose it must have looked weird. It might even be the first time in a long while that I smiled.

I was also talking with Emma and Norah about getting together and going out for dinner, which was a milestone in itself. The only problem was that I would need to talk to Matteo about that. No way that Guilia would do that for me, that I knew for sure.

I just still got overwhelmed with emotions every time that I saw him, or even thought about him. He hurt me in the core of my being, but I continued to be angry at myself for still loving him. Why wouldn’t I just stop loving the man?

God, that would have made everything so much easier…

After sitting with Guilia for the morning, we got up to get some lunch. I didn’t want to call it working, even though it probably was. So, we called it sitting. I was having fun doing that.

While we walked into the kitchen of the main house, it was already quite busy in there. Busier than normal, with people that I didn’t recognize, but they sure knew who I was. I felt awkward when they continued to stare at me like I was some sort of weird sight to behold.

“Okay guys, that’s Lily, now let her eat in peace.”, Ennio’s voice boomed through the kitchen. I felt my cheeks flush even brighter.

Guilia guided me to the kitchen counter to make some lunch, but while getting there I heard the whispers.

She’s the one that got tortured. She’s the Bruno. She’s the one that lost her baby. She’s the one that Matteo wanted us to get out. She’s the one…

With every word that was whispered, I felt the tears crawling down my cheeks. Then I just lost it, and I ran out of the kitchen. I think Guilia yelled for me, but I didn’t want to be there and to be scrutinized.

I ran outside with no clear destination in mind, I just wanted to be away from there. I ran until I ran into a wall. A wall of muscles. A wall of a man that felt oddly familiar.

I looked up and froze. Matteo.