Chapter 46

**Matteo**

I needed to get through to her. I wanted her to understand my reasons for not sharing with her that I was a mafioso, a criminal. I sat on the floor next to my own fucking bedroom door, knees pulled up. My head was resting in my hands out of pure despair.

Last night, she made me sleep on the couch in the living room. She refused to talk to me face to face, and I admit that I didn’t handle it correctly yesterday. Tonight, I’d rather not sleep on the couch, because that thing almost broke my fucking back.

So, today I was determined to do a better job. I wanted her to listen, and I wanted a chance to explain myself. I wanted her to like me for some reason. I can’t remember the last time that I wanted a woman to stay, let alone to fight for her to stay.

I will stay here until she listens to me.

Originally, I wanted to talk to her first thing in the morning, but I got called away for business. The illegal kind of business. Between yesterday and today, something had shifted in the world I lived in. Suddenly, the Brunos wanted to talk to me, which hadn’t happened in forever. And I can’t deny, I was curious as to why they wanted to talk to me today. Obviously, the shooting yesterday changed things.

I went to the lion’s den today with Luciano and Ennio to hear what they wanted to say. They wanted to intimidate me, because of course they knew that we wanted to take over their territories on the streets. They knew because we had already done that! What surprised me was talking to Nero and Mario in a rather civilized way about their loss in territories. We told them to go fuck themselves in a more political way clearly.

The most surprising thing that had me speechless for a bit was to see Tommaso in the room with a black eye and blood coming from his nose. His posture was off, so my guess was that he had some broken ribs as well. He got beaten up good. I knew that none of us had done that, and the only other option I saw was that Nero had ordered it. On the way back I discussed it with Ennio and Luciano, but they also couldn’t think of any other way. And if this was true, then there were some big disagreements at the top of the Bruno clan.

Fights at the top of the competition was always good news to us. But this was shocking to us. Tommaso was Mario’s son, and the golden boy on the Bruno’s side. Nero didn’t have any kids, so his brother’s son was the most likely candidate to take over in the future. Yet, if he truly had fucked up this badly…

I sat down, hoping to sway her so that Lily would open the door. That is, if it ever happened. After a while, I didn’t expect her to open it anymore, and I was coming to terms with sleeping on the couch for another night. I felt defeated, but tomorrow was another day to try again.

I heard a crack, before I noticed the door opening slightly. I was shocked and stared at her face peeking through the crack for at least a minute. Once I realized what she did, I stood up quickly.

“You wanted to explain?”, she asked annoyed. I got myself together and took my shot with both hands.

“Yes. Lily. You must believe me that I didn’t want to corrupt you. You’re so beautiful and you have a good soul, and I don’t want you to be affected by my ways.”, I told her from my heart. It was the truth, and it felt good to tell her this.

“I really like spending time with you, and I didn’t want to scare you away.”, I added. I doubted whether I should take her hands in mine, but she refused to open the door wide enough to do so and I didn’t want to push her.

“I feel like such a fool.”, she said softly, not looking me in the eyes. I shook my head vigorously.

“No, you’re no fool. You helped us with our business!”, I argued with her.

“All of you must have had so much fun at little, old, naïve me.”, she spat out. I shook my head hard again.

“No! We didn’t do that at all. We all like having you around, I like having you around. You remind me that my life isn’t normal.”, I tried to convince her.

“So, what are you?”, she asked softly. This was the first time she looked me in the eyes.

“I am the head of the Esposito cartel.”, I answered truthfully.

“Mafia, you mean?”, she asked for clarification. I nodded. Lily stayed quiet after that admission. I could see the gears spinning in her head, I could see the thoughts forming in her mind.

“How do you make your money?”, Lily asked me. Of all the possible questions that she could ask, I wasn’t really expecting this one to be the first. I guessed it would come up quickly, but definitely not the first.

“You know part of it.”, I answered. Lily looked irritated with my answer.

“Yeah, yeah. I also know that it doesn’t bring you loads of profit.”, she replied angrily. Lily looked at me waiting for the full answer.

“Weapons mainly. Drugs also, but less.”, I sighed. She nodded.

“Does that mean I’m working on laundering your money?”, she asked. I could hear something tapping on the floor, I guess it was her foot. Like she wanted me to speed up with my answers. I wanted the opposite. I wanted to stall, to win more time, thinking that my chances of winning her over would be larger with more time.

“Come on Matteo. Answer me damnit!”, she swore. Her anger was visible on her face now, and I hated to be the subject of that anger. I also hated to be the cause of that anger.

“Yes and no.”, I answered her truthfully. I felt like I was balancing on a tightrope here. I didn’t want to lie to her, yet I also didn’t want to tell her too much.

Lily cocked her head at my answer, pulling one of her eyebrows up to her hairline. I had seen Vita do a similar thing many times before. It was eerie how much they looked like each other at this moment. I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers.

“You’re not doing it for us. But Guilia is learning from you where the institutions will be focusing on, and she is setting things up to get our money fast, but meanwhile not alarming government or banks or the likes.”, I admit. It was the main reason why we wanted to get in business with her.

Lily nodded and mumbled to herself something with fool. I couldn’t hear the full sentence. Suddenly, her anger disappeared, but sadness came over her. Lily looked at the floor, shaking her head. I tried to reach out through the small opening, but she stepped back away from my hand.

“No, you do not deserve to touch me.”, she said determined. “I am worth more than to be taken for a fool.”

“Lily, I don’t think you are a fool! Look at me! You are smart and kind, you are funny and witty!”, I pleaded. I was ready to drop to my knees.

“I opened myself up to you, had sex with you! I didn’t have sex for years before you. Stupid me for dropping my pants for the first charming liar that came along.”, Lily ranted. She wasn’t listening to anything I would say. So, I went for plan B. I actually dropped to my knees.

“Lily, please!”, I begged her, taking her hand in between mine and refusing to let go. She tried to pull it back, but I wasn’t about to let go.

“Lily! You are an amazing woman! You are smart, you worked hard to get where you are, and you deserve every bit of it! You are beautiful and incredibly sexy! I literally cannot keep my hands off of you when you are near. I enjoy talking to you, my family likes you. You made me feel something again, you made me believe again that I can spend the rest of my life with someone like you.”, I rambled on. I wanted her to hear me, and above all, I wanted her to stay.

“You made me fall in love with you.”, I stopped speaking the moment I realized what I said. I spoke before thinking, and this little nugget came out. I felt embarrassed, which is a new feeling for me.

Lily looked at me and reached out to touch my face with both hands. She looked like it was the first time she really saw me.

“You love me?”, she asked, not believing what I had blurted out. I nodded, looking her in the eye.

“I think I do. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this feeling. I don’t know what it is, but I think it is love.”, I said truthfully. I waited for her to say or do anything, and that took a long time, believe me!

“I think I love you too.”, Lily said softly, after a silence that must have lasted minutes. I felt my heart jump in my chest after her admission, but I didn’t dare to do anything. After all, I was in the doghouse.

Lily pulled my face closer and put her lips on mine softly. She kissed me slowly and softly. It was caring and loving.

“Nevertheless, I hope you understand that I need to process that I love a mafia member.”, she said afterwards. I put my finger underneath her chin and tipped it up so that she would look at me.

“Not a mafia member. A mafia leader. There is a big difference.”, I said smiling and full of arrogance. I had a good feeling about this!