Chapter 45

**Lily**

It took me a while to process everything that had happened, but when I did, I was left with anger. So much anger. He fucking lied to me!

Guilia was sitting in front of me, talking to me. They must think of me as a kid that cannot be left alone for a minute. Matteo left to God knows where, and Guilia was talking with this monotone voice that was meant to soothe me. Yet, all that it did was feed my anger. I wasn’t stupid!

I wanted to be alone, looking at any of them reminded me of the fool I had been. I told Guilia that I wanted to change into something comfortable and walked up to Matteo’s bedroom. My things were there, but I wasn’t planning to do anything. I locked the door behind me, knowing it was a matter of time before Matteo would come up here. I was lying on the bed, when I heard a knock and someone trying to open the door.

I grinned softly to myself, proud that I could predict his behavior this well. The knock turned into a banging.

“Lily! Open up!”, Matteo yelled. I groaned softly, rolling out the giant, comfortable bed. I opened the door a little, keeping my foot behind it so that Matteo couldn’t open the door that easily if he tried.

“What do you want, Matteo?”, I asked, feeling the anger come back to me when I saw his face. His lying, betraying face.

“Lily! Open the door, please.”, he pleaded with me. But I shook my head, and closed the door immediately, hoping I would surprise him. He banged on it almost immediately.

“What is wrong, Lily?”, Matteo asked. I huffed. It was like he was mocking me, did he even take me seriously?

“What are you, Matteo?”, I asked, trying to stay as calm as I could, but it was a challenge.

“What are you talking about?”, he answered. What the hell?

“You know what I’m talking about. What are you, Matteo?”, I yelled, the venom must be dripping from the words.

“I don’t know what you mean.”, he said again. This only fired my anger up more. I was ready to punch something!

“Cut the crap, Matteo. You can sleep on the couch.”, I said, and walked back to the bed. Falling onto it backwards, I tried to let go of the anger. It had felt great to tell him to go fuck himself on the couch, but I knew I had to face him again at some point. Just not tonight!

I don’t know at what point I fell asleep, but I did. The next morning, I called Emma to ventilate. It felt good to share what had happened and to have someone else help me filter through the thoughts in my head.

“Wait, what? You were shot?”, she shouted through the phone. I grinned at her misunderstanding.

“No, I said someone shot at us from a car.”, I cleared it up. I heard a sigh of relief from the other side of the line.

“Good. Well, not good. You are not hurt, right?”, she asked like the good friend she was.

“No, but Matteo and some guys shot back. They had guns on them that they just pulled out. And then they pulled some more from a hidden compartment in the car!”, I exclaimed. I just wanted to hear from her that this wasn’t normal.

“They did what? Did you ever notice Matteo carrying a gun?”, she asked. Interesting question, I didn’t think about that before.

“No, not that I remember.”, I answered, dropping the volume on my voice.

“But why would he carry a gun? Why would he get shot at?”, Emma asked me, but I had no answers. These were the same things that kept running through my head ever since it happened.

“Wait! Do you think that it wasn’t him that was the target, but you?”, she asked. I stopped in my tracks. That hadn’t crossed my mind at all! It wasn’t that much of a stretch either with my mom, Tommaso, Noah, and Simon. Nino had mentioned ‘Bruno’ in the car, which didn’t ring any bells for me. Could it be linked? But never mind, Matteo pulled out a gun and he knew how to use it!

“I didn’t think about that, really. But it doesn’t change the fact that Matteo pulled a gun from the back of his pants and knew perfectly how to use it. This wasn’t the first shooting he had ever been caught in.”, I replied.

“And now you are angry? Betrayed?”, Emma asked. Finally, this is the therapy session I called her for in the first place. Emma always managed to make me think about my feelings.

“Angry, betrayed. Like a fool!”, I answered. How could I have been this stupid? How could I not have seen all the signs that something was off. I really need to learn to trust my gut.

“Why would you be a fool?”, Emma asked curiously. I felt like all these people in this house must be laughing at me because I didn’t know that Matteo was a… What was he?

“I don’t know.”, I sighed. “I just feel stupid, like everyone here must think that I’m dumb for not knowing or not realizing that something was off.”, I said. They never did anything like that, and had always been respectful and friendly, but still.

“Maybe they didn’t want you to know.”, Emma said, and again I hadn’t thought about that. Was that a possibility?

“Don’t assume, Lily. The truth might surprise you.”, Emma said softly.

“Thank you, Emma. For talking some reason into me.”, I was thankful for that. My anger died down a little.

“So, you are still with him?”, she asked. I could hear her grinning after the question.

“In his house, yes. I made him sleep on the couch last night.”, I grinned. Emma laughed.

“Well, he deserved it.”, I said, trying to justify my actions.

“And what about your apartment?”, Emma asked. I shrugged.

“I don’t know. Matteo said something about helping me fix it, but I’m not sure if he still means that. So, I should probably do something about it. It was wrecked completely, Emma. And Matteo doesn’t want me to go anywhere.”, I said.

“Let me know if you want help, and you know you can always stay with me if you want. But honestly, you sounded happy when you talked about Matteo. Give him a chance. Anyway, I need to go! Bye Lils!”, Emma said, and hung up immediately after.

I spent the day so far in his bedroom, but I knew I would have to go downstairs at some point. My stomach was growling. I just didn’t feel like running into Matteo. The longer I waited, the hungrier I got. As I grew hungrier, I started to weigh my options and all of a sudden meeting Matteo didn’t seem that bad. I took a deep breath and went downstairs.

It seemed like no one was there. So, I made my food and went back upstairs to lock myself in his bedroom again. He could sleep on the couch another night for all I care. He did leave me alone for most of the day, but he did have an empire to run, right?

“Lily?”

I lost track of time doing nothing the entire day, but when I heard his voice, everything came rushing back to me. Everything, including the anger.

“What do you want, Matteo?”, I asked him slightly annoyed.

“I want to explain, to talk to you.”, he said. He sounded a bit frantic. Like he desperately wanted to talk to me, to really explain his reasons.

“What’s there to explain?”, I asked, trying to get a reaction from him. I heard him groan, and I heard a bang. Like he punched something.

“Please, Lily. Please let me explain.”, he asked me aggravated. The angel and devil in my head were discussing what would be the best action to take. I didn’t know what to do.

“Why would I, Matteo? You took me for a fool.”, I complained, almost whining.

“No, that’s not true.”, he disagreed. “I didn’t want to taint you. You are so kind, so fun, and I didn’t think you would want to be with me if you knew.”

I couldn’t judge if he was telling the truth without seeing him face to face. But if I wanted to do that, I needed to open the door. Was I ready to do that?